How My Submission Informs My Dominance

I began my journey as a psychologically based Dominant, focusing mainly on interrogative styles of interaction between submissive and Dominant.

I was primarily interested in the Female/male power exchange dynamic.

I found that my personality drove me to find out as many details as possible about my submissives, and that I put a heavy emphasis on conversation surrounding scenes in order to put my submissives at ease and to ensure that they were in a peaceful mental state both before and after each scene.  It’s fair to say that I set the mental aspects of both scene play and aftercare ahead of the physical aspects, but have never discounted the value of purely physical play/care.

As I moved through sessions, I became curious as to whether or not I could submit. I knew it would need to be with a Dominant male, and one who possessed vast experience. I started shopping, like so many young women do, hoping to find someone who would inspire, intrigue, challenge, and treasure me. I found, instead, someone who appeared, on the surface, to be all I’d envisioned, but who deteriorated over the course of three sessions. He showed himself to be an abusive man who had no idea how to deliver aftercare, and to be blunt, was most certainly a sadist who had no moral code for assessing or respecting the limits of his submissive. I will not go into detail, as to the abuse that I underwent while seeing this individual, but I will say this: because he was my first, I was afraid to say, “Red” and speak about what I didn’t like. I also realized, after I cut off communication and interaction, that I had not once been asked if I was alright, if I needed explanation, or if I needed even a glass of water during incredibly intense physically demanding scenes filled with impact play and heaving humiliation-based mind games.

This experience deeply affected me, and caused me to drastically revamp my approach with submissives. When a man told me he wanted a cruel and demanding Mistress, I would discuss with him the basis for that desire, and would clearly explain that outside the scene I would not be cruel, but that within the scene I would inhabit the persona of the cruel woman he had envisioned. I would establish check in touches, like three taps to the shoulder, which I would administer in the midst of intense play, giving the submissive the chance to tap out or take a breather if he needed one. I kept water on hand throughout any scene, as well as pretzels to feed any sub who had become so worn out that they needed a carb boost. I was trained in CPR and spoke with submissives about their health conditions and demanded complete honesty about any information that would affect their ability to participate in intensely physical scenes.

The second Dominant male with whom I ever played was the opposite of my first: he was in possession of not only vast knowledge of the scene, but also knew how to pace the relationship, how to gage my reactions to interaction, and how to train me and push me to my limits without harming either my mind or body. This individual taught me, by example, that the best Dominants are not demanding, barking orders, and instilling fear in their girls – the best Dominant males are those that can inspire their girls to be the best possible version of themselves. To say that the Daddy dynamic is important to me would be an understatement, but I think that my deeply rooted need for a father/big-brother figure Dominant is also informed by my desire to be the most caring and challenging Female Dominant possible.

I strive, with each of my submissives, to keep them on their toes, to challenge them to grow and expand their minds and physical limits. To me, this is my duty as a Dominant and someone entrusted with the minds and bodies of others in a BDSM setting. If I am not challenging the mind of a submissive, then I am not exerting my power to the best of my ability, nor am I using my imagination to the extent which my pets deserve.

Because I have been topped by the worst and best ends of the Male Dominant spectrum I know that I am driven to always exist only in the realm of positive experience and personal growth for myself and my submissive partners. In reading this, I hope that you have been inspired to analyze your own Dominant or submissive style, and that you will strive to be the best partner you can possibly be.

BDSM Education of the Vanilla World - A Call For Change

Kink – such a small, simple word – is the blanket term we give to creative sexual expression. Kink is the permission we give ourselves to explore what it is that turns us on, and the way in which we can most fully experience the bodies and minds of others in a sexual context.

A great segment of the Vanilla world lives in a repressed and sexually stigmatized reality, a reality in which looking outside the sexual norm means people will be ostracized, excluded, and derided by the majority. For so many, it is this slavery to the perceived cultural majority that keeps them from taking the time to understand themselves. This is the barrier that stands in the way of so much of the Western world: the barrier of perceived “normalcy” and mental slavery to the group before the self.

In a time where the headlines are rife with cases of domestic sexual abuse, female genital mutilation, sex trafficking, and endless other examples of repressed sexuality turning into violence against humanity, it is the responsibility of the Kinky Community to educate others on the myriad avenues of sexual expression available through Kink and BDSM.  It is our responsibility to share our stories of self-awareness, self-exploration, and finding communities in which we are allowed to mentally and sexually thrive.

