Online Domination - What makes it work?

Domination that is distance or online regulated is a highly intellectual experience and, therefore, requires not only imagination but also creativity and problem solving in order to maintain excitement between partners.

The cornerstone of this relationship is mental attraction, with each partner taking on the responsibility of mentally stimulating and motivating the other. Typically, it must be two evenly matched individuals to ensure that long distance D/s play succeeds - boredom is the enemy that can only be kept at bay by constant invention.

When partners are mismatched (for example, the sub having little exposure to mental play or the Dom having less experience than the sub) it can be taxing to maintain the freshness of interaction or the pace at which the relationship can grow. When a pair is evenly matched in both expectation and dedication to interaction, there is fertile ground for a growing and rewarding relationship.

 As with any D/s interaction, there is a process through which the ability to interact over great distances or online are proven. There must be proven worth, from the submissive especially, showing that s/he is capable of adhering to commands without physical check ins or inspections. Honesty is paramount in both sides of this equation, and time dedicated to interaction must be rationed until a deeper level of commitment has been deemed appropriate.

It's in this beginning phase where a D/s dynamic is tested for the mental aptitude that will be necessary to keep up the sexual momentum of those first heated textual exchanges that so often begin online interaction.

 I took the time to ask one of my online submissives to tell me about his take on online submission (with an emphasis on chastity), and the following are my questions and his answers. Enjoy!


For how long have you engaged with a Dominant Woman online?

Well, we met online over 2 years ago, but I only started submitting properly 18 months ago. This was my first and, like all relationships, it can take a while to recognise absolute compatibility. With something as serious as chastity, neither of us wanted to jump into something that didn't have any future or potential.

 What drew you to such an interaction?

Mutual interests, first and foremost. We started to chat online about domination, BDSM, D/s relationships and such like initially. Then, once we started to delve a little deeper into our fantasies and interests, it was clear that we shared many of them. It was so refreshing to hear someone else describe their desires almost as if they could read your mind.

What makes chastity erotic? 

That's a tough question! I find it very ironic. The fact that someone denying my erections and my orgasms arouses me never ceases to make me smile. Part of it, certainly, is the control. Having any aspect of your life controlled by another is, to someone submissive, wonderful. If it's of a sexual nature then it's even better. For me, having the most sexual part of my body controlled is simply fantastic. Being erect and achieving orgasm are both such amazing feelings that having them controlled is an immense turn on. It makes them so very special when they do happen. Mentally, I notice a change too. After a couple of weeks there's an increased sexual arousal that I only have when denied. I love it.

What is pleasurable about another person controlling your ability to become hard? Your ability to have an orgasm? 

That's the submissive part of me that enjoys those aspects of it. I love being controlled and being controlled sexually is an unbelievable high. Physically I may be restrained, but mentally I'm more turned on than ever whenever I'm told I'm not allowed to get hard or not allowed to cum.

Are you always honest with your Dominant?

I try to be. At first, it was difficult when we talked about subjects and turn ons that I was, initially, embarrassed about. Once I realised that there was no need for shame, it became a lot easier. Nowadays, we both try to be as honest as we can with each other. Of course, we still have bad days and there are times when I have had enough and just want to break the lock, remove the device and make myself cum. I try to be honest about those feelings, we discuss them and then move forward.

What makes it easier/harder to talk online?

I think it's easier to find a compatible person online as you can speak honestly about subjects that are usually considered taboo and not be afraid. You can become a member of a specific niche erotic group from the comfort of your own living room and meet likeminded people. Once you've met, it doesn't matter if you chat online or in person as you know the other's interests and need not be afraid to talk about your desires. AlthoughI think, for me, it will always be a little easier online.

Are you more or less open online than you are in person?

More, for sure. It's easier to be honest behind a computer, for me anyway. Certainly initially, when you have nothing to lose. You can have an online identity and keep your personal life a secret until you have built up enough trust.

Have your desires evolved since you began being Dominated?

