Good Vibrations (Back from Hiatus!)

I've been having quite the ball with my pet, lately, as we've delved into more creative forms of sensory play. Per his beautiful hips, legs, ass, and overall desire to be used as a sissy-girl, this has taken on a life of its own when it comes to using toys.

He has had a lovely frenum piercing directly below the head for over a year now, and I've decided that this absolutely makes his cock more like a clit. Because he loves to be sissified and treated like a slut, I've taken to using toys on him that are marketed specifically for females.

The favorite, lately, is a small magic bullet-like vibrator housed within nubbed rubber that fits over my forefinger. 
When he is in his panties and lingerie, I take the rubber tip of the vibe and place it in the center of the piercing so that it touches the skin housing the shaft of the piercing and presses into the shaft of the piercing and the penis. 
From there, I move the tip to each of the balls on either side of the piercing, alternating about every ten seconds or so. 

Watching him squirm and bite his lips is fantastic. His moans become decidedly higher than his normal speaking range, and when he answers my questions he uses a deliciously feminine tone. There's nothing forced, nothing squeaky, just a breathless, soft, higher-pitched voice begging for more.

Because he's received two more frenum piercings, stroking the shaft of his penis is out of the picture for at least another month - which makes his cock even more clit-like. 

When he must depend solely on vibration to stimulate his clit, he can be put into such total femme space that his whole body reacts - he plays with his nipples, swerves and grinds his hips, licks his full beautiful and often-glossed lips. And the words that come flying out of that mouth - tremendous!
He begs for my cock, he begs for a REAL cock, he begs to be used, he begs to be fucked - it's all so perfectly slutty, and I love it!

Alpha Males, Beta Males, and Submissive Males: Why Submission Falls Outside Male Hierarchy

A dear friend and fellow Domme wrote a blog post on FLRs (Female Led Relationships), and it sparked a conversation dealing with the terms Alpha and Beta, and how they are applied when men are in submissive roles. Here are a few thoughts that developed from my consideration of that conversation.

If an Alpha male craves participation in an FLR, it does not inherently then make him a Beta male. On the contrary, it is misrepresentative to use this term for a number of reasons:

1) An Alpha male is a leader amongst his peers. Those peers are men, in this terminology. He is the male to whom the other males defer, and who leads the "pack" at work, socially, and who is most likely the eldest or most capable male in a household growing up.

2) Being a submissive male in the bedroom, in an FLR, or in a full-on BDSM lifestyle does not negate the Alpha status of a male in the workplace and in vanilla social situations. Alpha males are alpha males, and that part of their personality is not extinguished simply because they also are desirous of submitting to a Dominant Female. To the Female, the Alpha male is certainly subordinate, but that power dynamic is outside the Alpha/Beta/Omega male hierarchy.

3) A Beta male is not a leader. He is a provider, yes, but not the head of the pack or a natural leader. Many Beta males are attractive to females, but they are not to be confused with Alphas, just as the term Beta can never be a synonym for submissive. True, many Beta males may seem "sub" to the vanilla world, but I can say with reasonable assurance that the socially Beta male seeks out submissive women so that he can have his own balance of power in the bedroom v. the workplace. And more power to him and the women who may find that to be a stellar situation.

In my opinion, Alpha males make up the largest percentage of submissive men. I'm talking about the true submissives who seek shelter in the presence of their Dominant female partners and who seek balance in knowing that once they are in that presence they are no longer in control.

Lawyers, brokers, CEOs, professional athletes, clergy, managers, business owners, and law enforcement officers are a few prime examples of the type of men who seek out Dominant women. Notice a pattern? Power, control, responsibility for others, leadership, and certainly massive amounts of pressure. There has to be a release of that pressure or, like any physicist will tell you, explosion is imminent. So, how to do it?

The answer is: Find someone who is your mental equal but who is not your peer to take over that pressure, responsibility, and leadership for whatever span of time will work for you. It could be an FLR, it could be an hour long Domme session. The result is always similar: a restoration of mental balance and relief from the weight that Alpha status puts on male shoulders.

It is far from simple for men in power to act on the need for release. They have built lives on being in control, possibly businesses and families on the same principle. They cannot be expected to simply flip and switch and suddenly feel the joy of submitting.