We see horrifying examples like the Duggar family, in which a cult of reproduction reduces women to vessels and controls female and male sexual pleasure, negating freedom and exploration through shame and proprietary mandates.  We know that sexual repression results in sexual violence, abuse, rape, personal shame, stifled growth of self awareness, and deep rooted fear of sexuality and our own bodies. This invasive and frightening “family value” of owning female sexuality and female bodies cannot be allowed to continue to permeate the national psyche, and it needs an antidote.

I propose that we can be that antidote. Through teaching, through starting conversations in bars, through women teaching women (and men) about the Kinky way – the way of exploration and awareness – we can counteract the typical American majority of repression.

How many women and men forgo seeking out true sexual fulfillment because they are worried about how they will be perceived? How many persons of every gender remain trapped in monotonous sexual routines (or lack of sexual interaction) because they believe it is better to stay “safe” than to find what they truly desire?

If we are to be ambassadors of Kink and BDSM, if we are to stand outside of the closet and speak with a sexually positive voice, then we must reach out to both the new members of our community and those outside of the community who question their ability to stretch the boundaries of their experience. We must promote self-awareness, on sexual and platonic levels. We must strive to uphold transparency, critical awareness of our own prejudices, and the desire to lead by an example of open dialogue amongst our own community and the Vanilla world that so often looks in but is afraid to join in.

Why Submission is Sexy

I adore using my pet like the delightfully willing and submissive boy that he is.
I revel in the fact that I have the privilege of using him in any way I wish.
I get off on the fact that my will is what dictates whether or not he gets to cum.

But, if I'm going to be perfectly frank, I also love knowing that he's submitting to me.

He's under my control.
He's under my protection.
He's just plain under me, most of the time, looking up and begging for more of what I, and only I, give him:
The ability to let go.

Submission is so damn sexy because it's what allows people to let go - and what gives other people (Dominants, I'm talking to you) the chance to get their fingers into another person's grey matter.

Submitting to me means that I get to roam around in your brain and then start using your mind to unravel your body.

Submitting to me means that I get to taste, touch, fuck, push, use, expand, overwhelm, and understand you.

Submitting to me means that I get to get down to the nitty-gritty, ever so hidden, darkest bits of your mind and run around with a flashlight.

Submitting to me means that I get to expose, excavate, and help you express all of the things you never thought were "acceptable" to want, say, do, or discuss.

Submission is sexy because it creates a safe space in which the craziest shit can happen.

Submission is sexy because it gives you permission to be whatever the fuck you want, and not be judged by me when I make/help you do anything we have the mental/physical capacity to enact.

Here's to the submissives, and their endlessly glorious mines of potential.

i'm Thankful for Kinky Sex

This Thanksgiving, I'm going to be honest.

I'm going to give thanks for some of the things that aren't discussed around the turkey-dinner over cranberry sauce and plentiful amounts of alcohol.

That's right - it's time to be thankful for kinky sex: cerebral kinky foreplay, chats that turn a little window into full-on subspace, biting and scratching and whimpering and CUMMING.

I'm fucking thankful!

I'm thankful for toys - the metal, the plastic, the vibrating, the insertable, the bejeweled, and the beautiful.

I'm thankful for implements - the whips, the crops, the paddles, the floggers (oh, THANK you for the floggers), the canes, and the hairbrushes.

I'm thankful for the subs - oh those sweet masochistic and deliciously giving submissives!

I'm thankful for My pet - my sweetest toy, my most wiling first-timer, my darling puppy, and my perfectly muscled pony.

I'm thankful for my inspiration - D.M. Dewey, Ruffled Sheets, Marabelle Blue, and Sir Ken.

I'm thankful for every single person who has opened up, and talked about their kinks, with me.
THANK you, yes YOU, for feeding my never ending quest to revel in the sexiest corners of your mind!

And, as always, thank you for, so willingly, allowing me to help you explore them, too.

Kinky Musings: Sounds, Med-play, Ruined Orgasms, and Syringe-Fed Cum

Today, I'm feeling the need to expand on a thought-process involving sounds, restraint, med-play, and ruined orgasms...

When musing on the topic, the first words concerning sound sensation were:

 "[the sound] being moved up and down feels like a long, slow, never-ending orgasm."

