Tributes - Respect of Time and Effort Between Dommes and Slaves

When you think of a tribute, what comes to mind?
Jewelry, wine, gift cards, monetary deposits, services, or perhaps even traded talents such as webpage building or maintenance are all tributes that I've enjoyed receiving.

But it's not just about enjoyment, nor is it simply about me "using" a submissive for my own monetary, material, or status-based gain.

Tributes are the contract of good faith between a Domme and a sub, and especially between a ProDomme and a potential client. A tribute shows, in no uncertain terms, the worth that a sub places on his interaction with a Woman he truly wishes to serve. Tributes are the first and most basic form of service.

There is no service without sacrifice.
I want to make that point very clear.
The submissives who seek to receive time, effort, interaction, and assignments from Dommes without giving of themselves, their resources, or their talents FIRST are not only insulting but also blatantly ignoring the pretense under which they are operating - to serve a Woman.

What is service? It's making life better, easier, and more enjoyable for that Domme.

Service, in the case of Lifestyle Dommes and subs, could be cleaning the house, doing the laundry, fetching groceries, going on errands, filling the car with gas, or any other number of truly helpful tasks to be completed in order to make the Domme's life easier.
It could be manicures or pedicures, either bought for the Domme or completed by the sub himself. Pampering is always a highly valued form of service - it shows, intensely, that the submissive truly has put the Domina above himself and has taken pains to ensure that her comfort is paramount.
Monetarily providing for your Domme is, of course, a very clear form of service, and is the method of choice for many. But never discount the tributes of time, effort, and creativity from submissives.

Service, in the case of a sub and Domme engaged in professional interaction or FinDom, is clearly defined by the monetary offering a slave makes in order to receive time, attention, and interaction with a Dominant Woman. This monetary exchange, the initial tribute, shows the Domme that a client will not waste her time.

So often, far too often, submissive clients arrange a meeting, confirm the meeting, then do not arrive. There is no recourse for the ProDomme. There is no way of demanding money from the so-called client without engaging in blackmail, which (unless previously stated as a desired activity) is ethically unthinkable. The initial tribute, then, is necessary - much like a consult fee - to ensure that the Domme's time is not wasted.

Tributes are the first step in a submissive showing respect for the Domme, her time, and her talents.
It is no easy task to receive, analyze, and develop a method of delivery that will both challenge and ensure enjoyment by the submissive during a professional session. A Domme who takes her work seriously knows that there are hours and hours of prep involved, mentally, physically, and strategically. For a sub to not respect this time, and to merely expect this time to be given without recompense, is ridiculous.

Submissives, remember: you are asking a Domme to guide you, teach you, care for you, hurt you but not harm you, and give you access to the pleasure that you so deeply desire. You are asking for an enormous amount of individualized effort - never take that effort for granted, and in a professional setting, treat the Domme as you would treat your therapist, doctor, or any other person who takes both your mind and body into their care.

Dommes, We Get What We Give

I've read quite a bit about Dommes who are angered by men who are timewasters and losers, due to the fact that they do not instantly bow down, lick shiny patent leather toed pumps, open up the wallet, or do similar instant shows of submission.

I cannot help but roll my eyes.

Ladies, let us remember: We get what We give.

If we expect men to throw cash at us without so much as a mutual understanding of needs/desires/wants/expectations, then how in fuck-all are we better than the subs who email and immediately start the 40 questions routine?

If we demand to be worshipped before rapport is established with a would-be worshipper, then we are no better than the subs who try to top from the bottom and want Our time on their terms.

We've all shut down the fucktards who are demanding and who show no respect.

What, then, should we do when we, or Dommes we know, suddenly find ourselves demanding things that we have no right to demand?
We have to call a spade a spade and shut THAT type of behavior down.

When submissives are asked to pay to converse/establish rapport, then the submissive immediately feels used.
Demands for money without an established understanding of each other's wants/needs is just as disingenuous as a submissive who is all talk/a time waster.
And, let me clarify the term "used."

There is being used in play, in a consenting environment, and there is being used in real life in an unethical way by a Domme who is not holding up her end of the interaction.

Like it or not, would-be-Dominants, nothing comes for free.

To do FinDom, or any aspect of FemDom correctly, you need to actually BE a Dominant, and that means doing the work. Submission should NEVER happen instantaneously.

Domination should NEVER be presumed, just because you have Domme/Mistress/Madame/Goddess in front of your screen name.

If you expect instant gratification, I've got a news flash: you're in the wrong business/lifestyle.