This is where so many men run up against the walls of their own success and status, and where it can be so very challenging, even for the most willing sub/seasoned Domme, to find a way to get an Alpha to embrace his submissive needs. (The preconceived notion that submitting might somehow "lessen" an Alpha in the male world is a common fear; that he will become Beta if he submits to a female. The logic for this is shoddy, at best, as we have already discussed the male-centric nature of the term.)

Safety and respect are paramount in bringing an Alpha male into a D/s relationship with a Dominant female. He must be made to feel secure and protected, but also respected as the "man that he is." I do not say this snarkily, but merely to emphasize that to make the transition, men must be assured that they are still Alpha males, even when on their knees...but not in charge when under command of a Mistress.

That is the great transition with which so many men struggle, especially those who transition from being in the lead at work, calling every shot, then coming home to their beloved Dommes and feeling, sometimes, that they must "flip a switch." Like any Alpha, there is probably a bit of the perfectionist driving them to immediately be the personification of submission when they come home, but it is a difficult switch to flip after a long day of being in control. You get on a roll, as it were, and to be taken out of that can be jarring.

This is why, dear Dommes/Dominants, it is paramount to always remind your submissive Alphas that they are no longer in the spotlight when they come home or enter your dungeon - it is time for them to let all of the pressure go, and simply listen.

Don't think,
don't stress,
don't do anything but follow Our lead.
Don't put yourself in Alpha mode,
it will be there when we're done.
Here, on your knees,
you need only submit.

i'm Thankful for Kinky Sex

This Thanksgiving, I'm going to be honest.

I'm going to give thanks for some of the things that aren't discussed around the turkey-dinner over cranberry sauce and plentiful amounts of alcohol.

That's right - it's time to be thankful for kinky sex: cerebral kinky foreplay, chats that turn a little window into full-on subspace, biting and scratching and whimpering and CUMMING.

I'm fucking thankful!

I'm thankful for toys - the metal, the plastic, the vibrating, the insertable, the bejeweled, and the beautiful.

I'm thankful for implements - the whips, the crops, the paddles, the floggers (oh, THANK you for the floggers), the canes, and the hairbrushes.

I'm thankful for the subs - oh those sweet masochistic and deliciously giving submissives!

I'm thankful for My pet - my sweetest toy, my most wiling first-timer, my darling puppy, and my perfectly muscled pony.

I'm thankful for my inspiration - D.M. Dewey, Ruffled Sheets, Marabelle Blue, and Sir Ken.

I'm thankful for every single person who has opened up, and talked about their kinks, with me.
THANK you, yes YOU, for feeding my never ending quest to revel in the sexiest corners of your mind!

And, as always, thank you for, so willingly, allowing me to help you explore them, too.

Sometimes, a Domme needs a Wake-up call from Her submissive (A Treatise on Trust)

Let's take a moment to discuss lifestyle submission.
Not once-a-week session submission (which, if that's your thing, more power to you), but the type of submission that occurs between two people who have chosen each other as partners in and out of the bedroom.

Lifestyle submission requires far more than sexual attraction, consent, a fancy set of whips, and two minds that get off on power exchange.
It requires trust.
Boatloads of trust - from both parties.

Trust is a huge barrier for many Dominants. We become so focused on controlling situations, giving control to those who ask for it, and maintaining control over our own demons that we forget or hide from the fact that we MUST put faith and trust in those who are worthy of it.

During this week, my pet and I have faced the challenge of my post-op recovery. Anyone who knows me will attest to my poor behavior, as a patient. I will try to do too much, I will resist care, and I will become angry when I'm called out on my lack of adherence to Dr's orders.

My pet diligently and unwaveringly has called me out, and shown me sense.
And guess what?
He did that in the true spirit of a submissive - he acted as my protector.
He trusted himself, and he trusted his own abilities, even when I refused to do so.

He protected me from my own inappropriate behavior.
He was respectful, but honest, when telling me I was not doing what was best for my health.
He told me, point blank, that my behavior was hurting me and hurting him.

He has put his life in my hands, physically, mentally, sexually, and emotionally. He pointed out that I need to entrust my health to him and put my care into his hands.

