To the ladies who have just begun their journey into the FemDom role of Domina, Dominatrix, Madame or Mistress - I salute you.
You have decided to explore the aspects of your personality that feed into Control, Protection, Leadership, Imagination, Creativity, and the Administration of Skill.
A bunch of words, no?
A damn big bunch of words.
What does it all mean?
Where do you start?
How do you become the Uber-Domme of your, his, her, and that other person's dreams?
You start by not trying to become another person's dream.
Plain and simple, you have to WANT to cultivate your Dominant traits for you and not for someone else.
If a man or woman has come to you and asked you to be "my Domme" then they have started with a fatal flaw - asking you to do something for them, rather than asking what they can do for you.
The first lesson a beginner Domme must learn is to not become an on-call service for those who will use up or waste your time, talent, and effort.
I know this may seem counterintuitive to the image of the all-powerful slightly (or not so slightly) demanding Head Bitch In Charge, but many Dominas are what they are because they have an overwhelming desire to protect, heal, and give.
Those traits are often exploited by the insensitive, coercive, and overly-needy subs who have been in the game long enough to sniff out a woman who will give them what they want, but who will not expect them to give in return.
Always, always, always remember that you do not OWE a submissive anything simply because he has asked to "worship you, Goddess, because you are so perfect and I want so badly to be Dominated by you!"
See what happened there? That thought of worship didn't end with an offer of actual tribute, service, or worship. It ended with the submissive's desire.
Odd. Very odd. And downright counterintuitive to the way a submissive should approach a Dominant.
A Woman in Power should be brought tribute, compliment, sincerity, and supplication; she should NOT be presented with selfish demands sugar coated in flattery.
Keep your boundaries, and keep your self esteem, intact.
There is nothing powerful about a Domina who is topped from the bottom by a submissive who takes without giving.
I've discussed the all-giving dynamic before on this blog, but for you who are beginning your journey into the Power of a FemDom centered interaction or relationship, it bears repeating.
The only way this type of relationship will work, truly, is through massive amounts of communication from BOTH parties. It will only work if both people but the OTHER person first.
You cannot be a Dominant without being a caregiver.
You cannot be a submissive without being a servant.
When we examine those two titles, they are one in the same.
The Dominant serves the needs of the submissive, just as the submissive should care for the needs of the Dominant.
There is no way around the necessity of mutual giving.
To you, new Dommes, I say this: only interact with those men who understand that in order to be worthy of your time, they must prove that worth through service and a keen ability to care for your needs; otherwise, they have no business receiving the beautiful Control that you, as a Dominant Woman, can give them.
Showing posts with label Dominance. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Dominance. Show all posts
Thursday, April 24, 2014
Tuesday, March 25, 2014
The Simiple Truth About FemDom
You have everything it takes to be Dominant, because You are already in charge of Your life and Your happiness.
The great myth of FemDom is that the Woman has to somehow transform into a whip-wielding bitch in order to Control a man.
Stereotypes would have you believe that only a certain skin color, body type, or style will enable you to make men drop to their knees.
Not true.
The simple truth, and the concept that eludes so many would-be Dommes, is that to be on Top means having the Will to be thorough, consistent, challenging, and sincere.
It also means you need to be fucking creative when you are giving out marching orders.
No two Dominant Women will operate in the same way, and that's the beauty of the Game:
You, yes you, get to make up the rules that best suit your goals and the goals of the men who crave your Dominance.
Get out there.
Be bold.
Rule the world, and the minds of men.
Wednesday, March 5, 2014
Don't Play Without Practice
It's been a while, loves.
I've published some smut, collected some essays, and seen quite the parade of narcissistic blather on Twitter since I last wrote in the blogosphere.
It's time for yet another of my rather pointed/vulgar rants.
This time, I'm talking to those who put appearance before substance.
I'm talking to anyone who makes a duck face while wearing a corset, and believes that endows the right to command respect.
I'm talking to every single person, whether Pro or Lifestyle, who bypasses finesse and technique in favor of finery and brute force.
It's not the corset that makes the Domme - it's everything else that happens before you suit up for a session.
You have to learn.
You have to question.
You have to practice.
You have to watch.
You have to participate.
You have to talk.
You have to listen.
You have to realize that no matter how excited or beautiful you are, and no matter how willing men may be to throw cash at you simply because you fulfill their visual fantasy, you have farther to go before knowing what it is you are doing.