They'd been told to me by an individual who was a seasoned veteran of sound play. He loves it on its own or as part of a scene. I share his statement because men need to read it.

It's a resounding endorsement for those who look at sounding and see nothing but pain.

I want to break down just how heavenly medical sound play can be, from My vantage point.

I adore strapping men down and then getting out my tray with all the instruments.
It's a head rush to lay out each instrument, one by one, and watch a sub's eyes stare in nervous lust.
Urethral sounds, speculums, Wartenberg wheels, many and various clamps, electro stim attachments, vibrating attachments, dildos - anything the imagination allows, really.

I especially love laying out sounding sets. All that cool, clean, shining silver-colored metal. Glinting, waiting, ready, and patiently waiting to be used - not unlike my patient.

The feel would be cold and sterile, for the setting and execution, culminating in a ruined/minimized orgasm.

The patient would be sounded. Stretched.

His nipples, hips, ass, mouth, but especially his cock, would be worked over, bit by bit by glorious bit.

He'd be brought to the point of orgasm -

then a bucket of ice would be upended on his cock.

Once the orgasm is ruined, the cock would be held downwards and the underside teased gently until the subject reached orgasm, whereby stimulation would be stopped, but the cock still held in that position and the semen collected in a medical specimen jar and then fed directly to the subject.

The way it would be collected varies, depending on the familiarity between play partners.

If it's a new subject, the condom is put on the cock and then the cum is sucked out with a syringe. If it is a regular, known submissive, a small cap with tubing is attached to the top of the dick so that cum squirts into a receptacle, even from an erect cock. This process is then repeated once or twice, depending on what the pathetic sub can manage.

The patient would be milked until he could not longer maintain consciousness.


Postlude:

So many men are sluts for their own cum, no matter how they can get it. Others are enamored of what they perceive to be the humiliation factor so, more cum, more humiliation. Personally, I enjoy watching them learn to love eating their own remains - it drives the point home that, yes, when you cum, you get to clean up the mess.

On Varied Love: An Open Letter to My pet/Husband, on Polyamory

My darling pet, my devoted husband, my best friend, and the father of our beautiful child,

I love you more than I thought it would be possible to love another human being.
You have given me a life, a family, and a home that, without you, would not have been possible.
You teach me, every day, what it means to be a Partner.
You help me, every day, to be the best Domme I can possibly be.

 Because I love you, and because you have given me such varied gifts of love, I believe it is right and salutary that I present this letter, to you, in a way that shares my messages of love for you, and revelation within myself, in a public venue.

I need you to understand what it means when I talk about polyamory.

Polyamory is not based in greed, dissatisfaction, or narcissism.
It is based in the personal and interpersonal knowledge that Love can exist between more than two people and still be True.

 (I have been trying to find an accurate way to express this for over a decade. Being able to finally do so, in a moment of writer's clarity, is one of the great reliefs of my life.)

After ten years, ten long years of trying to figure out what in thunderfuck my brain needed in order to feel whole and complete and sane and at peace, I am finally comfortable saying, "Yes, I am poly."

Yes, I want to enjoy the bodies, minds, and junk of other people.
Yes, I want to lap at a woman's cunt until she loses her mind.
Yes, I want to feel the security of submitting to a man who knows his way around a flogger and the female mind, from a sensually sadistic standpoint.

It's not easy to make these statements, nor are they statements that I make lightly.

I realize that making these statements, and doing so in a public manner, may have intense repercussions in my own home and with you, my own devoted partner.

I also realize that, in order to be the best Domme, wife, and partner possible, all cards must be on the table.
All truth must be transparent and accessible.

 Is this terrifying?
 Yep.
I'm scared-near-shitless to be speaking my truth.

 But, the Truth has a funny way of making itself heard, and of leaving Peace in its wake.

 Here's to Love, and to being honest with those to whom we give it.

 Yours,
 Beatrice


Post Scripts, from Me to him: 

- No amount of play with another person will ever cause me to stop loving you, or to love you in a different manner. You are my Primary, my Heart, and my Husband.

- I did not tell you what was in my head in order to change you.
I did it for myself.
I did it in order to be honest.
I did it in order to follow the same expectations I have set down, for you.
 Honesty.
Transparency.
Clear statements of desires.
Saying things that i'm scared to say, but doing it anyway, because it's the right thing to do.
Keeping nothing a secret.
Keeping you informed of what is happening in my head, no matter how scary I think it might be, both to tell you and for you to hear.

