Why Submission is Sexy

I adore using my pet like the delightfully willing and submissive boy that he is.
I revel in the fact that I have the privilege of using him in any way I wish.
I get off on the fact that my will is what dictates whether or not he gets to cum.

But, if I'm going to be perfectly frank, I also love knowing that he's submitting to me.

He's under my control.
He's under my protection.
He's just plain under me, most of the time, looking up and begging for more of what I, and only I, give him:
The ability to let go.

Submission is so damn sexy because it's what allows people to let go - and what gives other people (Dominants, I'm talking to you) the chance to get their fingers into another person's grey matter.

Submitting to me means that I get to roam around in your brain and then start using your mind to unravel your body.

Submitting to me means that I get to taste, touch, fuck, push, use, expand, overwhelm, and understand you.

Submitting to me means that I get to get down to the nitty-gritty, ever so hidden, darkest bits of your mind and run around with a flashlight.

Submitting to me means that I get to expose, excavate, and help you express all of the things you never thought were "acceptable" to want, say, do, or discuss.

Submission is sexy because it creates a safe space in which the craziest shit can happen.

Submission is sexy because it gives you permission to be whatever the fuck you want, and not be judged by me when I make/help you do anything we have the mental/physical capacity to enact.

Here's to the submissives, and their endlessly glorious mines of potential.

Kinky Foreplay - It's Not What You Think

When gearing up for D/s style play time, most novices/uninitiated envision lots of name-calling, spanking, orders being barked, and a healthy dose of leather.

It's what main-stream media and the vanilla music industry have taught you to think of when considering BDSM, Kink, or D/s interaction.

But here's the secret: D/s doesn't have to start roughly.
Sadistic Dominants are pre-programmed to want to manipulate and mark your beautiful flesh from the first second they get you on their floor/bed/bench/examining table, true.
But those who know what they are doing will start sessions in a far different fashion.

I, as a Dominant woman, prefer to savor, tease, test, and sample a blindfolded and bound submissive before I proceed with the high intensity play.

I enjoy examining, grooming, touching, tasting, kissing, and massaging my sweet and willing supplicants - because it turns me on.

Oh, you thought it was for their benefit?
I admit, it is, partially.
It gets their bodies on edge, their sensory receptors at maximum readiness.
However, I do what I do to those who submit under my touch because I love to play with my prey.

And, as a happily confirmed Sadist, I consider a submissive to be my most delicious prey.

I want to touch each appendage, I want to inspect my toy, I want to soothe and titillate the submissive before I start delivering the loving blows of my crop, whip, or paddle.

Dominants, never underestimate the joy of pampering a sub. Simply putting lotion or oil (depending on Your/their preferences) on the skin and gently rubbing it in can set a male or female submissive shaking with pleasure. Alternate with the wartenberg wheel to keep them from getting too mellowed and comfortable, and watch how they twitch and squirm in anticipation.

Showing attention and affection, while visually drinking in their prone (hopefully naked!) bodies ensures that they know they are on display...and that they are safe.

Safely enjoyed exhibitionism. What submissive DOESN'T want to show off for his/her Dominant?
Give them this opportunity to please while being perfectly still, and their minds will begin to race.

Nothing gets the body ready for playtime like an over active imagination.

So, the moral of the story is this, for any Dominants who are skipping over the grand time honored tradition of guiding your submissives into the proper mindset for play-time:

Groom and tease your pets, and they will love you for it.

Training Heath: Teasing, Sensory Play, Sadism, and Deprivation

We all know what it means to tease and be teased.

It's foreplay, of the best sort. 

It revs the engines, signaling the body to prepare itself for pleasure, pain, and (if it's lucky) orgasm.

It puts us on edge, and makes every sensation seem that much more intense, from biting to licking to flogging - every touch, stroke, and lash is heightened in our mind's perception.

Teasing is essential when beginning the training of a male pet, and, really, a pet of any gender. 

For Heath, in particular, sending him images throughout the workday, leaving notes by the bathroom mirror, and generally creating an environment of sexual saturation in day-to-day activities keeps him on the edge of his proverbial seat and rock hard in his literal panties. 

However, teasing is never (and should never be) the goal. 

It must be used as an effective tool to train, teach, own, envelope, and entrance. 