You have to be responsible, in this world of kinkiness and leather and delicious fuckery, just like you'd have to be responsible in any other.
Strapping on a dildo may be fun, and hell, you might even look fantastic while wearing it, but if you don't know how to use it - back the fuck up. DO NOT ATTEMPT USE if you HAVE NOT BEEN TRAINED.
I don't care if you think you've got an idea. I don't care if you think it will be simple.
If you haven't taken a class, practiced with a seasoned vet of strapon play, or (preferably) a combination of the two, you have NO business fucking anyone in the ass, pussy, or mouth.
If you think you'd love to whip the shit out of a piggy little sub, and you've never held a paddle in your life, nor had any experience administering aftercare (or know what aftercare is!) then you need to slow your roll.
DO NOT ENGAGE IN CORPORAL PUNISHMENT until you've learned how to direct a sub to safeword, when and how to use water, ice, and lotion, and how to know when skin has had enough even when the sub wants more.
For many of you, dear readers, this is common sense: Learn how to play, before playing. Don't take chances with the safety of others, or your own self.
However, here's the sad state of affairs - the BDSM world, market, whatever you'd like to call it, is saturated with both Dommes and subs who want what they want as quickly as possible, no matter the potential risks that may be involved.
Too often I see women demanding that men inflict massive amounts of pain on their bodies, and I have to question: do those women have any first hand experience with either the application or reception of pain, on that level?
Too often I see Dominants showing off the marks they've left on their submissives and I question whether their own bodies have ever had to withstand force and shock in comparable quantities.
It's not just the physical impact that is administered - there's intense emotional involvement when pain and submission are combined. To take on the responsibility of another person's physical and mental well-being is just that: a responsibility. It has to be taken seriously.
My first teacher taught me this: don't do anything to a sub that you haven't tried on yourself.
I've always followed that guideline, from caning to using plugs, from electro stim to puppy play, we as Dominants cannot expect our subs to accept sensations with which we are not personally familiar.
We are guides. In order to fulfill that role, we have to first learn the way.
I've published some smut, collected some essays, and seen quite the parade of narcissistic blather on Twitter since I last wrote in the blogosphere.
It's time for yet another of my rather pointed/vulgar rants.
This time, I'm talking to those who put appearance before substance.
I'm talking to anyone who makes a duck face while wearing a corset, and believes that endows the right to command respect.
I'm talking to every single person, whether Pro or Lifestyle, who bypasses finesse and technique in favor of finery and brute force.
It's not the corset that makes the Domme - it's everything else that happens before you suit up for a session.
You have to learn.
You have to question.
You have to practice.
You have to watch.
You have to participate.
You have to talk.
You have to listen.
You have to realize that no matter how excited or beautiful you are, and no matter how willing men may be to throw cash at you simply because you fulfill their visual fantasy, you have farther to go before knowing what it is you are doing.
You have to be responsible, in this world of kinkiness and leather and delicious fuckery, just like you'd have to be responsible in any other.
Strapping on a dildo may be fun, and hell, you might even look fantastic while wearing it, but if you don't know how to use it - back the fuck up. DO NOT ATTEMPT USE if you HAVE NOT BEEN TRAINED.
I don't care if you think you've got an idea. I don't care if you think it will be simple.
If you haven't taken a class, practiced with a seasoned vet of strapon play, or (preferably) a combination of the two, you have NO business fucking anyone in the ass, pussy, or mouth.
If you think you'd love to whip the shit out of a piggy little sub, and you've never held a paddle in your life, nor had any experience administering aftercare (or know what aftercare is!) then you need to slow your roll.
DO NOT ENGAGE IN CORPORAL PUNISHMENT until you've learned how to direct a sub to safeword, when and how to use water, ice, and lotion, and how to know when skin has had enough even when the sub wants more.
For many of you, dear readers, this is common sense: Learn how to play, before playing. Don't take chances with the safety of others, or your own self.
However, here's the sad state of affairs - the BDSM world, market, whatever you'd like to call it, is saturated with both Dommes and subs who want what they want as quickly as possible, no matter the potential risks that may be involved.
Too often I see women demanding that men inflict massive amounts of pain on their bodies, and I have to question: do those women have any first hand experience with either the application or reception of pain, on that level?
Too often I see Dominants showing off the marks they've left on their submissives and I question whether their own bodies have ever had to withstand force and shock in comparable quantities.