Definitely! When I started I was interested in chastity, orgasm control and anal play. Since meeting, we have discovered that I'm very much turned on by other things that were deeper inside me. Things I didn't realise or know about. Cuckolding, for example. I'd love to be there whilst my Madame is intimate with another. We have also discussed activities that, not too long ago, I would never have even entertained. Things like forced bi. I could be told to drop to my knees and perform oral sex on my Madame's partner whilst they kiss. Before we met online, I would never have even entertained such a thought. We've talked about this when we meet. I must admit I am very, very nervous about having my first sexual experience with another man, but I would never have even talked about it a while ago. We've discussed cuckolding and forced bi for when we meet. She'll be with her man who has a frighteningly large, pierced penis and how she'd enjoy watching me suck my first cock. I'd then be tied to the bed face up and she'd lie on top of me in a 69 position so I could pleasure her with my mouth as her man slide in and out. We've also talked about other things, like public displays of affection. One of the things I'm most looking forward to is meeting her for the first time, bowing down and delicately kissing her feet. My desires have also become grounded, since being dominated. For example, as much as I'd enjoy it, I know I will never be allowed inside her. The most I can hope for is to be there whilst someone else pleasures her in that way. I also know that the strict orgasm control will continue. As much as I may fantasise about being stroked and edged every day, the reality is that I may be granted an orgasm (if I'm lucky) and it may or may not be her giving it to me. She may just permit me to jack off quickly in front of her, which would still be wonderful.

What has contributed to this evolution? Your Madame? Your self? 

I think both of us, but it's more her recognising things in me that I didn't know myself. She could see how submissive I was before I even knew it myself. She could tell things about me, traits she recognised through experience, that have come true. It's been eye opening, for me.

BDSM Education of the Vanilla World - A Call For Change

Kink – such a small, simple word – is the blanket term we give to creative sexual expression. Kink is the permission we give ourselves to explore what it is that turns us on, and the way in which we can most fully experience the bodies and minds of others in a sexual context.

A great segment of the Vanilla world lives in a repressed and sexually stigmatized reality, a reality in which looking outside the sexual norm means people will be ostracized, excluded, and derided by the majority. For so many, it is this slavery to the perceived cultural majority that keeps them from taking the time to understand themselves. This is the barrier that stands in the way of so much of the Western world: the barrier of perceived “normalcy” and mental slavery to the group before the self.

In a time where the headlines are rife with cases of domestic sexual abuse, female genital mutilation, sex trafficking, and endless other examples of repressed sexuality turning into violence against humanity, it is the responsibility of the Kinky Community to educate others on the myriad avenues of sexual expression available through Kink and BDSM.  It is our responsibility to share our stories of self-awareness, self-exploration, and finding communities in which we are allowed to mentally and sexually thrive.

We see horrifying examples like the Duggar family, in which a cult of reproduction reduces women to vessels and controls female and male sexual pleasure, negating freedom and exploration through shame and proprietary mandates.  We know that sexual repression results in sexual violence, abuse, rape, personal shame, stifled growth of self awareness, and deep rooted fear of sexuality and our own bodies. This invasive and frightening “family value” of owning female sexuality and female bodies cannot be allowed to continue to permeate the national psyche, and it needs an antidote.

I propose that we can be that antidote. Through teaching, through starting conversations in bars, through women teaching women (and men) about the Kinky way – the way of exploration and awareness – we can counteract the typical American majority of repression.

How many women and men forgo seeking out true sexual fulfillment because they are worried about how they will be perceived? How many persons of every gender remain trapped in monotonous sexual routines (or lack of sexual interaction) because they believe it is better to stay “safe” than to find what they truly desire?

If we are to be ambassadors of Kink and BDSM, if we are to stand outside of the closet and speak with a sexually positive voice, then we must reach out to both the new members of our community and those outside of the community who question their ability to stretch the boundaries of their experience. We must promote self-awareness, on sexual and platonic levels. We must strive to uphold transparency, critical awareness of our own prejudices, and the desire to lead by an example of open dialogue amongst our own community and the Vanilla world that so often looks in but is afraid to join in.

Why Submission is Sexy

I adore using my pet like the delightfully willing and submissive boy that he is.
I revel in the fact that I have the privilege of using him in any way I wish.
I get off on the fact that my will is what dictates whether or not he gets to cum.

But, if I'm going to be perfectly frank, I also love knowing that he's submitting to me.

He's under my control.
He's under my protection.
He's just plain under me, most of the time, looking up and begging for more of what I, and only I, give him:
The ability to let go.

Submission is so damn sexy because it's what allows people to let go - and what gives other people (Dominants, I'm talking to you) the chance to get their fingers into another person's grey matter.

Submitting to me means that I get to roam around in your brain and then start using your mind to unravel your body.

Submitting to me means that I get to taste, touch, fuck, push, use, expand, overwhelm, and understand you.

Submitting to me means that I get to get down to the nitty-gritty, ever so hidden, darkest bits of your mind and run around with a flashlight.