Teasing shouldn't last for weeks - there must be some sort of release at the beginning. 

Leave the long-term chastity fantasies on the back burner, if you're just beginning with a new sub. 

Yes, the idea of keeping him from orgasm for months on end may seem fantastic, but it is neither prudent nor realistic to try and enforce such strictures from Day One.

We, as Dominant Women, must use our natural abilities to teach, lead, and control to mold our new and/or inexperienced pets into the ideal submissives that We (and they!) desire them to be.

In training my pet, Heath, I knew that I would need to start slowly, sensually, and with a great deal of sensory-based play (ranging from the gentle to the brutal). Each new experience needed to be introduced with great care.
I knew that psychological Domination must be at the fore - the whys and hows and what ifs would need to be engrained in him from the outset, both through outright instruction AND subliminal/hypnotic vocal techniques during sessions.

To the left you can see the first set of tools I used in his first training session, all obtained from, and made by, The Stockroom: mini flogger, Wartenberg wheel, leather mini slapper, and leather blindfold lined in lambs wool. All four items provide a sensory experience, ranging from biting to tickling to deprivation. Each afforded my pet an introduction to accepting sensation on its own merits, accepting Domination, and submitting to the enjoyment of receiving without "returning any favors."

For Heath, the act of simply accepting the gift of sensation, pain, and pleasure is quite a jump from normalcy to the unknown. He had to wrap his mind around the fact that I, his Dominant, LOVE sessioning with him, and that it is for my own enjoyment.

Once he understood that my sadistic mind got IMMENSE pleasure from spanking, flogging, biting, scratching, and teasing him, he was able to truly enjoy being the object of all that attention without feeling guilty.

In this picture, you can see the set up for his first OTK play with an implement, the slapper. I gave him my mirror to hold whilst being spanked so that he could see me, and, more importantly, see how much I was enjoying myself. This technique of visual reassurance is invaluable for the novice submissive being introduced to pain, and submission, in general.

However, as important as it was for him to have the ability to see me during spanking, sight is often the sense that gets in the way of a submissive's enjoyment. All too often they can lose their buzz by looking around, looking at themselves, and (potentially) becoming self conscious.
For men, especially, being visually distracted by the appearance of the Domme can override the intensely enjoyable physical sensations being delivered.

To enhance all other senses, simply remove sight from the equation. This leather blindfold fits very snugly, but also with total comfort. It allowed Heath to let go and feel EVERYTHING with total focus on the sensations being delivered to his body rather than focusing on me, my face, or anything else in the scene.

Another excellent aspect of sight deprivation is Surprise. Heath never knew what sensation was coming next. The wheel? Teeth? My hands? The flogger? Keeping him on edge kept him rock hard and leaking!

Stay tuned for next week's installment: Paddles, Canes, and Marking!

Sometimes, a Domme needs a Wake-up call from Her submissive (A Treatise on Trust)

Let's take a moment to discuss lifestyle submission.
Not once-a-week session submission (which, if that's your thing, more power to you), but the type of submission that occurs between two people who have chosen each other as partners in and out of the bedroom.

Lifestyle submission requires far more than sexual attraction, consent, a fancy set of whips, and two minds that get off on power exchange.
It requires trust.
Boatloads of trust - from both parties.

Trust is a huge barrier for many Dominants. We become so focused on controlling situations, giving control to those who ask for it, and maintaining control over our own demons that we forget or hide from the fact that we MUST put faith and trust in those who are worthy of it.

During this week, my pet and I have faced the challenge of my post-op recovery. Anyone who knows me will attest to my poor behavior, as a patient. I will try to do too much, I will resist care, and I will become angry when I'm called out on my lack of adherence to Dr's orders.

My pet diligently and unwaveringly has called me out, and shown me sense.
And guess what?
He did that in the true spirit of a submissive - he acted as my protector.
He trusted himself, and he trusted his own abilities, even when I refused to do so.

He protected me from my own inappropriate behavior.
He was respectful, but honest, when telling me I was not doing what was best for my health.
He told me, point blank, that my behavior was hurting me and hurting him.

He has put his life in my hands, physically, mentally, sexually, and emotionally. He pointed out that I need to entrust my health to him and put my care into his hands.

Allowing our submissives to care for us is not weakness.
It is not submission.
It is not an abandonment of our posts.