It's not just the physical impact that is administered - there's intense emotional involvement when pain and submission are combined. To take on the responsibility of another person's physical and mental well-being is just that: a responsibility. It has to be taken seriously.
My first teacher taught me this: don't do anything to a sub that you haven't tried on yourself.
I've always followed that guideline, from caning to using plugs, from electro stim to puppy play, we as Dominants cannot expect our subs to accept sensations with which we are not personally familiar.
We are guides. In order to fulfill that role, we have to first learn the way.
Saturday, February 15, 2014
The Work of Ownership: When Fantasy Meets Reality
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Male Chastity Day: Establish Total Ownership & Give Him the Gift of Control
Today, when so many are reeling from the emotional rollercoaster/Armageddon of Valentine's Day, we must not forget the ACTUAL importance of February 15th.
That's right.
It's Male Chastity Day!
Such a glorious day, don't you think? Dedicated solely to the practice of locking up cocks on submissive men in order to bring control, calm, and caged bliss to their horny lives.
Because the cock is such a fickle, needful, inconvenient, and downright impatient beast, it clearly needs to be treated like a child with bad behavior: it needs to be given boundaries.
It needs structure.
It needs rules.
And it needs them NOW.
Today, assess your husband/boyfriend/submissive and ask yourself this question: is it time for Me, as a Dominant, to exert My total control over his cock?
The answer, of course, is a resounding YES.
How can we, the ones in a position of power and control, claim to be giving our submissives the restraint and Dominance they crave if we let their cocks, masturbation habits, and ability to cum run free?
We cannot claim it at all when chastity is not being implemented.
Now, before there are cries of "but that's so much WORK!" remember this - being a Dominant IS work. Get that set in your mind and embrace it, or get out of the lifestyle.
On to the fun stuff!
Caging
Caging is, of course, the most lauded and publicly recognized form of chastity within circles who implement the practice. There is a solid, locked, inescapable restriction put on men by their keyholders from which they cannot escape without explicit release from the Dominant who has the key to any given device.
There are so many choices for devices, which makes it fun to shop, select, and try on various options with submissives. There is a certain learning curve with sizing and determining practicality across various lifestyles, but it is, overall, an exciting step for any D/s couple trying out the practice, and can be an immensely important bonding activity for trust building and, of course, foreplay.
This method provides visual, tactile, and psychological appeal because it is so PRESENT.
A sub, in the beginning stages, will feel the constant constriction and physical reminder that their dick is no longer a toy that belongs to them. The magical moment is when a submissive male realizes...oh my Goddess...being caged...feels GOOD.
They will begin to crave the cage, feel safe within the cage, and positively LOVE the cage.
Psychologically Enforced Chastity or The Honor System
A level up, of course, is mental chastity implemented through sheer psychological ownership.
This type of chastity is only for those D/s relationships where honesty and total obedience are unquestioned, and in which the Dominant can devote larger amounts of time and effort to chastity training.
It's no easy thing to trust a submissive to not touch themselves based on the honor system, and it requires months, if not years, of training to instill total obedience and the ability for them to resist their urge to masturbate based on a need to please you, the Dominant.
The process also requires constant encouragement, reward systems, and positive verbal reminders of how much the submissive is pleasing you, his Dominant, by remaining chaste.
Creating an atmosphere in which rewards are centered on giving the Dominant pleasure, arousing his body and mind through activities other than sex, and teaching him that arousal does not inherently guarantee, nor should always include, orgasm = three techniques that play a large part in honor-system chastity training.
Take it from Me: the knowledge that your submissive is enthralled to your will and has overcome his pubescent masturbatory habits in order to please YOU is an enormously rewarding payoff.
This Valentine's Weekend, take back Control - and lock up that cock in a cage or the vice of your own deliciously Dominant and deviant will!
That's right.
It's Male Chastity Day!
Such a glorious day, don't you think? Dedicated solely to the practice of locking up cocks on submissive men in order to bring control, calm, and caged bliss to their horny lives.
Because the cock is such a fickle, needful, inconvenient, and downright impatient beast, it clearly needs to be treated like a child with bad behavior: it needs to be given boundaries.
It needs structure.
It needs rules.
And it needs them NOW.
Today, assess your husband/boyfriend/submissive and ask yourself this question: is it time for Me, as a Dominant, to exert My total control over his cock?
The answer, of course, is a resounding YES.