Submitting to me means that I get to expose, excavate, and help you express all of the things you never thought were "acceptable" to want, say, do, or discuss.

Submission is sexy because it creates a safe space in which the craziest shit can happen.

Submission is sexy because it gives you permission to be whatever the fuck you want, and not be judged by me when I make/help you do anything we have the mental/physical capacity to enact.

Here's to the submissives, and their endlessly glorious mines of potential.

Orgasms are Beautiful

Yes, this is Me.

Yes, this was created form images taken immediately before, during, and after an earth-shattering orgasm.

Orgasms are Beautiful.

Whore Enhancement through Chastity

I can think of no better way to control and enhance a whore and his/her natural disposition than to put him/her in chastity.

Consider the nature of a whore: sexual, needful, lustful, ever eager for more cock, more attention, and more input.
What better way to control a mind than to control its access to what it craves?

When too much sex is enjoyed by anyone, especially a whore, all sex becomes boring.
This type of tragedy must NOT be allowed to transpire, especially when a beloved whore, preferred pet, or promising sub is concerned.
Teach them the value of having to wait.
Teach their bodies the joy of delayed gratification.

The waiting and the restriction, when properly enforced alongside constant mental attention and engagement, will only whet their appetites and encourage greater obedience in the hope of receiving what they crave.

That constant mental engagement must be comprised of teasing.
Not generic teasing, not sporadic teasing, but focused and specifically tailored torture that will creep beneath the dura mater in the sub's mind and create a blanket of suggestion and titillation.

You have to care enough about your whore to make his mind your constant playground.

This is not a process to attempt by the novice Dominant or by someone who cannot commit a significant amount of attention to their submissive(s)/whore(s).

You will only succeed if you are adept at mind control and providing constant stimulation.

This does not mean you, personally, have to send them five million texts a day or be next to them, whispering in their ear or touching them.
Far from it.
You can do the obvious and put them in a chastity device.
They will feel the cage around them, all day, and fight with the feeling of arousal and inability to become erect.
You can enforce your will and make sure they are never without stimulation with daily assignments, stipulating the wearing of specific undergarments, or even piercing your pet to provide a constant sensory reminder that they are owned.

Hell, go for the gusto and have them wear lace panties over a newly pierced frenum.
I can tell you, it works like a charm: my favorite personal pet is never free of the constant feel of precum in his lacey boxer briefs.

Remember: creativity and consistency are key.
Make chastity the sexual and sensual experience it is meant to be, and your whore will be trained to perform at peak levels.
And they will love you, for it.

"Darling, I love you - now fuck this cock." (Whores = Happiness)

Let's talk about what it means to be a whore.

It's a lot to talk about, yes.
It's only Monday.

Game on.

This morning, my beautiful pet woke up hard as a rock in his lace boxer-briefs.
He knows better than to start humping my leg, but feeling the electricity in his body was enough to banish sleep from my brain almost immediately and convey his need.

I mean, throbbing, aching, absolutely gut wrenching need.

I dig that.

So, I did what any Goddess would do - I teased him mercilessly.
I told him how happy it makes me when he's writhing next to me.
I told him what a whore he is.

Let's take a breather, and discuss that term. 
"Whore."

In my world, it's a massive compliment.

It means you want, without limit.
You want more, much, many, all.
You want and need cock, regardless of gender or if it's a strapon or attached to a warm body.

You want to be used, and you want to be the center of attention.
You want to be filled and tasted and touched and fucked and feel totally safe while doing all of it.

You want to be accepted as you are - needful, hungry, wanton, permeable, beautiful, and sexual

Back to my pet, this morning.

My pet is learning to love his whorish nature.
It makes me so proud to watch him embrace his own lust and need when I'm working him over.

As of this past Saturday he's been trained up to take my rubber cock in his ass.
I love the way he so clearly needs to be filled.
He begged for my strapon, again, this morning.
He confessed that need, overtly.
I gave him the words, and he repeated them:

"I am a whore. I need to be filled by cock.
I love being filled by cock.
I want as much cock as my Goddess will give me."

I have never been more pleased with a submissive.
Ever.

Watching him writhe, pulling his legs back, biting his lips, and generally giving in to being a total and complete slut for my strapon: all of it was beautiful.
But the BEST part, the part that definitely got me thoroughly turned on, was hearing him ask for more and more cock.

