The Philosophical Domme: Love

Showing posts with label Love. Show all posts

Friday, November 29, 2013

Impossible is an Opinion

Take it from someone who used to bandy about the word "Impossible."
I'll never find a long-term pet/partner - it's impossible to find a person who will love me.
I'll never be happy - it's impossible to feel whole and secure.
I'll never have a family of my own - it's impossible to be ready to be a mother.
I'll never be able to be my whole self - it's impossible to do that, safely.

Guess what?

That was all an opinion.
None of it was factual.
None of it.

For a very long time, I accepted the world as a small minded individual.
I lived in the world I'd been given, rather than looking beyond it, seeing the possibilities, and making a world, for myself.

Once I looked at my own power, I realized just how fucking powerful I can be.
I can challenge.
I can Dominate.
I can change.
I can help.
I can heal.
I can give.
I can trust.
I can create.

I can love.

Coming to these realizations, and acting on them, came at a high price: the whole of my doubt, fear, and insecurity.

Pay up.
Move on.

Take the dare.

Never let your own mind overthrow your drive to give love.
Never, ever, allow your insecurities to keep you from the ones who love you, in return.

Monday, November 18, 2013

Sometimes, a Domme needs a Wake-up call from Her submissive (A Treatise on Trust)

Let's take a moment to discuss lifestyle submission.
Not once-a-week session submission (which, if that's your thing, more power to you), but the type of submission that occurs between two people who have chosen each other as partners in and out of the bedroom.

Lifestyle submission requires far more than sexual attraction, consent, a fancy set of whips, and two minds that get off on power exchange.
It requires trust.
Boatloads of trust - from both parties.

Trust is a huge barrier for many Dominants. We become so focused on controlling situations, giving control to those who ask for it, and maintaining control over our own demons that we forget or hide from the fact that we MUST put faith and trust in those who are worthy of it.

During this week, my pet and I have faced the challenge of my post-op recovery. Anyone who knows me will attest to my poor behavior, as a patient. I will try to do too much, I will resist care, and I will become angry when I'm called out on my lack of adherence to Dr's orders.

My pet diligently and unwaveringly has called me out, and shown me sense.
And guess what?
He did that in the true spirit of a submissive - he acted as my protector.
He trusted himself, and he trusted his own abilities, even when I refused to do so.

He protected me from my own inappropriate behavior.
He was respectful, but honest, when telling me I was not doing what was best for my health.
He told me, point blank, that my behavior was hurting me and hurting him.

He has put his life in my hands, physically, mentally, sexually, and emotionally. He pointed out that I need to entrust my health to him and put my care into his hands.

Allowing our submissives to care for us is not weakness.
It is not submission.
It is not an abandonment of our posts.

We must remember to put the same trust in our beloved pets as they have put in us.

Monday, November 11, 2013

Outing in the BDSM Scene (A Story with a Rude Beginning and a Happy Ending)

A foolish, insecure (and, clearly, boring) individual, with whom My pet/husband used to work, came upon My pet's Kink-centric Twitter account on Friday. After following the account, perusing the content, and then unfollowing the account, this person decided to walk around the company at which My pet used to work and show the pictures and content of the account to anyone who took the time to pay him any attention.

One of the people to whom this picture was shown was My pet's ex-gf, the one who immediately preceded me, in fact.

She contacted My pet, via text, and, in doing so, accomplished something truly helpful in notifying him that his private life was being made public, without his knowledge or consent.

(Yes, I realize that material put on social media sites, even under aliases, will most likely filter down to Vanilla life. It's the nature of the beast. However, no one deserves to be outed.)

Needless to say, it gave My pet quite the shock.

He became terrified that he would lose friends, the respect of his colleagues, and the love of his family, should this information spread further than the offices at his former place of employment.

To top it all off, he received this information directly before getting on the second of two flights during his return trip home; he'd be out of communication with Me for at least two hours during which his brain would have time to chase its tail, mercilessly.

Thankfully, I was able to call him as he sat on the plane, directly before take-off.

I reminded him of this: if anyone, anyone at all, ever tries to touch him or hurt him in a negative way, they will be buried, swiftly and surely, by Me.