How can we, the ones in a position of power and control, claim to be giving our submissives the restraint and Dominance they crave if we let their cocks, masturbation habits, and ability to cum run free?
We cannot claim it at all when chastity is not being implemented.
Now, before there are cries of "but that's so much WORK!" remember this - being a Dominant IS work. Get that set in your mind and embrace it, or get out of the lifestyle.
On to the fun stuff!
Caging
Caging is, of course, the most lauded and publicly recognized form of chastity within circles who implement the practice. There is a solid, locked, inescapable restriction put on men by their keyholders from which they cannot escape without explicit release from the Dominant who has the key to any given device.
There are so many choices for devices, which makes it fun to shop, select, and try on various options with submissives. There is a certain learning curve with sizing and determining practicality across various lifestyles, but it is, overall, an exciting step for any D/s couple trying out the practice, and can be an immensely important bonding activity for trust building and, of course, foreplay.
This method provides visual, tactile, and psychological appeal because it is so PRESENT.
A sub, in the beginning stages, will feel the constant constriction and physical reminder that their dick is no longer a toy that belongs to them. The magical moment is when a submissive male realizes...oh my Goddess...being caged...feels GOOD.
They will begin to crave the cage, feel safe within the cage, and positively LOVE the cage.
Psychologically Enforced Chastity or The Honor System
A level up, of course, is mental chastity implemented through sheer psychological ownership.
This type of chastity is only for those D/s relationships where honesty and total obedience are unquestioned, and in which the Dominant can devote larger amounts of time and effort to chastity training.
It's no easy thing to trust a submissive to not touch themselves based on the honor system, and it requires months, if not years, of training to instill total obedience and the ability for them to resist their urge to masturbate based on a need to please you, the Dominant.
The process also requires constant encouragement, reward systems, and positive verbal reminders of how much the submissive is pleasing you, his Dominant, by remaining chaste.
Creating an atmosphere in which rewards are centered on giving the Dominant pleasure, arousing his body and mind through activities other than sex, and teaching him that arousal does not inherently guarantee, nor should always include, orgasm = three techniques that play a large part in honor-system chastity training.
Take it from Me: the knowledge that your submissive is enthralled to your will and has overcome his pubescent masturbatory habits in order to please YOU is an enormously rewarding payoff.
This Valentine's Weekend, take back Control - and lock up that cock in a cage or the vice of your own deliciously Dominant and deviant will!
Tuesday, December 31, 2013
Training Heath: Teasing, Sensory Play, Sadism, and Deprivation
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We all know what it means to tease and be teased.
It's foreplay, of the best sort.
It revs the engines, signaling the body to prepare itself for pleasure, pain, and (if it's lucky) orgasm.
It puts us on edge, and makes every sensation seem that much more intense, from biting to licking to flogging - every touch, stroke, and lash is heightened in our mind's perception.
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Teasing is essential when beginning the training of a male pet, and, really, a pet of any gender.
For Heath, in particular, sending him images throughout the workday, leaving notes by the bathroom mirror, and generally creating an environment of sexual saturation in day-to-day activities keeps him on the edge of his proverbial seat and rock hard in his literal panties.
However, teasing is never (and should never be) the goal.
It must be used as an effective tool to train, teach, own, envelope, and entrance.
Teasing shouldn't last for weeks - there must be some sort of release at the beginning.
Leave the long-term chastity fantasies on the back burner, if you're just beginning with a new sub.
Yes, the idea of keeping him from orgasm for months on end may seem fantastic, but it is neither prudent nor realistic to try and enforce such strictures from Day One.
We, as Dominant Women, must use our natural abilities to teach, lead, and control to mold our new and/or inexperienced pets into the ideal submissives that We (and they!) desire them to be.
I knew that psychological Domination must be at the fore - the whys and hows and what ifs would need to be engrained in him from the outset, both through outright instruction AND subliminal/hypnotic vocal techniques during sessions.
To the left you can see the first set of tools I used in his first training session, all obtained from, and made by, The Stockroom: mini flogger, Wartenberg wheel, leather mini slapper, and leather blindfold lined in lambs wool. All four items provide a sensory experience, ranging from biting to tickling to deprivation. Each afforded my pet an introduction to accepting sensation on its own merits, accepting Domination, and submitting to the enjoyment of receiving without "returning any favors."
Once he understood that my sadistic mind got IMMENSE pleasure from spanking, flogging, biting, scratching, and teasing him, he was able to truly enjoy being the object of all that attention without feeling guilty.
