Ask-a-Domme: "How can you be a ProDomme if you've ever been a submissive?!"

"[I find it hard to understand how a Domme can feel secure in her Dominance when she has, in the past, been in a submissive position. Can you explain how you justify this, to those with whom you interact on a professional level?]"
(This question was, shall we say, originally worded in a far less tactful/grammatically correct manner. Hence, the full [ ] treatment.)

Yes. Yes, I can explain.

As with any other profession, I didn't start at the top of the food chain with all knowledge, skill, and understanding in tact. I did not wake up one morning blessed with immediate insight into how one goes about owning the mind and/or body of a submissive, nor did I inherently know how to utilize many and various implements.

I did, admittedly, come from a place of basic understanding of a submissive's need because a part of me also has those needs.

I believe, as on the Kinsey scale of sexuality, we are all along a scale of both Dominance and submission. I am, in majority, Dominant. That is a fact. I enjoy control and I enjoy leading and teaching. However, there is a part of me that is submissive. Upon first entering the scene, I believe all those who are truly curious and want to understand their desires begin as submissive (to some degree), and seek out a Dom who will teach them the ropes (pun intended).

I started as a submissive because I needed to learn how to express my Dominant tendencies before knowing any of the terminology of either mindset. I just was a sexual being needing to understand some new, strange, and intense urges. You cannot, ethically, Dominate another person when you do not understand Domination on a mental and physical level. You don't put the lash to someone's back unless you know what it feels like, nor do you use clamps, restraints, sensory toys, or anything else, unless you know exactly what they cause, physically and emotionally.

I am open about my learning as a submissive because, in the professional world, you MUST present credentials. I have a Master's and two Bachelor's degrees, all three of which I cite whenever filling out an application in the vanilla world. I would not be taken seriously or considered as a viable option for employment at the highest levels unless I had been educated and taught by those who have been in their respective fields for much longer than I.

I count myself privileged. 
I had the great honor to be taught by a man who had been in the field of Domination and Kink for an extensive period of time; a man who treasured safety and sanity alongside pleasure and mutual understanding. He, also, learned from a Dominant as a submissive. It is the natural way. In clinical terms, it is best practice.

It is because of the great gifts he gave me that I am determined to share those gifts with others, and do so professionally so that my time can be devoted to such endeavors without the distraction of other work responsibilities.

Communication: The Great Common Denominator

Communication means being willing to speak difficult truths.

It means putting honesty and transparency above comfort.

Communication means speaking your total truth, but also being prepared to hear the truth of your partner(s).

In a D/s, PE, or TPE relationship where control is at a premium, a couple cannot survive unless transparent communication is at the heart of the relationship.

If we look openly and honestly at all relationships, it's clear that communication is the single factor that can make or break even the most solid of romantic foundations.

It's not just the BDSM/Kink community that needs to keep communication at the fore: it's every couple, every poly arrangement, every single human being that wants to get what they need and provide their loved one(s) the same service.

If you do not ask, you cannot know.
If you do wish to know, you must ask.