I will never stop telling you the truth.
I will never stop listening to the truth you tell, to me.

Whore Enhancement through Chastity

I can think of no better way to control and enhance a whore and his/her natural disposition than to put him/her in chastity.

Consider the nature of a whore: sexual, needful, lustful, ever eager for more cock, more attention, and more input.
What better way to control a mind than to control its access to what it craves?

When too much sex is enjoyed by anyone, especially a whore, all sex becomes boring.
This type of tragedy must NOT be allowed to transpire, especially when a beloved whore, preferred pet, or promising sub is concerned.
Teach them the value of having to wait.
Teach their bodies the joy of delayed gratification.

The waiting and the restriction, when properly enforced alongside constant mental attention and engagement, will only whet their appetites and encourage greater obedience in the hope of receiving what they crave.

That constant mental engagement must be comprised of teasing.
Not generic teasing, not sporadic teasing, but focused and specifically tailored torture that will creep beneath the dura mater in the sub's mind and create a blanket of suggestion and titillation.

You have to care enough about your whore to make his mind your constant playground.

This is not a process to attempt by the novice Dominant or by someone who cannot commit a significant amount of attention to their submissive(s)/whore(s).

You will only succeed if you are adept at mind control and providing constant stimulation.

This does not mean you, personally, have to send them five million texts a day or be next to them, whispering in their ear or touching them.
Far from it.
You can do the obvious and put them in a chastity device.
They will feel the cage around them, all day, and fight with the feeling of arousal and inability to become erect.
You can enforce your will and make sure they are never without stimulation with daily assignments, stipulating the wearing of specific undergarments, or even piercing your pet to provide a constant sensory reminder that they are owned.

Hell, go for the gusto and have them wear lace panties over a newly pierced frenum.
I can tell you, it works like a charm: my favorite personal pet is never free of the constant feel of precum in his lacey boxer briefs.

Remember: creativity and consistency are key.
Make chastity the sexual and sensual experience it is meant to be, and your whore will be trained to perform at peak levels.
And they will love you, for it.

"Darling, I love you - now fuck this cock." (Whores = Happiness)

Let's talk about what it means to be a whore.

It's a lot to talk about, yes.
It's only Monday.

Game on.

This morning, my beautiful pet woke up hard as a rock in his lace boxer-briefs.
He knows better than to start humping my leg, but feeling the electricity in his body was enough to banish sleep from my brain almost immediately and convey his need.

I mean, throbbing, aching, absolutely gut wrenching need.

I dig that.

So, I did what any Goddess would do - I teased him mercilessly.
I told him how happy it makes me when he's writhing next to me.
I told him what a whore he is.

Let's take a breather, and discuss that term. 
"Whore."

In my world, it's a massive compliment.

It means you want, without limit.
You want more, much, many, all.
You want and need cock, regardless of gender or if it's a strapon or attached to a warm body.

You want to be used, and you want to be the center of attention.
You want to be filled and tasted and touched and fucked and feel totally safe while doing all of it.

You want to be accepted as you are - needful, hungry, wanton, permeable, beautiful, and sexual

Back to my pet, this morning.

My pet is learning to love his whorish nature.
It makes me so proud to watch him embrace his own lust and need when I'm working him over.

As of this past Saturday he's been trained up to take my rubber cock in his ass.
I love the way he so clearly needs to be filled.
He begged for my strapon, again, this morning.
He confessed that need, overtly.
I gave him the words, and he repeated them:

"I am a whore. I need to be filled by cock.
I love being filled by cock.
I want as much cock as my Goddess will give me."

I have never been more pleased with a submissive.
Ever.

Watching him writhe, pulling his legs back, biting his lips, and generally giving in to being a total and complete slut for my strapon: all of it was beautiful.
But the BEST part, the part that definitely got me thoroughly turned on, was hearing him ask for more and more cock.

I loved looking down at him and telling him that he would, someday, know what it was like to be fucked by ten, twelve, fourteen people in a row - some men, some women, whatever I wanted to see.
I was so proud when he smiled, shoved his ass down on the strapon, and said it all back.

He's a whore.
And he's proud of it.

I encourage that pride, because I instilled it.
I encourage his whorishness because, to me, being a whore is the most honest state of being, for a submissive.

Watching my pet give in to all the need that is inside of him was the perfect start to the week.