Training Heath: Teasing, Sensory Play, Sadism, and Deprivation

We all know what it means to tease and be teased.

It's foreplay, of the best sort. 

It revs the engines, signaling the body to prepare itself for pleasure, pain, and (if it's lucky) orgasm.

It puts us on edge, and makes every sensation seem that much more intense, from biting to licking to flogging - every touch, stroke, and lash is heightened in our mind's perception.

Teasing is essential when beginning the training of a male pet, and, really, a pet of any gender. 

For Heath, in particular, sending him images throughout the workday, leaving notes by the bathroom mirror, and generally creating an environment of sexual saturation in day-to-day activities keeps him on the edge of his proverbial seat and rock hard in his literal panties. 

However, teasing is never (and should never be) the goal. 

It must be used as an effective tool to train, teach, own, envelope, and entrance. 

Teasing shouldn't last for weeks - there must be some sort of release at the beginning. 

Leave the long-term chastity fantasies on the back burner, if you're just beginning with a new sub. 

Yes, the idea of keeping him from orgasm for months on end may seem fantastic, but it is neither prudent nor realistic to try and enforce such strictures from Day One.

We, as Dominant Women, must use our natural abilities to teach, lead, and control to mold our new and/or inexperienced pets into the ideal submissives that We (and they!) desire them to be.

In training my pet, Heath, I knew that I would need to start slowly, sensually, and with a great deal of sensory-based play (ranging from the gentle to the brutal). Each new experience needed to be introduced with great care.
I knew that psychological Domination must be at the fore - the whys and hows and what ifs would need to be engrained in him from the outset, both through outright instruction AND subliminal/hypnotic vocal techniques during sessions.

To the left you can see the first set of tools I used in his first training session, all obtained from, and made by, The Stockroom: mini flogger, Wartenberg wheel, leather mini slapper, and leather blindfold lined in lambs wool. All four items provide a sensory experience, ranging from biting to tickling to deprivation. Each afforded my pet an introduction to accepting sensation on its own merits, accepting Domination, and submitting to the enjoyment of receiving without "returning any favors."

For Heath, the act of simply accepting the gift of sensation, pain, and pleasure is quite a jump from normalcy to the unknown. He had to wrap his mind around the fact that I, his Dominant, LOVE sessioning with him, and that it is for my own enjoyment.

Once he understood that my sadistic mind got IMMENSE pleasure from spanking, flogging, biting, scratching, and teasing him, he was able to truly enjoy being the object of all that attention without feeling guilty.

In this picture, you can see the set up for his first OTK play with an implement, the slapper. I gave him my mirror to hold whilst being spanked so that he could see me, and, more importantly, see how much I was enjoying myself. This technique of visual reassurance is invaluable for the novice submissive being introduced to pain, and submission, in general.

However, as important as it was for him to have the ability to see me during spanking, sight is often the sense that gets in the way of a submissive's enjoyment. All too often they can lose their buzz by looking around, looking at themselves, and (potentially) becoming self conscious.
For men, especially, being visually distracted by the appearance of the Domme can override the intensely enjoyable physical sensations being delivered.

To enhance all other senses, simply remove sight from the equation. This leather blindfold fits very snugly, but also with total comfort. It allowed Heath to let go and feel EVERYTHING with total focus on the sensations being delivered to his body rather than focusing on me, my face, or anything else in the scene.

Another excellent aspect of sight deprivation is Surprise. Heath never knew what sensation was coming next. The wheel? Teeth? My hands? The flogger? Keeping him on edge kept him rock hard and leaking!

Stay tuned for next week's installment: Paddles, Canes, and Marking!

Ask-a-Domme : Why do people like pain?

"Why do you people like pain? If I stub my toe during sex, I totally lose my flow!"

Ok. Let's start with the basics.

Your pain from stubbing your toe is incidental/accidental pain, and the act of stubbing it was not a conscious or premeditated act. It was an accident, it was unplanned. The pain in your foot is nothing you would ever consider sexy, for you or your partner. I think I can say with certainty that you do not become aroused at the thought of stubbing your toe/someone causing you to stub your toe or someone else stubbing their toe.

Pain, in a Kink/BDSM setting is intentional. It is choreographed. It is a known factor, when it is included in play. Pain is tempered with pleasure, because it brings pleasure.

I often find that the term pain is misleading because it is so purely negative in vanilla conversation. Let us say, rather, that pain is more accurately defined as this:

The elongation, prolongation, reinvention, and intensification of pleasurable stimulation that, when used effectively, allows a fulcrum between the extremes of subspace and total awareness.

"But, seriously, why do people like it?"

Ok. Let's get past basics.
Plainly stated, people like extremes. We like huge cocks, giant boobs, triple cheeseburgers, all-you-can-eat buffets...I could go on. But we like lots of what we love. And we love sensations.

Possible analogies: The pain from a Wartenberg wheel is amped up tickling. The pain from a spanking is a ramped up pat on the ass. The pain from suction is a hickey on steroids.
I think you see where this is going.

Pain comes in every intensity level imaginable, and it serves as a way to stay in the moment. Pain brings focus when  used swiftly and sharply between sex acts. It's like sorbet between courses - it cleanses the palette.
It can also be the main course. Pain can turn into pleasure as the body and mind begin to reinterpret repeated blows as foreplay or as the flesh becomes numb and only the pressure is left without the sting; pain becomes titillation as the nipples are always clamped directly before stimulation of the vagina/anus.
Pain can be craved as punishment in Mommy/Daddy play, schoolgirl/boy play, or any number of such roleplay lifestyles/scenes. It's the release, the endorphin/serotonin rush afterwards that provides the sexual pleasure following a psychological purge.

Stubbing your toe isn't fun - but I think you'll agree that biting, sucking, tickling, and a bit of slapping can feel amazing when done in a safe, sane, and consensual environment.

"What's the point of being Dominated?"

"What's the point of a BDSM session? If I told someone that I was paying a woman to come to my house, kick me in the balls and then slap me before shoving things in my ass, I can't even imagine what they would say to me."

First of all, this cannot be boiled down to a simple goods-for-cash dynamic.
Yes, I am getting paid.
Yes, you are the one paying me.
But I am not a convenience store with product on the shelves, ready for consumption.
We must communicate.
You must be willing to bare your needs, desires, fetishes, and whole sexual self to me, in order for me to give you the EXPERIENCE you desire.

You're paying me to give you the sensory and mental input you crave, in a stylized manner that allows you to give up the constant drive to control and withdraw.

You're paying me to get what you want, the way you want it, in a safe and secure setting, without any fear or shame.

Reducing what you want to the lowest common denominator ("come to my house, kick me in the balls, slap me before shoving things in my ass") feeds a perceived "wrongness" of it.

What I do is not wrong, but it is taboo, and it is not for the faint of heart.
There will be consensual pain, but it is a portal - it allows you to let go of the other types of pain that plague you.

The concept of "how much can you know about yourself, if you've never been in a fight" applies here, as well: how much can you know about yourself until you let go, and give up control to me?

 Asking "what's the point" of a session is like asking "what's the point of sex, for pleasure?" - the point is the emotional, physical, sensory, and mental input.

The point is experiencing pleasure on your own terms, in the way you most desire to feel pleasure.