In this picture, you can see the set up for his first OTK play with an implement, the slapper. I gave him my mirror to hold whilst being spanked so that he could see me, and, more importantly, see how much I was enjoying myself. This technique of visual reassurance is invaluable for the novice submissive being introduced to pain, and submission, in general.
For men, especially, being visually distracted by the appearance of the Domme can override the intensely enjoyable physical sensations being delivered.
To enhance all other senses, simply remove sight from the equation. This leather blindfold fits very snugly, but also with total comfort. It allowed Heath to let go and feel EVERYTHING with total focus on the sensations being delivered to his body rather than focusing on me, my face, or anything else in the scene.
Another excellent aspect of sight deprivation is Surprise. Heath never knew what sensation was coming next. The wheel? Teeth? My hands? The flogger? Keeping him on edge kept him rock hard and leaking!
Stay tuned for next week's installment: Paddles, Canes, and Marking!
Wednesday, November 27, 2013
i'm Thankful for Kinky Sex
This Thanksgiving, I'm going to be honest.
I'm going to give thanks for some of the things that aren't discussed around the turkey-dinner over cranberry sauce and plentiful amounts of alcohol.
That's right - it's time to be thankful for kinky sex: cerebral kinky foreplay, chats that turn a little window into full-on subspace, biting and scratching and whimpering and CUMMING.
I'm fucking thankful!
I'm thankful for toys - the metal, the plastic, the vibrating, the insertable, the bejeweled, and the beautiful.
I'm thankful for implements - the whips, the crops, the paddles, the floggers (oh, THANK you for the floggers), the canes, and the hairbrushes.
I'm thankful for the subs - oh those sweet masochistic and deliciously giving submissives!
I'm thankful for My pet - my sweetest toy, my most wiling first-timer, my darling puppy, and my perfectly muscled pony.
I'm thankful for my inspiration - D.M. Dewey, Ruffled Sheets, Marabelle Blue, and Sir Ken.
I'm thankful for every single person who has opened up, and talked about their kinks, with me.
THANK you, yes YOU, for feeding my never ending quest to revel in the sexiest corners of your mind!
And, as always, thank you for, so willingly, allowing me to help you explore them, too.
I'm going to give thanks for some of the things that aren't discussed around the turkey-dinner over cranberry sauce and plentiful amounts of alcohol.
That's right - it's time to be thankful for kinky sex: cerebral kinky foreplay, chats that turn a little window into full-on subspace, biting and scratching and whimpering and CUMMING.
I'm fucking thankful!
I'm thankful for toys - the metal, the plastic, the vibrating, the insertable, the bejeweled, and the beautiful.
I'm thankful for implements - the whips, the crops, the paddles, the floggers (oh, THANK you for the floggers), the canes, and the hairbrushes.
I'm thankful for the subs - oh those sweet masochistic and deliciously giving submissives!
I'm thankful for My pet - my sweetest toy, my most wiling first-timer, my darling puppy, and my perfectly muscled pony.
I'm thankful for my inspiration - D.M. Dewey, Ruffled Sheets, Marabelle Blue, and Sir Ken.
I'm thankful for every single person who has opened up, and talked about their kinks, with me.
THANK you, yes YOU, for feeding my never ending quest to revel in the sexiest corners of your mind!
And, as always, thank you for, so willingly, allowing me to help you explore them, too.
Wednesday, November 6, 2013
On Varied Love: An Open Letter to My pet/Husband, on Polyamory
My darling pet, my devoted husband, my best friend, and the father of our beautiful child,
I love you more than I thought it would be possible to love another human being.
You have given me a life, a family, and a home that, without you, would not have been possible.
You teach me, every day, what it means to be a Partner.
You help me, every day, to be the best Domme I can possibly be.
Because I love you, and because you have given me such varied gifts of love, I believe it is right and salutary that I present this letter, to you, in a way that shares my messages of love for you, and revelation within myself, in a public venue.
I need you to understand what it means when I talk about polyamory.
Polyamory is not based in greed, dissatisfaction, or narcissism.
It is based in the personal and interpersonal knowledge that Love can exist between more than two people and still be True.
(I have been trying to find an accurate way to express this for over a decade. Being able to finally do so, in a moment of writer's clarity, is one of the great reliefs of my life.)
