Sissy Beginnings - Questions, Desires, and Willingness to Work

Broaching the topic of sissy play can be daunting, especially for first timers, both male and Female.

The best attitude to take when a significant other, pet, or partner talks about sissy desires is one of openness.

Ask questions.

Be attentive to detail.

Be sure to exude and cultivate safety and security during all conversations.

I emphasize this because there is no way to understand or enjoy a fetish without first understanding where the enjoyment of that fetish comes from, both for You and your partner.

He will be nervous - and You may be slightly confused or thrown off balance - but the only way to move forward is without ambiguity.

Questions are the foundation of understanding where to start and how to move forward in exploring this new-found interest.

The more You learn about his own fantasies the more You’ll become aware that there is room for an immense amount of imagination, pleasure, and enjoyment for BOTH of you within a sissy play context.

Certain questions to ask that will bolster your understanding of his sissy desires, fantasies, and needs are as follows:

“What was it about Sissy Play that first appealed to you?”

“What types of memes, stories, and scenarios have you come across that you find to be most exciting?”

“What type of clothes are you attracted to when you think of dressing up as a gurl?”

“What are some of your own specific fantasies involving sissy play?”

“Are there particular fabrics, sensations, or items that excite you, when dressing up?”

“Have you ever thought of shaving, tweezing, and other modification type activities? If so, have you enacted any, or would you like to?”

“Do your fantasies involve women, men, or both?” (This question can be broached either at the outset or farther into the time during which you are both exploring his sissy desires. Often, the desire for one gender or the other’s involvement outside Your immediate control can fluctuate.)

The above questions are a jumping off point, and yes, they sound a bit academic. I trust that anyone reading will be able to tweak these questions to fit their own style of sissy-sleuthing. They are, by no means, a comprehensive list of points to discuss, nor are they all going to apply to every sissy. However, never be afraid of trial and error, especially when it comes to examining and discussing fantasies. More questions are ALWAYS better than too few.

Questions let him feel safe and to show him that you are interested in understanding his desires.

The greatest asset to a Dominant Female is a thorough understanding of her submissive. With a man who craves sissification, this is overwhelmingly true. He will, most likely, not fully understand his desires, himself.

This is not a bad thing.

If your partner is coming to you and discussing sissy curiosity, it is highly likely that you are the first person to whom he has expressed these desires.

Consider Yourself honored - it takes a very special Woman for a man to feel safe enough to disclose fantasies such as those involved with Sissy Play.

Along with that honor, don’t feel pressured to indulge every fantasy. Keep control and feel free to ask many, many questions and help him get to a point of knowing exactly what it is he wants. Then, sift through his desires and examine which appeal to You, his Mistress.

Next, You can refine a list of potential activities that satisfy both of Your needs. It’s not a one way process of him asking and you giving. On the contrary, you, as the Woman, have every right to mold him into your ideal Sissy.

Not only is it Your right to mold, guide, and lead, but it is essential to the process of him giving up control of his dress, affect, and sexuality as a Sissy. With You in control, he attains the freedom to feel safe when enacting his desires to feel, look, and BE feminine.

The process can’t happen all at once, and often it behooves the Domme to give Her sissy goals to attain each subsequent level of play. 

This can be a gradual escalation of physical modification followed by piece-by-piece building of lingerie wardrobes, or be as simple as allowing him to pick out one item of makeup at a time and having to earn the privilege of learning how to use each item over the span of a few weeks.

Every sissy needs to work. The effort reinforces the value of his transformation and the value of the time and attention being paid to that transformation by the Domme.

Remember: ask questions, listen, and insist on his personal examination of his desires.  Sissy play must be based in honesty and the ability to work hard in attaining transformation from masculine to Feminine.

Your job, as Mistress, is to cultivate Your sissy’s desire to become ever more dedicated to that transformation.

To be continued…

Mimosa Foot-bath Decadence for Goddesses (and the footsluts who love Them)

A Blood Orange Mimosa foot treatment, to be received by only the most Opulent and Decadent of Goddesses and to be offered as sacrifice by only the most dedicated and devoted of slaves.

Items needed:
1 Magnum of Champagne (Veuve Clicquot preferred)
6 Blood Oranges
2 Champagne Flutes
2 Footbaths or 2 Large Porcelain Bowls (capable of holding at least 1 Gallon of Liquid, each)
1 Herringbone Weave Turkish Bath Towel
1 Tray of Ice Cubes

 1) Chosen footslut hand squeezes 6 blood oranges. The juice of 3 of the oranges goes into a champagne flute. The juice from the other 3 is set aside in a container from which it can easily be poured, along with the pulp from all 6 oranges. This is to be done before the Mistress arrives to ensure all expediency in providing Her with pleasure.

2) The footslut provides comfortable seating for his Mistress (low couch or well padded leather armchair, preferred), and then adds champagne to the flute containing blood orange juice to create a mimosa for the Mistress.