I loved looking down at him and telling him that he would, someday, know what it was like to be fucked by ten, twelve, fourteen people in a row - some men, some women, whatever I wanted to see.
I was so proud when he smiled, shoved his ass down on the strapon, and said it all back.

He's a whore.
And he's proud of it.

I encourage that pride, because I instilled it.
I encourage his whorishness because, to me, being a whore is the most honest state of being, for a submissive.

Watching my pet give in to all the need that is inside of him was the perfect start to the week.

Verbal Stimulation - Using Your Words to Get Results

In working with more and more clients in this, my new city of Buffalo, I'm realizing just how widespread the disparity is between desire and the ability to articulate that desire.

Perhaps it is merely the disparity between desire and access to a safe space/person in and with whom to express that desire.

Either way, there's a lot of repression through which my clients are working.

And no, it's not a condition local to Buffalo.

It's certainly a behavior that I have previously encountered: subs who want, need, and crave Dominance but have no earthly idea how to ask for it or how to articulate the specifics of those desires.
I am, perhaps, simply so keenly aware of it, here, because it has been the common denominator amongst all of my clients, to date.

It is also the current, but slowly changing, condition of my sweetest pet and favorite personal sub.
Every day I'm learning just how painful but important it is to encourage and bear witness to the verbal expression, written or spoken, of his new and slightly unnerving journey toward self awareness.

That's what verbal interaction is all about, for both Dommes and the subs they love and the clients with whom they work: self awareness that leads to self fulfillment.

Physical pleasure is high on the list, and no one's denying it. I thrill every time I see my sweet pet or one of my clients absolutely lose themselves in sensation.
But the true high, the true ecstasy for me, comes from their understanding of those sensations and clear ability to ask for those sensations.

Am I on the cerebral end? You're damn right. Do I want to get inside the minds of every sub I encounter and lick their motor strip and processing centers until they cum? Double-damn right.

However, since lobotomy and cranial lingual stimulation are not recommended, I get to use my tongue in other ways - I get to use my words.

I get to describe, entice, tease, create, and titillate, all with the mere touch of my tongue to my teeth and hard palette.

I get to show my sweet favorite that I love him by telling him, outright, and by telling him what I love to do to him, his mind, and his body.

I get to encourage, praise, and correct with the softest direction and the most lustful demands.

I get to lead by example.

With every submissive, I strive to use my words in an effort to show them that they, too, can have exactly what they need through the simple act of asking.

Hell, you go ahead and beg, you beautiful submissives - you know I like that.

Articulate begging, and even barely-lucid begging, are hugely aphrodisiac in their effect.

But you have to start somewhere -
You have to start by talking, and by asking for what you want.

Believe me, your words will yield amazingly tailored and pleasurable results.

"What do you think of the word 'slut'?"

"What do you think of the word, 'slut,' Madame?"

Ok - this may be rant-worthy.
Get a beverage, relax, and prepare accordingly.

Let's start with an initial reaction:
I love the word slut.

I love the way it slides through my teeth, rolls off my tongue, and cracks off my hard palate.

Sssssss-llllll-uT.

It snaps a sub's head around, when uttered out of nowhere.
It makes men blush, when they hear it applied to them, for the first time, and then they blush even more deeply when they realize it's a compliment.
Slut.
It tastes good, it feels good, and it is visceral in its sound.
You cannot say it gently.
You cannot sugar coat it.
Slut.
It's a damn fine title, and a delicious way to tell a pet exactly how proud you are of their overt sexual need.

Now that I've gotten my excited self out of the way, let's look at this word in a different context.
Slut.
I've been called this, by an attacker.
Slut.
I've heard it said in disgusted whispers by women who wish they could let go of their Puritanical hang ups, but instead simply look down on those who have let go.
Slut.
I've heard dozens upon dozens of women tell me that an attacker/abuser used this word to demean her; used this word as justification for hurting her; used this word to label her as someone who deserved rape.

There's no denying it - in the vanilla world, in most of the world, this word is not used as a compliment.
It's used to keep sexual women, or anyone else who does not conform to strict notions of sexual propriety, in a tidy little four letter box of shame.

I say, fuck that.

Fuck. That. Noise.

I say, slut is a fantastic word that needs to be reworked, overhauled, and taken back.
I am, by no means, the first nor the last person to say this.