After ten years, ten long years of trying to figure out what in thunderfuck my brain needed in order to feel whole and complete and sane and at peace, I am finally comfortable saying, "Yes, I am poly."
Yes, I want to enjoy the bodies, minds, and junk of other people.
Yes, I want to lap at a woman's cunt until she loses her mind.
Yes, I want to feel the security of submitting to a man who knows his way around a flogger and the female mind, from a sensually sadistic standpoint.
It's not easy to make these statements, nor are they statements that I make lightly.
I realize that making these statements, and doing so in a public manner, may have intense repercussions in my own home and with you, my own devoted partner.
I also realize that, in order to be the best Domme, wife, and partner possible, all cards must be on the table.
All truth must be transparent and accessible.
Is this terrifying?
Yep.
I'm scared-near-shitless to be speaking my truth.
But, the Truth has a funny way of making itself heard, and of leaving Peace in its wake.
Here's to Love, and to being honest with those to whom we give it.
Yours,
Beatrice
Post Scripts, from Me to him:
- No amount of play with another person will ever cause me to stop loving you, or to love you in a different manner. You are my Primary, my Heart, and my Husband.
- I did not tell you what was in my head in order to change you.
I did it for myself.
I did it in order to be honest.
I did it in order to follow the same expectations I have set down, for you.
Honesty.
Transparency.
Clear statements of desires.
Saying things that i'm scared to say, but doing it anyway, because it's the right thing to do.
Keeping nothing a secret.
Keeping you informed of what is happening in my head, no matter how scary I think it might be, both to tell you and for you to hear.
I will never stop telling you the truth.
I will never stop listening to the truth you tell, to me.
I love you more than I thought it would be possible to love another human being.
You have given me a life, a family, and a home that, without you, would not have been possible.
You teach me, every day, what it means to be a Partner.
You help me, every day, to be the best Domme I can possibly be.
Because I love you, and because you have given me such varied gifts of love, I believe it is right and salutary that I present this letter, to you, in a way that shares my messages of love for you, and revelation within myself, in a public venue.
I need you to understand what it means when I talk about polyamory.
Polyamory is not based in greed, dissatisfaction, or narcissism.
It is based in the personal and interpersonal knowledge that Love can exist between more than two people and still be True.
(I have been trying to find an accurate way to express this for over a decade. Being able to finally do so, in a moment of writer's clarity, is one of the great reliefs of my life.)
After ten years, ten long years of trying to figure out what in thunderfuck my brain needed in order to feel whole and complete and sane and at peace, I am finally comfortable saying, "Yes, I am poly."
Yes, I want to enjoy the bodies, minds, and junk of other people.
Yes, I want to lap at a woman's cunt until she loses her mind.
Yes, I want to feel the security of submitting to a man who knows his way around a flogger and the female mind, from a sensually sadistic standpoint.
It's not easy to make these statements, nor are they statements that I make lightly.
I realize that making these statements, and doing so in a public manner, may have intense repercussions in my own home and with you, my own devoted partner.
I also realize that, in order to be the best Domme, wife, and partner possible, all cards must be on the table.
All truth must be transparent and accessible.
Is this terrifying?
Yep.
I'm scared-near-shitless to be speaking my truth.
But, the Truth has a funny way of making itself heard, and of leaving Peace in its wake.
Here's to Love, and to being honest with those to whom we give it.
Yours,
Beatrice
Post Scripts, from Me to him:
- No amount of play with another person will ever cause me to stop loving you, or to love you in a different manner. You are my Primary, my Heart, and my Husband.
- I did not tell you what was in my head in order to change you.
I did it for myself.
I did it in order to be honest.
I did it in order to follow the same expectations I have set down, for you.
Honesty.
Transparency.
Clear statements of desires.
Saying things that i'm scared to say, but doing it anyway, because it's the right thing to do.
Keeping nothing a secret.
Keeping you informed of what is happening in my head, no matter how scary I think it might be, both to tell you and for you to hear.
I will never stop telling you the truth.
I will never stop listening to the truth you tell, to me.
Tuesday, November 5, 2013
The Small Touches: Totems That Guide submissive Men & Women
The following picture shows a miniature chrome clothespin.
It can be used for CBT, nipple-torture, securing knots with extra surety, as decoration, as a souvenir to send with a sub after a session, and (I'm sure) a plethora of other activities.
This clothespin, in particular, is a totem.
