Hostility Has No Place, Here

I always read my email, first thing, on mornings where I and the pet are afforded the luxury of sleeping in. It is usually an activity that inspires many smiles, a few new musings, and at least one good laugh.

This morning, however, I was greeted by a comment on one of my blog postings.
It read, simply, "I hope you get lung cancer."

My immediate reaction was to delete this comment. It not only is negative, poisonously negative in fact, but it serves no purpose nor is it relevant to the discussion of the post.

However, the more I think on this, the more I realize that this type of behavior, the emotional lashing-out, goes far too far far too frequently, especially in sexually charged settings, such as my blog.

When a woman is comfortably and confidently overt in her sexuality, it does NOT give you permission to be a D-bag. You do not have permission to bombard her with either advances or moral chastisement, or a finely-blended neurotic buffet of anger/judgement/envy/hatred.

So many men, and a few women, have felt the utmost freedom to use harrassing, negative, aggressive, violent, and sometimes murderous speech when contacting/reacting to me and my writing, or in personal missives following what they perceive to be a lack of proper interaction.

It is stunning to me that the rules of social engagement do not apply in the minds of those who are online. It is not surprising, as we (humans) tend to feel far more free to be negative when we are hiding behind the ever-comfortable veil of anonymity. But it is still stunning.

No, it is not socially acceptable to be instantly sexual when contacting ANY woman or man.

No, you are not entitled to my time, attention, or services simply because you dropped a "Nice tits!" or somesuch phrase on a picture that is posted in one of my public profiles.

No, your anger and misplaced sexual repression-induced bile does not belong in my inbox after I politely and firmly set boundaries for communication.

The people behind the words and images, online, are real people.
I am a woman, Domme, wife, mother, worker, writer, and a myriad of other things.
I am not a dumping ground for your emotional toxic waste, and neither is any other person.

I encourage thoughtful comments on the blog, especially those that have a differing opinion to my own. We cannot grow, mentally or sexually, without the challenge and open dialogue of many and varied vantage points.

But, we must move forward in a respectful and positive manner.

I encourage everyone to recalibrate their online communication tactics.

Remember that you are, in fact, communicating with actual human beings.

Show respect for yourselves and those with whom you interact.

Your life, and your mindset, will be more positive.

On Varied Love: An Open Letter to My pet/Husband, on Polyamory

My darling pet, my devoted husband, my best friend, and the father of our beautiful child,

I love you more than I thought it would be possible to love another human being.
You have given me a life, a family, and a home that, without you, would not have been possible.
You teach me, every day, what it means to be a Partner.
You help me, every day, to be the best Domme I can possibly be.

 Because I love you, and because you have given me such varied gifts of love, I believe it is right and salutary that I present this letter, to you, in a way that shares my messages of love for you, and revelation within myself, in a public venue.

I need you to understand what it means when I talk about polyamory.

Polyamory is not based in greed, dissatisfaction, or narcissism.
It is based in the personal and interpersonal knowledge that Love can exist between more than two people and still be True.

 (I have been trying to find an accurate way to express this for over a decade. Being able to finally do so, in a moment of writer's clarity, is one of the great reliefs of my life.)

After ten years, ten long years of trying to figure out what in thunderfuck my brain needed in order to feel whole and complete and sane and at peace, I am finally comfortable saying, "Yes, I am poly."

Yes, I want to enjoy the bodies, minds, and junk of other people.
Yes, I want to lap at a woman's cunt until she loses her mind.
Yes, I want to feel the security of submitting to a man who knows his way around a flogger and the female mind, from a sensually sadistic standpoint.

It's not easy to make these statements, nor are they statements that I make lightly.

I realize that making these statements, and doing so in a public manner, may have intense repercussions in my own home and with you, my own devoted partner.

I also realize that, in order to be the best Domme, wife, and partner possible, all cards must be on the table.
All truth must be transparent and accessible.

 Is this terrifying?
 Yep.
I'm scared-near-shitless to be speaking my truth.

 But, the Truth has a funny way of making itself heard, and of leaving Peace in its wake.

 Here's to Love, and to being honest with those to whom we give it.

 Yours,
 Beatrice


Post Scripts, from Me to him: 

- No amount of play with another person will ever cause me to stop loving you, or to love you in a different manner. You are my Primary, my Heart, and my Husband.

- I did not tell you what was in my head in order to change you.
I did it for myself.
I did it in order to be honest.
I did it in order to follow the same expectations I have set down, for you.
 Honesty.
Transparency.
Clear statements of desires.
Saying things that i'm scared to say, but doing it anyway, because it's the right thing to do.
Keeping nothing a secret.
Keeping you informed of what is happening in my head, no matter how scary I think it might be, both to tell you and for you to hear.

I will never stop telling you the truth.
I will never stop listening to the truth you tell, to me.