(Not to mention that if anyone ever was foolish enough to slander my husband, or go so far as to take it to the level of libel, they would find themselves sued faster than they could blink.)

The truth is, our Kinks are only as wrong/dirty/unacceptable as WE believe them to be.

If anyone, anyone at all, attempts to tell you that what you like, love, engage in, or choose as a lifestyle is wrong, then do as RDJ does:

Back to my darling husband/pet.

When I received word that his plane had landed, I went to the airport to pick him up, with our 5-month old smiling and strapped into his car-seat, ready to see his Daddy.

Joy was all around, as was reassurance. Hugs, kisses, happy tears, and all-around-bliss permeated our tiny little corner of the universe. We got on the road, we listened to the early-but-appreciated Christmas music on the radio. We dropped off the young spud, with My pet's mother, and then went to see Seinfeld at Shea's. I'd never seen his stand-up act, and we were both excited for what promised to be a fun and stress-reducing evening. What my pet/Husband didn't know, is this: I'd received two packages in the mail, directly before coming to the airport. One contained his day-collar. The other contained its FemDom counterpart.

It's rare that a husband and wife both know what it's like to propose And yes, we both know what it's like, and here's why: we both knew the other would say yes when we popped our respective questions. We both were, still, incredibly nervous. I proposed to him over two flutes of prosecco. I asked my husband to be Mine - to wear My collar and to come under My protection - for all time. Just like my husband heard me say it, one year ago, I got to hear him say, "Yes." Cheers, all. Here's to happiness, in whatever form it takes, for you.

Wednesday, November 6, 2013

On Varied Love: An Open Letter to My pet/Husband, on Polyamory

My darling pet, my devoted husband, my best friend, and the father of our beautiful child,

I love you more than I thought it would be possible to love another human being.
You have given me a life, a family, and a home that, without you, would not have been possible.
You teach me, every day, what it means to be a Partner.
You help me, every day, to be the best Domme I can possibly be.

Because I love you, and because you have given me such varied gifts of love, I believe it is right and salutary that I present this letter, to you, in a way that shares my messages of love for you, and revelation within myself, in a public venue.

I need you to understand what it means when I talk about polyamory.

Polyamory is not based in greed, dissatisfaction, or narcissism.
It is based in the personal and interpersonal knowledge that Love can exist between more than two people and still be True.

(I have been trying to find an accurate way to express this for over a decade. Being able to finally do so, in a moment of writer's clarity, is one of the great reliefs of my life.)

After ten years, ten long years of trying to figure out what in thunderfuck my brain needed in order to feel whole and complete and sane and at peace, I am finally comfortable saying, "Yes, I am poly."

Yes, I want to enjoy the bodies, minds, and junk of other people.
Yes, I want to lap at a woman's cunt until she loses her mind.
Yes, I want to feel the security of submitting to a man who knows his way around a flogger and the female mind, from a sensually sadistic standpoint.

It's not easy to make these statements, nor are they statements that I make lightly.

I realize that making these statements, and doing so in a public manner, may have intense repercussions in my own home and with you, my own devoted partner.

I also realize that, in order to be the best Domme, wife, and partner possible, all cards must be on the table.
All truth must be transparent and accessible.

Is this terrifying?
Yep.
I'm scared-near-shitless to be speaking my truth.

But, the Truth has a funny way of making itself heard, and of leaving Peace in its wake.

Here's to Love, and to being honest with those to whom we give it.

Yours,
Beatrice

Post Scripts, from Me to him:

- No amount of play with another person will ever cause me to stop loving you, or to love you in a different manner. You are my Primary, my Heart, and my Husband.

- I did not tell you what was in my head in order to change you.
I did it for myself.
I did it in order to be honest.
I did it in order to follow the same expectations I have set down, for you.
Honesty.
Transparency.
Clear statements of desires.
Saying things that i'm scared to say, but doing it anyway, because it's the right thing to do.
Keeping nothing a secret.
Keeping you informed of what is happening in my head, no matter how scary I think it might be, both to tell you and for you to hear.

I will never stop telling you the truth.
I will never stop listening to the truth you tell, to me.