I'm not saying that women should parade about and happily proclaim that they are sluts, because, frankly, out of play, the word doesn't carry positive mojo.
We can't use what we don't yet own - so easy on wearing shirts that say slut to the club - it will probably not work in your favor.
Is this ok? No. You should be able to wear whatever you damn well please, but I'm living in the real world where wearing a shirt with SLUT printed across the boobs will garner you either multiple gropings or some serious shit talking, neither of which I would enjoy on a night out.
But hey, if you want to do it anyway, I salute your fortitude and hope you get out there and change some minds!

But back to the happy place of slut.
(Sssssssssssslut)

I can't help but imagine one of my clients, on all fours, drooling with a plug in his ass, shit-eating grin on his face, looking up at me and positively BEAMING when I call him a slut, and say it with a smile and a pat on the head.
He's earned that title.
He's earned it by allowing himself to ENJOY his sexuality.
He's earned it by not giving two tenths of a shit about what society may have to say, regarding his personal proclivities.

I think of a young woman who learned how to enjoy the word slut during sessions:
How she would blush at first when it was used, but then worked harder to earn the right to hear that title.
Who let go of her embarrassment, poor body image, and insecurities and LOVED HERSELF enough to get slutty, which really just means getting free.

In the end, Slut, to me, is a wonderful word because it means that the submissive has let go, entirely, and has asked, begged for, and enjoyed what they need, and done so without reservation.

Let us be proud of our submissive sluts - and let's never shame those who responsibly reach that level of freedom.

Ask-a-Domme: "How can you be a ProDomme if you've ever been a submissive?!"

"[I find it hard to understand how a Domme can feel secure in her Dominance when she has, in the past, been in a submissive position. Can you explain how you justify this, to those with whom you interact on a professional level?]"
(This question was, shall we say, originally worded in a far less tactful/grammatically correct manner. Hence, the full [ ] treatment.)

Yes. Yes, I can explain.

As with any other profession, I didn't start at the top of the food chain with all knowledge, skill, and understanding in tact. I did not wake up one morning blessed with immediate insight into how one goes about owning the mind and/or body of a submissive, nor did I inherently know how to utilize many and various implements.

I did, admittedly, come from a place of basic understanding of a submissive's need because a part of me also has those needs.

I believe, as on the Kinsey scale of sexuality, we are all along a scale of both Dominance and submission. I am, in majority, Dominant. That is a fact. I enjoy control and I enjoy leading and teaching. However, there is a part of me that is submissive. Upon first entering the scene, I believe all those who are truly curious and want to understand their desires begin as submissive (to some degree), and seek out a Dom who will teach them the ropes (pun intended).

I started as a submissive because I needed to learn how to express my Dominant tendencies before knowing any of the terminology of either mindset. I just was a sexual being needing to understand some new, strange, and intense urges. You cannot, ethically, Dominate another person when you do not understand Domination on a mental and physical level. You don't put the lash to someone's back unless you know what it feels like, nor do you use clamps, restraints, sensory toys, or anything else, unless you know exactly what they cause, physically and emotionally.

I am open about my learning as a submissive because, in the professional world, you MUST present credentials. I have a Master's and two Bachelor's degrees, all three of which I cite whenever filling out an application in the vanilla world. I would not be taken seriously or considered as a viable option for employment at the highest levels unless I had been educated and taught by those who have been in their respective fields for much longer than I.

I count myself privileged. 
I had the great honor to be taught by a man who had been in the field of Domination and Kink for an extensive period of time; a man who treasured safety and sanity alongside pleasure and mutual understanding. He, also, learned from a Dominant as a submissive. It is the natural way. In clinical terms, it is best practice.

It is because of the great gifts he gave me that I am determined to share those gifts with others, and do so professionally so that my time can be devoted to such endeavors without the distraction of other work responsibilities.

Ask-a-Domme : "So, what is it that you DO?"

"As a pro, what would you say it is that you do, generally?" 


As a ProDomme, I don't do certain things:

 I do not become romantically involved with my clients.
 I do not engage in my own personal nudity/penetration with clients.
 I do not inquire to the personal affairs of my clients beyond those aspects of their lives that are pertinent to my work/the health & safety of all involved.


 As a ProDomme, there are certain things that I always do:

 I cultivate open and honest communication with a submissive/his or her partner(s).
I maintain professional communication at all times. There is no room for games or subterfuge in this interaction.
I strive to provide an experience (whether verbal, physical, tactile, or sensory based) that will help the submissive achieve subspace, catharsis, and peace.
I do this through learning about my clients and teaching them about how to access, accept, and enjoy their submissive natures. I then present them with various activities in which they can be submissive, and guide them on their journey for as long as they wish to interact with me.