It is affixed to the collar of my pet's dress shirts, each day, as he goes through his life and work as an Alpha Male. It is on the right side of his shirt/sweater collar.
If you look closely, you can see it, in this picture.
It is placed on the side that holds his Dominant hand.
My will is with him, represented on that side of his body, because I love that part of him, and it is what makes him worthy of being Mine.
As Dommes/Doms, it is our great pleasure and sincere duty to show our love and care for our personal subs and clientele.
We get to show that Love through thoughfulness, mindfulness, and sincerely provided & imaginative instruction.
Small touches provide the greatest and most consistently felt security.
*You can purchase one or many clothespins, from The Stockroom, here.
It can be used for CBT, nipple-torture, securing knots with extra surety, as decoration, as a souvenir to send with a sub after a session, and (I'm sure) a plethora of other activities.
This clothespin, in particular, is a totem.
It is affixed to the collar of my pet's dress shirts, each day, as he goes through his life and work as an Alpha Male. It is on the right side of his shirt/sweater collar.
If you look closely, you can see it, in this picture.
It is placed on the side that holds his Dominant hand.
My will is with him, represented on that side of his body, because I love that part of him, and it is what makes him worthy of being Mine.
As Dommes/Doms, it is our great pleasure and sincere duty to show our love and care for our personal subs and clientele.
We get to show that Love through thoughfulness, mindfulness, and sincerely provided & imaginative instruction.
Small touches provide the greatest and most consistently felt security.
*You can purchase one or many clothespins, from The Stockroom, here.
Monday, November 4, 2013
Dominance: The Ultimate Responsibility and The Ultimate Gift
If you are going to try, go all the way.
Do it, do it, do it.
All the way, all the way, all the way.
Bukowski wrote that, and yes, I'm reasonably sure I just paraphrased it, but I'm not about to go on a GoogleHunt.
The point is this: don't half anything.
Don't dabble.
Don't make a start, then refuse to finish.
Don't allow complacency to color your work or your Love.
Go all the way, all the way, all the damn way.
If you bring a pet into your care, know what you are signing up to do.
You are becoming their source of Control.
You are becoming their Balance.
It's a big fucking job.
You DON'T get to be weak.
You don't get to be trite.
You don't get to be trivial.
You DO get to lead, by example.
You get to establish boundaries, and healthily maintain them.
You get to protect yourself and give protection to your pet, even if that means protecting yourself and your pet from his/her negative tendencies.
You get to say No:
No, I will not let bad habits slide.
No, I will not indulge brattish and attention-seeking behaviors.
No, I will not allow you to use Me or My time as a distraction from your own problems.
You must be strong: for Yourself, for your pet, for the two of you as a pair, couple, or any other form of relationship.
Dominance is not a pass to a never-ending supply of cunnilingus, blowjobs, no-questions-asked-submission, or whateverthefuck floats your self-serving, self-loving, and/or self-indulgent boat.
Dominance is the ultimate gift.
Only those with quiet strength, self-awareness, and sincere care for others can give it.
Do it, do it, do it.
All the way, all the way, all the way.
Bukowski wrote that, and yes, I'm reasonably sure I just paraphrased it, but I'm not about to go on a GoogleHunt.
The point is this: don't half anything.
Don't dabble.
Don't make a start, then refuse to finish.
Don't allow complacency to color your work or your Love.
Go all the way, all the way, all the damn way.
If you bring a pet into your care, know what you are signing up to do.
You are becoming their source of Control.
You are becoming their Balance.
It's a big fucking job.
You DON'T get to be weak.
You don't get to be trite.
You don't get to be trivial.
You DO get to lead, by example.
You get to establish boundaries, and healthily maintain them.
You get to protect yourself and give protection to your pet, even if that means protecting yourself and your pet from his/her negative tendencies.
You get to say No:
No, I will not let bad habits slide.
No, I will not indulge brattish and attention-seeking behaviors.
No, I will not allow you to use Me or My time as a distraction from your own problems.
You must be strong: for Yourself, for your pet, for the two of you as a pair, couple, or any other form of relationship.
Dominance is not a pass to a never-ending supply of cunnilingus, blowjobs, no-questions-asked-submission, or whateverthefuck floats your self-serving, self-loving, and/or self-indulgent boat.
Dominance is the ultimate gift.
Only those with quiet strength, self-awareness, and sincere care for others can give it.