Until you realize that you give what you get, you'll continue to give/get at the lowest common denominator.

We are better than that.
Let's act like we know it.

Fuck Generic Play

Yes, I said it.
Fuck generic play.

I'll keep saying it.
Fuck generic interaction, communication, and play.

In fact, no - using the word fuck, here, is contradictory.
Being generic should NEVER garner the pleasure of being fucked, mindfucked, or even "fucked with" in the sense of teasing.

Nothing is more insulting to me, as a Pro and Lifestyle Domme, than those individuals who regurgitate the same old boring, tired, generic slop and try to pass it off as some kind of worshipful and innovative brand of FemDom.

To any who are guilty of this behavior, to any degree, I say:
Knock that shit off.

Respect yourself enough to learn, interact, speak, write, and play on a sincere level.

Go out and meet people in your community, or in other communities.

Get off the internet once in a while and live the life you claim to love.

Give BACK.

Grow, for fuck's sake.

I'm swearing, today.
This happens when I get my blood pumping early in the morning.
The four letter words come out when I have reached the end of my patience with women, men, and anyone who does not fall exclusively into either category, who attempt to style themselves as the Real Deal.

No, posing with a five dollar whip does not make you Dominant.
No, calling every person with whom you interact a bitch or a piggy does not make you an adept practitioner of FemDom.
No, being a demanding and brattish glutton for material goods does not make you an actual FinDomme.
No, verbally kissing the ass of anyone with the title of Master or Mistress does not make you a submissive.
No, being an attention whore does not make you worthy of a Domme/Dom's attention.

People, wake up.

Stop the generic approach to D/s.
Stop the generic approach to business.
Stop the generic approach to interaction.

I feel like writing the Bondage version of Fight Club.
I feel, distinctly, like Tyler.

You are not your number of Twitter followers.
You are not your number of friends on FetLife whom you've never met, in person.
You are not the pile of expensive shoes sitting in your walk-in closet in which you never walk.

Most of us don't wear khakis, but the statement still applies:
You are not your fucking khakis.

In the end, that's what all the trappings of Domination become, if you allow yourself to become lazy, complacent, stagnant, and generic - your leather corset becomes the khakis of the Kinky world.

Fuck. That. Noise.

Do something, today, that is outside of your norm.
Do something, today, that is genuine.
Do something, right now, this moment, that will set you on the path to being both stimulated and stimulating.

You are not the crop in your closet.
You are not the boots on your feet.
You are not your fucking corset.

Change starts, now.

"What is the point of Financial Domination?"

"What is the point of Financial Domination? I get it - you get tons of cash from men who have nothing else to do with their money, but is there an actual point? What's sexy about it?"

Financial Domination has always, for me, been an activity to defend, as a ProDomme.

I see so much of the same verbiage being flung around by flash-in-the-pan, looking-for-a-quick-buck untrained "dommes": "Pay up, piggy!" "Be my human ATM!" "Pay my bills, you worthless bitch-boy!"

It's no wonder people laugh at FinDom or dismiss it as illegitimate when such a paucity exists  of FinDommes with imagination, and the niche is reduced to a patly scripted exchange.

I propose that there is a better way.
There is so much more to FinDom than the money that changes hands, just as there's more to Sadomasochism than the whip or paddle used to deliver lashes/spanks.

Money is not the end goal - power exchange is the end goal.

For some Kinksters, giving up their financial wealth and freedom is the most erotic form of submission.
A former client, who worked as a financial advisor, would tell me at every opportunity, "It's the fact that I can just let go - I know you get all of it, except my allowance, and it feels so good knowing that I can worship you like this. I don't worry about the money - I love making the sacrifice."

The key bit of information that is so often left out is that the "sacrifice" was a carefully planned and maintained amount that was agreed upon after much communication between myself and the financial submissive. I didn't take all of his money, or leave him to starve, or prohibit him from maintaining a normal and healthy lifestyle outside of our interaction.

The fantasy of total financial ruin is just that: a fantasy.
Anyone who actually goes out looking for this needs to be referred to professionals for either financial counseling or possible talk therapy to get to the root cause of such financial self-harm.

For those who can express their needs for humiliation coupled with financial domination (or simply play that centers on the fantasies of being financially used) there are endless possibilities for SAFE and SANE interactions and payments.

Trained, experienced, and ethical Financial Dominants will not only use their imaginations to roleplay and interact with their clients, but will also check in, regularly, outside of play to make sure the client is not harming himself through his financial sacrifices.