Allowing our submissives to care for us is not weakness.
It is not submission.
It is not an abandonment of our posts.

We must remember to put the same trust in our beloved pets as they have put in us.

On Varied Love: An Open Letter to My pet/Husband, on Polyamory

My darling pet, my devoted husband, my best friend, and the father of our beautiful child,

I love you more than I thought it would be possible to love another human being.
You have given me a life, a family, and a home that, without you, would not have been possible.
You teach me, every day, what it means to be a Partner.
You help me, every day, to be the best Domme I can possibly be.

 Because I love you, and because you have given me such varied gifts of love, I believe it is right and salutary that I present this letter, to you, in a way that shares my messages of love for you, and revelation within myself, in a public venue.

I need you to understand what it means when I talk about polyamory.

Polyamory is not based in greed, dissatisfaction, or narcissism.
It is based in the personal and interpersonal knowledge that Love can exist between more than two people and still be True.

 (I have been trying to find an accurate way to express this for over a decade. Being able to finally do so, in a moment of writer's clarity, is one of the great reliefs of my life.)

After ten years, ten long years of trying to figure out what in thunderfuck my brain needed in order to feel whole and complete and sane and at peace, I am finally comfortable saying, "Yes, I am poly."

Yes, I want to enjoy the bodies, minds, and junk of other people.
Yes, I want to lap at a woman's cunt until she loses her mind.
Yes, I want to feel the security of submitting to a man who knows his way around a flogger and the female mind, from a sensually sadistic standpoint.

It's not easy to make these statements, nor are they statements that I make lightly.

I realize that making these statements, and doing so in a public manner, may have intense repercussions in my own home and with you, my own devoted partner.

I also realize that, in order to be the best Domme, wife, and partner possible, all cards must be on the table.
All truth must be transparent and accessible.

 Is this terrifying?
 Yep.
I'm scared-near-shitless to be speaking my truth.

 But, the Truth has a funny way of making itself heard, and of leaving Peace in its wake.

 Here's to Love, and to being honest with those to whom we give it.

 Yours,
 Beatrice


Post Scripts, from Me to him: 

- No amount of play with another person will ever cause me to stop loving you, or to love you in a different manner. You are my Primary, my Heart, and my Husband.

- I did not tell you what was in my head in order to change you.
I did it for myself.
I did it in order to be honest.
I did it in order to follow the same expectations I have set down, for you.
 Honesty.
Transparency.
Clear statements of desires.
Saying things that i'm scared to say, but doing it anyway, because it's the right thing to do.
Keeping nothing a secret.
Keeping you informed of what is happening in my head, no matter how scary I think it might be, both to tell you and for you to hear.

I will never stop telling you the truth.
I will never stop listening to the truth you tell, to me.

Dominance: The Ultimate Responsibility and The Ultimate Gift

If you are going to try, go all the way.
Do it, do it, do it.
All the way, all the way, all the way.

Bukowski wrote that, and yes, I'm reasonably sure I just paraphrased it, but I'm not about to go on a GoogleHunt.

The point is this: don't half anything.
Don't dabble.
Don't make a start, then refuse to finish.
Don't allow complacency to color your work or your Love.

Go all the way, all the way, all the damn way.

If you bring a pet into your care, know what you are signing up to do.
You are becoming their source of Control.
You are becoming their Balance.

It's a big fucking job.

You DON'T get to be weak.
You don't get to be trite.
You don't get to be trivial.

You DO get to lead, by example.
You get to establish boundaries, and healthily maintain them.
You get to protect yourself and give protection to your pet, even if  that means protecting yourself and your pet from his/her negative tendencies.

You get to say No:
No, I will not let bad habits slide.
No, I will not indulge brattish and attention-seeking behaviors.
No, I will not allow you to use Me or My time as a distraction from your own problems.

You must be strong: for Yourself, for your pet, for the two of you as a pair, couple, or any other form of relationship.

Dominance is not a pass to a never-ending supply of cunnilingus, blowjobs, no-questions-asked-submission, or whateverthefuck floats your self-serving, self-loving, and/or self-indulgent boat.

Dominance is the ultimate gift.

Only those with quiet strength, self-awareness, and sincere care for others can give it.