 3) While Mistress sips her Mimosa, the footslut pours enough champagne into the footbath/appropriately sized porcelain bowl to cover the feet of his Mistress. The juice from the last 3 blood oranges is added to the foot bath.

4) The footslut then massages the champagne and juice into the soles, toes, and arches of the Mistress, paying special attention to the skin between her toes and to the heels of her feet. The citrus will invigorate and stimulate the skin, as will the effervescence of the champagne.

4) When Mistress is satisfied, both with her drink and the massage, the footslut will retrieve the other footbath/porcelain bowl filled with steaming water, and bring ice cubes to temper the water to his Mistress' taste. He will then rinse Her feet and use only the plushest of towels to dry them, after they are thoroughly rinsed.

5) (Optional)  Once Mistress is relaxed, enjoying her drink with dry feet, the footslut may be granted the privilege of pouring the contents of the first footbath into the second champagne flute and enjoying his own mimosa.

 Repeat as desired!

"What makes Foot Fetish scenes exciting, for You?"

"Madame, I have seen your recent pictures on Twitter, and I adore your feet, especially in heels. Can you please tell me what You think of Foot Fetishism, and if You enjoy it?"

Foot/shoe fetishism, whether gentle foot worship or sadistic gagging with perfectly manicured toes and a long slick heel, is thrilling to me on three levels.

First, I adore the visual of men on their knees, staring down at my feet, looking as subservient and eager as they can.
I love watching their mouths open, their breath come quickly, and their foreheads begin to sweat as I cross and uncross my legs or ankles.
I adore seeing the anticipation overwhelm their minds.
Merely watching a footslut stare at my feet, shod or unshod, could keep me entertained for hours.
I mean that.
The pure excitement, the need, the hunger - it appeals to me on every level.
From a very young age I was enamored of the thought of men kissing my feet and worshipping me in general - the first time a man ever kissed the arch of my foot as I sat at a bar, I nearly burst with excitement.

Second, I find that many men with foot/shoe fetishes are far more cerebral in their kinks.
What I mean by that is, on average, the men who approach me for foot domination and shoe/boot related scenes have specific desires and are willing to share their stories with me.
They want me to understand why they love what they love - and I'm always eager to know their reasons.
Foot worship, and worship of any kind, allows me to get into the ceremony of a session; it allows me to build the atmosphere of charismatic worship and charismatic entrancement; it becomes a pseudo-religious experience because there is such intense structure and focus and total devotion to the idea of the submissive placing himself at my feet and worshipping my feet and the shoes that adorn them.

Third, there are few other fetishes that approach the pure form of submission shown in getting down on the floor and begging merely to kiss the foot of a Domme.
It is erotic to see men physically put themselves beneath me.
It is empowering and affirming for me to see men who are able to embrace their needs in such an overt way.
There is no dissembling; there is no hiding; there is no posturing.
They are beneath me, in every sense of the word, and they love it.


Foot Fetishists, you make this Domme exceedingly happy, and I find your requests incredibly exciting.
Keep them coming!

"What attracts you, as a ProDomme, to Sissy Play?"

"Madame, I would like to ask why you, personally, enjoy sissy-play and sissification?"

I love the personal questions!

For me, the enjoyment of sissification and sissy play comes from the extreme mental PE (power exchange) through physical modification.

There's so much to do: costumes, make up, shoes, hosiery, maid outfits, training outfits, lingerie, clit ties, taping...the list never seems to stop! The only limits on the extent of sissification are within my and my client's imagination.

I love meeting a man who in vanilla life is a suit-wearing, top exec, but who yearns to put on those red lace panties and be forced to wear lipstick and rouge.

I love tying a pretty little bow on the boy-clit of a construction worker whose body hair must be shaved, meticulously, before every session, to enhance his total transition to sissy princess.

I enjoy the process of understanding where these men come from, why they love what they love, what drives them to live such dualities of masculinity and femininity.

I enjoy watching and effecting the physical and mental transformations that occur during each session, and truly relish the trust and total honesty inherent to such intimate sessions.

Every client is so different, every set of desires so varied. I find it to be a fetish that forces me, as a professional, to be better, more imaginative, more analytical, and more creative. I am thankful for every client who presents me with the opportunity to indulge such a complex fetish!

I very much love the aspects of sissy-play within the context of personal relationships, as well.
I adore watching a cherished sub open presents that are lacey, pink, soft, flowing, and/or slutty.
The looks of happiness and girlish excitment as they shimmy into panties, skirts, and hosiery never cease to make me smile.
I love applying lip gloss, in bright sparkling flamingo pink, to the lips of sweet sissies who want nothing more than to feel pretty.

Ask-a-Domme: "Is it ethical to treat Domination like a job?"

