Online Domination - What makes it work?

Domination that is distance or online regulated is a highly intellectual experience and, therefore, requires not only imagination but also creativity and problem solving in order to maintain excitement between partners.

The cornerstone of this relationship is mental attraction, with each partner taking on the responsibility of mentally stimulating and motivating the other. Typically, it must be two evenly matched individuals to ensure that long distance D/s play succeeds - boredom is the enemy that can only be kept at bay by constant invention.

When partners are mismatched (for example, the sub having little exposure to mental play or the Dom having less experience than the sub) it can be taxing to maintain the freshness of interaction or the pace at which the relationship can grow. When a pair is evenly matched in both expectation and dedication to interaction, there is fertile ground for a growing and rewarding relationship.

 As with any D/s interaction, there is a process through which the ability to interact over great distances or online are proven. There must be proven worth, from the submissive especially, showing that s/he is capable of adhering to commands without physical check ins or inspections. Honesty is paramount in both sides of this equation, and time dedicated to interaction must be rationed until a deeper level of commitment has been deemed appropriate.

It's in this beginning phase where a D/s dynamic is tested for the mental aptitude that will be necessary to keep up the sexual momentum of those first heated textual exchanges that so often begin online interaction.

 I took the time to ask one of my online submissives to tell me about his take on online submission (with an emphasis on chastity), and the following are my questions and his answers. Enjoy!


For how long have you engaged with a Dominant Woman online?

Well, we met online over 2 years ago, but I only started submitting properly 18 months ago. This was my first and, like all relationships, it can take a while to recognise absolute compatibility. With something as serious as chastity, neither of us wanted to jump into something that didn't have any future or potential.

 What drew you to such an interaction?

Mutual interests, first and foremost. We started to chat online about domination, BDSM, D/s relationships and such like initially. Then, once we started to delve a little deeper into our fantasies and interests, it was clear that we shared many of them. It was so refreshing to hear someone else describe their desires almost as if they could read your mind.

What makes chastity erotic? 

That's a tough question! I find it very ironic. The fact that someone denying my erections and my orgasms arouses me never ceases to make me smile. Part of it, certainly, is the control. Having any aspect of your life controlled by another is, to someone submissive, wonderful. If it's of a sexual nature then it's even better. For me, having the most sexual part of my body controlled is simply fantastic. Being erect and achieving orgasm are both such amazing feelings that having them controlled is an immense turn on. It makes them so very special when they do happen. Mentally, I notice a change too. After a couple of weeks there's an increased sexual arousal that I only have when denied. I love it.

What is pleasurable about another person controlling your ability to become hard? Your ability to have an orgasm? 

That's the submissive part of me that enjoys those aspects of it. I love being controlled and being controlled sexually is an unbelievable high. Physically I may be restrained, but mentally I'm more turned on than ever whenever I'm told I'm not allowed to get hard or not allowed to cum.

Are you always honest with your Dominant?

I try to be. At first, it was difficult when we talked about subjects and turn ons that I was, initially, embarrassed about. Once I realised that there was no need for shame, it became a lot easier. Nowadays, we both try to be as honest as we can with each other. Of course, we still have bad days and there are times when I have had enough and just want to break the lock, remove the device and make myself cum. I try to be honest about those feelings, we discuss them and then move forward.

What makes it easier/harder to talk online?

I think it's easier to find a compatible person online as you can speak honestly about subjects that are usually considered taboo and not be afraid. You can become a member of a specific niche erotic group from the comfort of your own living room and meet likeminded people. Once you've met, it doesn't matter if you chat online or in person as you know the other's interests and need not be afraid to talk about your desires. AlthoughI think, for me, it will always be a little easier online.

Are you more or less open online than you are in person?

More, for sure. It's easier to be honest behind a computer, for me anyway. Certainly initially, when you have nothing to lose. You can have an online identity and keep your personal life a secret until you have built up enough trust.

Have your desires evolved since you began being Dominated?

Definitely! When I started I was interested in chastity, orgasm control and anal play. Since meeting, we have discovered that I'm very much turned on by other things that were deeper inside me. Things I didn't realise or know about. Cuckolding, for example. I'd love to be there whilst my Madame is intimate with another. We have also discussed activities that, not too long ago, I would never have even entertained. Things like forced bi. I could be told to drop to my knees and perform oral sex on my Madame's partner whilst they kiss. Before we met online, I would never have even entertained such a thought. We've talked about this when we meet. I must admit I am very, very nervous about having my first sexual experience with another man, but I would never have even talked about it a while ago. We've discussed cuckolding and forced bi for when we meet. She'll be with her man who has a frighteningly large, pierced penis and how she'd enjoy watching me suck my first cock. I'd then be tied to the bed face up and she'd lie on top of me in a 69 position so I could pleasure her with my mouth as her man slide in and out. We've also talked about other things, like public displays of affection. One of the things I'm most looking forward to is meeting her for the first time, bowing down and delicately kissing her feet. My desires have also become grounded, since being dominated. For example, as much as I'd enjoy it, I know I will never be allowed inside her. The most I can hope for is to be there whilst someone else pleasures her in that way. I also know that the strict orgasm control will continue. As much as I may fantasise about being stroked and edged every day, the reality is that I may be granted an orgasm (if I'm lucky) and it may or may not be her giving it to me. She may just permit me to jack off quickly in front of her, which would still be wonderful.