Friday, October 25, 2013
Verbal Stimulation - Using Your Words to Get Results
In working with more and more clients in this, my new city of Buffalo, I'm realizing just how widespread the disparity is between desire and the ability to articulate that desire.
Perhaps it is merely the disparity between desire and access to a safe space/person in and with whom to express that desire.
Either way, there's a lot of repression through which my clients are working.
And no, it's not a condition local to Buffalo.
It's certainly a behavior that I have previously encountered: subs who want, need, and crave Dominance but have no earthly idea how to ask for it or how to articulate the specifics of those desires.
I am, perhaps, simply so keenly aware of it, here, because it has been the common denominator amongst all of my clients, to date.
It's certainly a behavior that I have previously encountered: subs who want, need, and crave Dominance but have no earthly idea how to ask for it or how to articulate the specifics of those desires.
I am, perhaps, simply so keenly aware of it, here, because it has been the common denominator amongst all of my clients, to date.
It is also the current, but slowly changing, condition of my sweetest pet and favorite personal sub.
Every day I'm learning just how painful but important it is to encourage and bear witness to the verbal expression, written or spoken, of his new and slightly unnerving journey toward self awareness.
Every day I'm learning just how painful but important it is to encourage and bear witness to the verbal expression, written or spoken, of his new and slightly unnerving journey toward self awareness.
That's what verbal interaction is all about, for both Dommes and the subs they love and the clients with whom they work: self awareness that leads to self fulfillment.
Physical pleasure is high on the list, and no one's denying it. I thrill every time I see my sweet pet or one of my clients absolutely lose themselves in sensation.
But the true high, the true ecstasy for me, comes from their understanding of those sensations and clear ability to ask for those sensations.
But the true high, the true ecstasy for me, comes from their understanding of those sensations and clear ability to ask for those sensations.
Am I on the cerebral end? You're damn right. Do I want to get inside the minds of every sub I encounter and lick their motor strip and processing centers until they cum? Double-damn right.
However, since lobotomy and cranial lingual stimulation are not recommended, I get to use my tongue in other ways - I get to use my words.
I get to describe, entice, tease, create, and titillate, all with the mere touch of my tongue to my teeth and hard palette.
I get to show my sweet favorite that I love him by telling him, outright, and by telling him what I love to do to him, his mind, and his body.
I get to encourage, praise, and correct with the softest direction and the most lustful demands.
I get to encourage, praise, and correct with the softest direction and the most lustful demands.
I get to lead by example.
With every submissive, I strive to use my words in an effort to show them that they, too, can have exactly what they need through the simple act of asking.
Hell, you go ahead and beg, you beautiful submissives - you know I like that.
Articulate begging, and even barely-lucid begging, are hugely aphrodisiac in their effect.
Hell, you go ahead and beg, you beautiful submissives - you know I like that.
Articulate begging, and even barely-lucid begging, are hugely aphrodisiac in their effect.
But you have to start somewhere -
You have to start by talking, and by asking for what you want.
Believe me, your words will yield amazingly tailored and pleasurable results.
You have to start by talking, and by asking for what you want.
Believe me, your words will yield amazingly tailored and pleasurable results.
Thursday, October 24, 2013
The Beauty of Submissive Men
Men who derive happiness from submission and service, who find their bliss at the feet and in the will of their Goddess - these men have learned the joy of letting go.
They have learned that their world is not defined by their jobs; that it is not defined by the sports they watch, the friends they have, or the mantastic manly-man activities in which they engage in their free time.
They have learned that they can be exactly who they are and who they WANT TO BE in the presence of a woman who is strong enough and trustworthy enough to give them Dominance.
Submissive men can be 24/7 lifestyle subs, or they may simply need to have that one hour in the week during which they find release and a much deserved break from the facade of total control.
I love submissive men for many reasons:
I love their ability to express their need.
I love watching that moment of giving in - the eyes roll back, the teeth bite the lower lip, and you can tell they're home.
I love the sighs, the eagerly open mouths, the willingness to trust and obey.
Men who are submissive, who have the courage to ask for a Mistresss, show such strength.
Men who are switches, who understand the fluidity and balance of their minds, show such awareness.
Men who come to me and ask (humbly, with respect) to please be given the peace and understanding only afforded by a Woman in Power, will always receive what they seek.
My life's work is dedicated to fostering a safe and sane space, whether in a chat window, hotel room, dungeon, or bedroom, and ensuring that my clients walk away feeling whole.
Submissive men, I salute you.
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