We must remember to put the same trust in our beloved pets as they have put in us.

Whore Enhancement through Chastity

I can think of no better way to control and enhance a whore and his/her natural disposition than to put him/her in chastity.

Consider the nature of a whore: sexual, needful, lustful, ever eager for more cock, more attention, and more input.
What better way to control a mind than to control its access to what it craves?

When too much sex is enjoyed by anyone, especially a whore, all sex becomes boring.
This type of tragedy must NOT be allowed to transpire, especially when a beloved whore, preferred pet, or promising sub is concerned.
Teach them the value of having to wait.
Teach their bodies the joy of delayed gratification.

The waiting and the restriction, when properly enforced alongside constant mental attention and engagement, will only whet their appetites and encourage greater obedience in the hope of receiving what they crave.

That constant mental engagement must be comprised of teasing.
Not generic teasing, not sporadic teasing, but focused and specifically tailored torture that will creep beneath the dura mater in the sub's mind and create a blanket of suggestion and titillation.

You have to care enough about your whore to make his mind your constant playground.

This is not a process to attempt by the novice Dominant or by someone who cannot commit a significant amount of attention to their submissive(s)/whore(s).

You will only succeed if you are adept at mind control and providing constant stimulation.

This does not mean you, personally, have to send them five million texts a day or be next to them, whispering in their ear or touching them.
Far from it.
You can do the obvious and put them in a chastity device.
They will feel the cage around them, all day, and fight with the feeling of arousal and inability to become erect.
You can enforce your will and make sure they are never without stimulation with daily assignments, stipulating the wearing of specific undergarments, or even piercing your pet to provide a constant sensory reminder that they are owned.

Hell, go for the gusto and have them wear lace panties over a newly pierced frenum.
I can tell you, it works like a charm: my favorite personal pet is never free of the constant feel of precum in his lacey boxer briefs.

Remember: creativity and consistency are key.
Make chastity the sexual and sensual experience it is meant to be, and your whore will be trained to perform at peak levels.
And they will love you, for it.

Verbal Stimulation - Using Your Words to Get Results

In working with more and more clients in this, my new city of Buffalo, I'm realizing just how widespread the disparity is between desire and the ability to articulate that desire.

Perhaps it is merely the disparity between desire and access to a safe space/person in and with whom to express that desire.

Either way, there's a lot of repression through which my clients are working.

And no, it's not a condition local to Buffalo.

It's certainly a behavior that I have previously encountered: subs who want, need, and crave Dominance but have no earthly idea how to ask for it or how to articulate the specifics of those desires.
I am, perhaps, simply so keenly aware of it, here, because it has been the common denominator amongst all of my clients, to date.

It is also the current, but slowly changing, condition of my sweetest pet and favorite personal sub.
Every day I'm learning just how painful but important it is to encourage and bear witness to the verbal expression, written or spoken, of his new and slightly unnerving journey toward self awareness.

That's what verbal interaction is all about, for both Dommes and the subs they love and the clients with whom they work: self awareness that leads to self fulfillment.

Physical pleasure is high on the list, and no one's denying it. I thrill every time I see my sweet pet or one of my clients absolutely lose themselves in sensation.
But the true high, the true ecstasy for me, comes from their understanding of those sensations and clear ability to ask for those sensations.

Am I on the cerebral end? You're damn right. Do I want to get inside the minds of every sub I encounter and lick their motor strip and processing centers until they cum? Double-damn right.

However, since lobotomy and cranial lingual stimulation are not recommended, I get to use my tongue in other ways - I get to use my words.

I get to describe, entice, tease, create, and titillate, all with the mere touch of my tongue to my teeth and hard palette.

I get to show my sweet favorite that I love him by telling him, outright, and by telling him what I love to do to him, his mind, and his body.

I get to encourage, praise, and correct with the softest direction and the most lustful demands.

I get to lead by example.

With every submissive, I strive to use my words in an effort to show them that they, too, can have exactly what they need through the simple act of asking.

Hell, you go ahead and beg, you beautiful submissives - you know I like that.

Articulate begging, and even barely-lucid begging, are hugely aphrodisiac in their effect.

But you have to start somewhere -
You have to start by talking, and by asking for what you want.

Believe me, your words will yield amazingly tailored and pleasurable results.