What has contributed to this evolution? Your Madame? Your self? 

I think both of us, but it's more her recognising things in me that I didn't know myself. She could see how submissive I was before I even knew it myself. She could tell things about me, traits she recognised through experience, that have come true. It's been eye opening, for me.

Training for Sissies - Discipline A Must!

Hello dear readers!

Today's post centers on a subject that is both fraught with nuance and rife with controversy - the proper way to keep a Sissy-in-Training in check.

(Alright, so there aren't THAT many folks up in arms over the proper technique for keeping our prissy little girlie-boys in line, but I've been privy to a few hot debates over the past two weeks, and I wanted to weigh in on where I draw the line during sissy training!)

To start, I will stress that, even when administering discipline, it is never ideal to be so harsh as to squelch a sissy's enthusiasm. After all, what makes sissies so appealing (at least, to My mind) is their incredibly sexualized drive to please. That being said, every eager sissy needs some molding to become the perfect suck-and-fuck toy for his Mistress.

Keep him reminded of his place: a pretty boy will find it easy to get caught up in his own new-found "pretty" status as he sees the way skirts, tights, high heels, dresses, and lingerie look on his well-toned body. Do not allow vanity to creep into your sissy's mind to such a degree that he becomes conceited. A sissy should take pride in what his OWNER thinks of him, not in what he thinks of himself.

Always keep your sissy aware that he has room to improve. It may be in his physical appearance, it may be in his ability to walk in those new four inch heels, or it may even be in his vocal pitch and volume. No sissy is ever a perfect sissy - and no sissy should ever feel bored, unchallenged, or as if he has no more to learn! Keep them humble to keep them happy and hungry for more training!

Keep him locked up. Chastity is key (pun absolutely intended) to reminding a sissy boy that his cock is no longer the central piece of his appeal, sexuality, or bodily awareness. Instead, by keeping him caged, you remind him that he must focus on keeping every other piece of himself up to standard: shaved, tweezed, and ready to be exposed at ANY moment.

The ideal sissy should be ready for service at all times, and must never EVER bring embarrassment to his Mistress by having stray hairs, scruff, or stubble interfere with his feminine appearance. Failure to maintain proper sissy-hygiene will result in denial of sissy dress, play, and recognition from the Mistress.

Remember, Owners: the greatest act of discipline for a sissy is to be stripped of his sissy identity. When a girlie-boy misbehaves, slacks off, or otherwise disappoints his Mistress, he has forfeited the privilege of being Her sissy, and all the trappings that come with that distinction.

It is not the right of a sissy boy to be dressed, caged, exhibited, or shared for use and abuse. As Mistresses, we hold the power to fulfill or deny the fantasies, desires, and deeply-rooted needs of sissy-boys - we must ensure that each one who enjoys Our control has, first, earned the privilege to enjoy that control.

Male Chastity Day: Establish Total Ownership & Give Him the Gift of Control

Today, when so many are reeling from the emotional rollercoaster/Armageddon of Valentine's Day, we must not forget the ACTUAL importance of February 15th.

That's right.

It's Male Chastity Day!

Such a glorious day, don't you think? Dedicated solely to the practice of locking up cocks on submissive men in order to bring control, calm, and caged bliss to their horny lives.

Because the cock is such a fickle, needful, inconvenient, and downright impatient beast, it clearly needs to be treated like a child with bad behavior: it needs to be given boundaries.
It needs structure.
It needs rules.
And it needs them NOW.

Today, assess your husband/boyfriend/submissive and ask yourself this question: is it time for Me, as a Dominant, to exert My total control over his cock?
The answer, of course, is a resounding YES.

How can we, the ones in a position of power and control, claim to be giving our submissives the restraint and Dominance they crave if we let their cocks, masturbation habits, and ability to cum run free?
We cannot claim it at all when chastity is not being implemented.

Now, before there are cries of "but that's so much WORK!" remember this - being a Dominant IS work. Get that set in your mind and embrace it, or get out of the lifestyle.

On to the fun stuff!

Caging

Caging is, of course, the most lauded and publicly recognized form of chastity within circles who implement the practice. There is a solid, locked, inescapable restriction put on men by their keyholders from which they cannot escape without explicit release from the Dominant who has the key to any given device.

There are so many choices for devices, which makes it fun to shop, select, and try on various options with submissives. There is a certain learning curve with sizing and determining practicality across various lifestyles, but it is, overall, an exciting step for any D/s couple trying out the practice, and can be an immensely important bonding activity for trust building and, of course, foreplay.

