Balancing Dominant/submissive Dynamics and Evolutionary Needs

A long time ago I had to learn that there isn't ownership of a sub toward a Dom, and that jealousy is the death of happiness in a D/s dynamic.

I own my pet, but if he tried to own me it would create an awful dynamic. The very definition of Topping from the bottom is a sub attempting to control the actions, decisions, and interactions of their Dom.

It is not the role of a submissive to dictate My behavior; it is My job as the submissive's Dominant to act in a manner that keeps my submissive safe, cared for, satisfied, and which encourages that submissive to grow and evolve in their life, both Kinkily and personally.

When there's open and consistent analysis and conversation, this dynamic can flourish. I use the word analysis because there's a very high degree of consideration, introspection, and comparative critical thinking that's necessary to maintain the delicate balance between a Dominant and submissive, especially when the Dominant maintains a stable of submissives rather than interacting purely 1:1 with a single pet.

When I've been topped, or when I'm owned, I enjoy knowing that I don't have to be jealous because the concept simply is inapplicable.

To be owned means to let go of the need for control, not only over yourself but also over the other person's emotions. You become a cherished possession, but not an equal or dictating force. It is the peace of a servant, pet, and slave to be told, to listen, to adhere, to receive, and to give permission to their Dom for such a power exchange to occur.

I'm of the belief that the typical Dominant individual craves the constant variance afforded by polyamorous/stable interaction with several submissives because it allows the Dominant to flex different styles of dominance, play, and influence, thereby building Her/His repertoire and continuing to evolve.

When jealousy and shut mouths enter the fray, even the most caring Dominant and submissive/s relationship can fall to pieces. Jealousy is the deadliest emotion for a submissive, often turning their love for a Dominant into a need merely to fend off any other submissives who would "steal" or "lessen" attention for themselves. The solution, in my own experience, to jealousy is to realize that each pet is cherished as an individual, not as one of several identical possessions.

We don't wear one outfit, eat one meal, or watch one television show. We don't adore one song, one artist, or one instrument and forsake all others. We thrive, as humans, on variety and the ever evolving variances in our own tastes, abilities, and desires.

Submissives, realize that your greatest asset is your individuality and unique talents - they are what caused your Dominant to choose you, spend time with and on you, and care for you and your needs.

Dominants, remember, if you wish to continue to grow and also interact with a growing number of submissives: be sure that you can appreciate, care for, and encourage each of them to the best of your ability while also receiving what you desire.

On Varied Love: An Open Letter to My pet/Husband, on Polyamory

My darling pet, my devoted husband, my best friend, and the father of our beautiful child,

I love you more than I thought it would be possible to love another human being.
You have given me a life, a family, and a home that, without you, would not have been possible.
You teach me, every day, what it means to be a Partner.
You help me, every day, to be the best Domme I can possibly be.

 Because I love you, and because you have given me such varied gifts of love, I believe it is right and salutary that I present this letter, to you, in a way that shares my messages of love for you, and revelation within myself, in a public venue.

I need you to understand what it means when I talk about polyamory.

Polyamory is not based in greed, dissatisfaction, or narcissism.
It is based in the personal and interpersonal knowledge that Love can exist between more than two people and still be True.

 (I have been trying to find an accurate way to express this for over a decade. Being able to finally do so, in a moment of writer's clarity, is one of the great reliefs of my life.)

After ten years, ten long years of trying to figure out what in thunderfuck my brain needed in order to feel whole and complete and sane and at peace, I am finally comfortable saying, "Yes, I am poly."

Yes, I want to enjoy the bodies, minds, and junk of other people.
Yes, I want to lap at a woman's cunt until she loses her mind.
Yes, I want to feel the security of submitting to a man who knows his way around a flogger and the female mind, from a sensually sadistic standpoint.

It's not easy to make these statements, nor are they statements that I make lightly.

I realize that making these statements, and doing so in a public manner, may have intense repercussions in my own home and with you, my own devoted partner.

I also realize that, in order to be the best Domme, wife, and partner possible, all cards must be on the table.
All truth must be transparent and accessible.

 Is this terrifying?
 Yep.
I'm scared-near-shitless to be speaking my truth.

 But, the Truth has a funny way of making itself heard, and of leaving Peace in its wake.

 Here's to Love, and to being honest with those to whom we give it.

 Yours,
 Beatrice


Post Scripts, from Me to him: 

- No amount of play with another person will ever cause me to stop loving you, or to love you in a different manner. You are my Primary, my Heart, and my Husband.

- I did not tell you what was in my head in order to change you.
I did it for myself.
I did it in order to be honest.
I did it in order to follow the same expectations I have set down, for you.
 Honesty.
Transparency.
Clear statements of desires.
Saying things that i'm scared to say, but doing it anyway, because it's the right thing to do.
Keeping nothing a secret.
Keeping you informed of what is happening in my head, no matter how scary I think it might be, both to tell you and for you to hear.

I will never stop telling you the truth.
I will never stop listening to the truth you tell, to me.