Ask-a-Domme: "Is it ethical to treat Domination like a job?"

"...most females that are taking part of the BDSM scene are treating it like a job, making money out of it and "play[ing]" [as] needed in order to maximize profits. It's not that i reject their right to gain money out of it, (on the contrary, i think that males should finance the LADIES and work hard for it), but it should not be the main and only purpose. if it comes as part of controlling all the males privileges, it make sense. same way i see spanking and canning. if it just for enjoying the pain, it is not about female domination - it's about [a] male having some type of sexual release. [However,] if the FEMALE is using pain to demonstrate her ruling or to modify the male behaviour it [is] accepted and even necessary. in principle i embrace every activity that comes as part of giving/taking full control by the sub/MISTRESS although i don't like them all but this is not important in the big picture of total submission.

YOUR thoughts?"

Note: The lower case i is not a repeated mistake but a personal preference of this individual in expressing his submission, mentally, to me and all women. This also accounts for the caps used for the words ladies, female, mistress, and your. 

 Re: spanking/caning/flogging for purposes other than discipline: I know, first hand, the release that can come from such an intense physical experience as part of a session and also the value of this activity in foreplay, so I cannot discount the value of these activities unto themselves. However, I despise solicitation by submissives who only want to be serviced in this way and who do not engage with their Dominants on a cerebral level. If you want pain, release, subspace, catharsis, and to receive all of these things at the hand of a Dominant woman, then don't play at submission - actually submit. I do not condone the practice of men showing up at a dungeon, paying for twenty minutes of spanking with a total stranger, and then leaving. There must be mental understanding and mindfulness of what is occurring and why it is occurring.

 Re: making money as a Domme - I believe that it is accurate to say that most "pro Dominatrix" workers are not trained and do not have the mental capacity to be true/effective Dominants. I see and hear horrible examples of men who sought out a Dominant woman, professionally, and had damaging experiences because the "Dominants" were corseted women with whips who had no formal training in the activities in which they engaged.

 I view what I do as therapeutic, when I physically do sessions with clients. I perform exhaustive intake interviews before ever playing with anyone. I do not cater to men, as this is neither sound professional practice nor contextually sensible. If/when men attempt to order activities like ordering from a menu, I correct them or end the communication. It is my mission to help men, women, and couples understand the benefits of FemDom and the D/s lifestyle in a manner that is built on ethical and intelligent introspection and play.

 I have chosen this as my profession because I believe that the best way for me to provide for my family in a loving and productive way is through doing what I truly love in a way that brings positive change to the world. My husband and I both work, and we do so because we are both intelligent human beings with much to offer the world by way of sharing our talents. This does not mean that I am any less a Domme because I work and provide, and while I can understand your view of wanting males to provide for women, I believe ultimately that the choice to work is the woman's to make.

Who's Got the Power?: Power Exchange and Mutual Responsibility

Power exchange is defined as a relationship or activity in which the submissive gives the dominant partner power and authority over the submissive's body in exchange for the submissive's obedience, thereby instilling happiness and mental peace for both parties through defined roles during play.

Power and authority must be willingly instilled/bestowed from one person to another.
The power is not taken, it is not forcibly turned into powerlessness.
It is willfully, actively, and consciously given to another person.

The caveat being, of course, that it can be taken back with a single utterance of the safeword.
Only the submissive can decide, with finality, her/his limits.
Those limits can be tested with consent, but never without it.

The interpersonal power of the Dominant relies upon the willingness of the submissive, but the great inherent power of the Dominant resides in her/his will and self control.

As a Domme, I strive for ultimate control over my own actions during a scene.
Do I allow passion to color my decisions?
Yes - I would stagnate otherwise.
But using passion is vastly different than being consumed by passion.
Being consumed is for the submissive - consumed by pleasure, by pain, by subspace.

There is mutual power, in the D/s exchange - it can never be forgotten that being on one's knees NEVER negates one's boundaries, or that the gift of Dominance should ever be flippantly accepted.

Too often I am privvy to stories of interactions in which a Dominant had no regard/respect for the desires of the submissive.
Alternatively, there is no lack of stories during which submissives attempt to top from the bottom and became frustrated when they were asked to truly submit or seek another partner.

It is a decision to give up power, and it is a heavy responsibility to accept that power.
When handled openly, honestly, and with mindfulness, the exchange can be complete, giving the much needed release and control desired by the submissive and Dominant.