"...most females that are taking part of the BDSM scene are treating it like a job, making money out of it and "play[ing]" [as] needed in order to maximize profits. It's not that i reject their right to gain money out of it, (on the contrary, i think that males should finance the LADIES and work hard for it), but it should not be the main and only purpose. if it comes as part of controlling all the males privileges, it make sense. same way i see spanking and canning. if it just for enjoying the pain, it is not about female domination - it's about [a] male having some type of sexual release. [However,] if the FEMALE is using pain to demonstrate her ruling or to modify the male behaviour it [is] accepted and even necessary. in principle i embrace every activity that comes as part of giving/taking full control by the sub/MISTRESS although i don't like them all but this is not important in the big picture of total submission.

YOUR thoughts?"

Note: The lower case i is not a repeated mistake but a personal preference of this individual in expressing his submission, mentally, to me and all women. This also accounts for the caps used for the words ladies, female, mistress, and your. 

 Re: spanking/caning/flogging for purposes other than discipline: I know, first hand, the release that can come from such an intense physical experience as part of a session and also the value of this activity in foreplay, so I cannot discount the value of these activities unto themselves. However, I despise solicitation by submissives who only want to be serviced in this way and who do not engage with their Dominants on a cerebral level. If you want pain, release, subspace, catharsis, and to receive all of these things at the hand of a Dominant woman, then don't play at submission - actually submit. I do not condone the practice of men showing up at a dungeon, paying for twenty minutes of spanking with a total stranger, and then leaving. There must be mental understanding and mindfulness of what is occurring and why it is occurring.

 Re: making money as a Domme - I believe that it is accurate to say that most "pro Dominatrix" workers are not trained and do not have the mental capacity to be true/effective Dominants. I see and hear horrible examples of men who sought out a Dominant woman, professionally, and had damaging experiences because the "Dominants" were corseted women with whips who had no formal training in the activities in which they engaged.

 I view what I do as therapeutic, when I physically do sessions with clients. I perform exhaustive intake interviews before ever playing with anyone. I do not cater to men, as this is neither sound professional practice nor contextually sensible. If/when men attempt to order activities like ordering from a menu, I correct them or end the communication. It is my mission to help men, women, and couples understand the benefits of FemDom and the D/s lifestyle in a manner that is built on ethical and intelligent introspection and play.

 I have chosen this as my profession because I believe that the best way for me to provide for my family in a loving and productive way is through doing what I truly love in a way that brings positive change to the world. My husband and I both work, and we do so because we are both intelligent human beings with much to offer the world by way of sharing our talents. This does not mean that I am any less a Domme because I work and provide, and while I can understand your view of wanting males to provide for women, I believe ultimately that the choice to work is the woman's to make.

Communication: The Great Common Denominator

Communication means being willing to speak difficult truths.

It means putting honesty and transparency above comfort.

Communication means speaking your total truth, but also being prepared to hear the truth of your partner(s).

In a D/s, PE, or TPE relationship where control is at a premium, a couple cannot survive unless transparent communication is at the heart of the relationship.

If we look openly and honestly at all relationships, it's clear that communication is the single factor that can make or break even the most solid of romantic foundations.

It's not just the BDSM/Kink community that needs to keep communication at the fore: it's every couple, every poly arrangement, every single human being that wants to get what they need and provide their loved one(s) the same service.

If you do not ask, you cannot know.
If you do wish to know, you must ask.

"What's the point of being Dominated?"

"What's the point of a BDSM session? If I told someone that I was paying a woman to come to my house, kick me in the balls and then slap me before shoving things in my ass, I can't even imagine what they would say to me."

First of all, this cannot be boiled down to a simple goods-for-cash dynamic.
Yes, I am getting paid.
Yes, you are the one paying me.
But I am not a convenience store with product on the shelves, ready for consumption.
We must communicate.
You must be willing to bare your needs, desires, fetishes, and whole sexual self to me, in order for me to give you the EXPERIENCE you desire.

You're paying me to give you the sensory and mental input you crave, in a stylized manner that allows you to give up the constant drive to control and withdraw.

You're paying me to get what you want, the way you want it, in a safe and secure setting, without any fear or shame.

Reducing what you want to the lowest common denominator ("come to my house, kick me in the balls, slap me before shoving things in my ass") feeds a perceived "wrongness" of it.

What I do is not wrong, but it is taboo, and it is not for the faint of heart.
There will be consensual pain, but it is a portal - it allows you to let go of the other types of pain that plague you.

The concept of "how much can you know about yourself, if you've never been in a fight" applies here, as well: how much can you know about yourself until you let go, and give up control to me?

 Asking "what's the point" of a session is like asking "what's the point of sex, for pleasure?" - the point is the emotional, physical, sensory, and mental input.

The point is experiencing pleasure on your own terms, in the way you most desire to feel pleasure.