This method provides visual, tactile, and psychological appeal because it is so PRESENT.
A sub, in the beginning stages, will feel the constant constriction and physical reminder that their dick is no longer a toy that belongs to them. The magical moment is when a submissive male realizes...oh my Goddess...being caged...feels GOOD.

They will begin to crave the cage, feel safe within the cage, and positively LOVE the cage.


Psychologically Enforced Chastity or The Honor System

A level up, of course, is mental chastity implemented through sheer psychological ownership.
This type of chastity is only for those D/s relationships where honesty and total obedience are unquestioned, and in which the Dominant can devote larger amounts of time and effort to chastity training.

It's no easy thing to trust a submissive to not touch themselves based on the honor system, and it requires months, if not years, of training to instill total obedience and the ability for them to resist their urge to masturbate based on a need to please you, the Dominant.

The process also requires constant encouragement, reward systems, and positive verbal reminders of how much the submissive is pleasing you, his Dominant, by remaining chaste.

Creating an atmosphere in which rewards are centered on giving the Dominant pleasure, arousing his body and mind through activities other than sex, and teaching him that arousal does not inherently guarantee, nor should always include, orgasm = three techniques that play a large part in honor-system chastity training.

Take it from Me: the knowledge that your submissive is enthralled to your will and has overcome his pubescent masturbatory habits in order to please YOU is an enormously rewarding payoff.


This Valentine's Weekend, take back Control - and lock up that cock in a cage or the vice of your own deliciously Dominant and deviant will!

Whore Enhancement through Chastity

I can think of no better way to control and enhance a whore and his/her natural disposition than to put him/her in chastity.

Consider the nature of a whore: sexual, needful, lustful, ever eager for more cock, more attention, and more input.
What better way to control a mind than to control its access to what it craves?

When too much sex is enjoyed by anyone, especially a whore, all sex becomes boring.
This type of tragedy must NOT be allowed to transpire, especially when a beloved whore, preferred pet, or promising sub is concerned.
Teach them the value of having to wait.
Teach their bodies the joy of delayed gratification.

The waiting and the restriction, when properly enforced alongside constant mental attention and engagement, will only whet their appetites and encourage greater obedience in the hope of receiving what they crave.

That constant mental engagement must be comprised of teasing.
Not generic teasing, not sporadic teasing, but focused and specifically tailored torture that will creep beneath the dura mater in the sub's mind and create a blanket of suggestion and titillation.

You have to care enough about your whore to make his mind your constant playground.

This is not a process to attempt by the novice Dominant or by someone who cannot commit a significant amount of attention to their submissive(s)/whore(s).

You will only succeed if you are adept at mind control and providing constant stimulation.

This does not mean you, personally, have to send them five million texts a day or be next to them, whispering in their ear or touching them.
Far from it.
You can do the obvious and put them in a chastity device.
They will feel the cage around them, all day, and fight with the feeling of arousal and inability to become erect.
You can enforce your will and make sure they are never without stimulation with daily assignments, stipulating the wearing of specific undergarments, or even piercing your pet to provide a constant sensory reminder that they are owned.

Hell, go for the gusto and have them wear lace panties over a newly pierced frenum.
I can tell you, it works like a charm: my favorite personal pet is never free of the constant feel of precum in his lacey boxer briefs.

Remember: creativity and consistency are key.
Make chastity the sexual and sensual experience it is meant to be, and your whore will be trained to perform at peak levels.
And they will love you, for it.

"Do You view Forced Male Chastity as an effective FemDom tool?"

"I hope I am not bothering YOU with questions but i wanted to get YOUR view of something that i think will be interesting to all YOUR blog followers.
How do YOU see forced male chastity and is it [an] effective tool for male submission?"

Men are notoriously ruled by their sexual desires, both overt and repressed, and by their inherently manic sex drives.
Chastity teaches men their place by controlling what drives them: their cocks.

There is an overabundance of men who think only with their genitals, thus allowing that mindset to direct their interaction with me:
"Hey sexy, you should spank me."
"Hey cutie, can I lick your boots while you step on my dick?"
"You'd look amazing standing over me while I stroke my cock. Can I worship your sexy body?"

 These demands/requests are banal, pathetic, and in no way arouse my interest to respond.
Rather, they cause me to become icily brutal in my denial of services.

 Forced male chastity affords exquisitely present and constant control over men who must learn the respect necessary to interact with a Dominant Female, and, really, any Female.
They must learn that to be in my service, to be actively seeking my Domination, means to not touch, play with, or please themselves unless expressly told to do so.

They must learn, through chastity, that their pleasure and release now depends solely on their obedience to my will.

To answer your question, yes: forced chastity is a highly effective tool in teaching all men that their cocks must be put at the end of the priority list.
 Cocks will be put in a cage, if necessary, in order for subs to think with their minds and, ultimately, give those minds over to my will.

 For seasoned submissives, I believe routine periods of chastity serve as highly effective reminders that they must not be lax in obedience, nor indulgent in their own pleasure.

 It is my will that must be obeyed.
 It is my determination of pleasure and pain to which they must adhere.