It's been a while, loves.
I've published some smut, collected some essays, and seen quite the parade of narcissistic blather on Twitter since I last wrote in the blogosphere.
It's time for yet another of my rather pointed/vulgar rants.
This time, I'm talking to those who put appearance before substance.
I'm talking to anyone who makes a duck face while wearing a corset, and believes that endows the right to command respect.
I'm talking to every single person, whether Pro or Lifestyle, who bypasses finesse and technique in favor of finery and brute force.
It's not the corset that makes the Domme - it's everything else that happens before you suit up for a session.
You have to learn.
You have to question.
You have to practice.
You have to watch.
You have to participate.
You have to talk.
You have to listen.
You have to realize that no matter how excited or beautiful you are, and no matter how willing men may be to throw cash at you simply because you fulfill their visual fantasy, you have farther to go before knowing what it is you are doing.
You have to be responsible, in this world of kinkiness and leather and delicious fuckery, just like you'd have to be responsible in any other.
Strapping on a dildo may be fun, and hell, you might even look fantastic while wearing it, but if you don't know how to use it - back the fuck up. DO NOT ATTEMPT USE if you HAVE NOT BEEN TRAINED.
I don't care if you think you've got an idea. I don't care if you think it will be simple.
If you haven't taken a class, practiced with a seasoned vet of strapon play, or (preferably) a combination of the two, you have NO business fucking anyone in the ass, pussy, or mouth.
If you think you'd love to whip the shit out of a piggy little sub, and you've never held a paddle in your life, nor had any experience administering aftercare (or know what aftercare is!) then you need to slow your roll.
DO NOT ENGAGE IN CORPORAL PUNISHMENT until you've learned how to direct a sub to safeword, when and how to use water, ice, and lotion, and how to know when skin has had enough even when the sub wants more.
For many of you, dear readers, this is common sense: Learn how to play, before playing. Don't take chances with the safety of others, or your own self.
However, here's the sad state of affairs - the BDSM world, market, whatever you'd like to call it, is saturated with both Dommes and subs who want what they want as quickly as possible, no matter the potential risks that may be involved.
Too often I see women demanding that men inflict massive amounts of pain on their bodies, and I have to question: do those women have any first hand experience with either the application or reception of pain, on that level?
Too often I see Dominants showing off the marks they've left on their submissives and I question whether their own bodies have ever had to withstand force and shock in comparable quantities.
It's not just the physical impact that is administered - there's intense emotional involvement when pain and submission are combined. To take on the responsibility of another person's physical and mental well-being is just that: a responsibility. It has to be taken seriously.
My first teacher taught me this: don't do anything to a sub that you haven't tried on yourself.
I've always followed that guideline, from caning to using plugs, from electro stim to puppy play, we as Dominants cannot expect our subs to accept sensations with which we are not personally familiar.
We are guides. In order to fulfill that role, we have to first learn the way.
I've published some smut, collected some essays, and seen quite the parade of narcissistic blather on Twitter since I last wrote in the blogosphere.
It's time for yet another of my rather pointed/vulgar rants.
This time, I'm talking to those who put appearance before substance.
I'm talking to anyone who makes a duck face while wearing a corset, and believes that endows the right to command respect.
I'm talking to every single person, whether Pro or Lifestyle, who bypasses finesse and technique in favor of finery and brute force.
It's not the corset that makes the Domme - it's everything else that happens before you suit up for a session.
You have to learn.
You have to question.
You have to practice.
You have to watch.
You have to participate.
You have to talk.
You have to listen.
You have to realize that no matter how excited or beautiful you are, and no matter how willing men may be to throw cash at you simply because you fulfill their visual fantasy, you have farther to go before knowing what it is you are doing.
You have to be responsible, in this world of kinkiness and leather and delicious fuckery, just like you'd have to be responsible in any other.
Strapping on a dildo may be fun, and hell, you might even look fantastic while wearing it, but if you don't know how to use it - back the fuck up. DO NOT ATTEMPT USE if you HAVE NOT BEEN TRAINED.
I don't care if you think you've got an idea. I don't care if you think it will be simple.
If you haven't taken a class, practiced with a seasoned vet of strapon play, or (preferably) a combination of the two, you have NO business fucking anyone in the ass, pussy, or mouth.
If you think you'd love to whip the shit out of a piggy little sub, and you've never held a paddle in your life, nor had any experience administering aftercare (or know what aftercare is!) then you need to slow your roll.
DO NOT ENGAGE IN CORPORAL PUNISHMENT until you've learned how to direct a sub to safeword, when and how to use water, ice, and lotion, and how to know when skin has had enough even when the sub wants more.
For many of you, dear readers, this is common sense: Learn how to play, before playing. Don't take chances with the safety of others, or your own self.
However, here's the sad state of affairs - the BDSM world, market, whatever you'd like to call it, is saturated with both Dommes and subs who want what they want as quickly as possible, no matter the potential risks that may be involved.
Too often I see women demanding that men inflict massive amounts of pain on their bodies, and I have to question: do those women have any first hand experience with either the application or reception of pain, on that level?
Too often I see Dominants showing off the marks they've left on their submissives and I question whether their own bodies have ever had to withstand force and shock in comparable quantities.
It's not just the physical impact that is administered - there's intense emotional involvement when pain and submission are combined. To take on the responsibility of another person's physical and mental well-being is just that: a responsibility. It has to be taken seriously.
My first teacher taught me this: don't do anything to a sub that you haven't tried on yourself.
I've always followed that guideline, from caning to using plugs, from electro stim to puppy play, we as Dominants cannot expect our subs to accept sensations with which we are not personally familiar.
We are guides. In order to fulfill that role, we have to first learn the way.
