The Philosophical Domme: marriage

Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts

Monday, November 11, 2013

Outing in the BDSM Scene (A Story with a Rude Beginning and a Happy Ending)

A foolish, insecure (and, clearly, boring) individual, with whom My pet/husband used to work, came upon My pet's Kink-centric Twitter account on Friday. After following the account, perusing the content, and then unfollowing the account, this person decided to walk around the company at which My pet used to work and show the pictures and content of the account to anyone who took the time to pay him any attention.

One of the people to whom this picture was shown was My pet's ex-gf, the one who immediately preceded me, in fact.

She contacted My pet, via text, and, in doing so, accomplished something truly helpful in notifying him that his private life was being made public, without his knowledge or consent.

(Yes, I realize that material put on social media sites, even under aliases, will most likely filter down to Vanilla life. It's the nature of the beast. However, no one deserves to be outed.)

Needless to say, it gave My pet quite the shock.

He became terrified that he would lose friends, the respect of his colleagues, and the love of his family, should this information spread further than the offices at his former place of employment.

To top it all off, he received this information directly before getting on the second of two flights during his return trip home; he'd be out of communication with Me for at least two hours during which his brain would have time to chase its tail, mercilessly.

Thankfully, I was able to call him as he sat on the plane, directly before take-off.

I reminded him of this: if anyone, anyone at all, ever tries to touch him or hurt him in a negative way, they will be buried, swiftly and surely, by Me.

(Not to mention that if anyone ever was foolish enough to slander my husband, or go so far as to take it to the level of libel, they would find themselves sued faster than they could blink.)

The truth is, our Kinks are only as wrong/dirty/unacceptable as WE believe them to be.

If anyone, anyone at all, attempts to tell you that what you like, love, engage in, or choose as a lifestyle is wrong, then do as RDJ does:

Back to my darling husband/pet.

When I received word that his plane had landed, I went to the airport to pick him up, with our 5-month old smiling and strapped into his car-seat, ready to see his Daddy.

Joy was all around, as was reassurance. Hugs, kisses, happy tears, and all-around-bliss permeated our tiny little corner of the universe. We got on the road, we listened to the early-but-appreciated Christmas music on the radio. We dropped off the young spud, with My pet's mother, and then went to see Seinfeld at Shea's. I'd never seen his stand-up act, and we were both excited for what promised to be a fun and stress-reducing evening. What my pet/Husband didn't know, is this: I'd received two packages in the mail, directly before coming to the airport. One contained his day-collar. The other contained its FemDom counterpart.

It's rare that a husband and wife both know what it's like to propose And yes, we both know what it's like, and here's why: we both knew the other would say yes when we popped our respective questions. We both were, still, incredibly nervous. I proposed to him over two flutes of prosecco. I asked my husband to be Mine - to wear My collar and to come under My protection - for all time. Just like my husband heard me say it, one year ago, I got to hear him say, "Yes." Cheers, all. Here's to happiness, in whatever form it takes, for you.

Wednesday, November 6, 2013

On Varied Love: An Open Letter to My pet/Husband, on Polyamory

My darling pet, my devoted husband, my best friend, and the father of our beautiful child,

I love you more than I thought it would be possible to love another human being.
You have given me a life, a family, and a home that, without you, would not have been possible.
You teach me, every day, what it means to be a Partner.
You help me, every day, to be the best Domme I can possibly be.

Because I love you, and because you have given me such varied gifts of love, I believe it is right and salutary that I present this letter, to you, in a way that shares my messages of love for you, and revelation within myself, in a public venue.

I need you to understand what it means when I talk about polyamory.

Polyamory is not based in greed, dissatisfaction, or narcissism.
It is based in the personal and interpersonal knowledge that Love can exist between more than two people and still be True.

(I have been trying to find an accurate way to express this for over a decade. Being able to finally do so, in a moment of writer's clarity, is one of the great reliefs of my life.)

After ten years, ten long years of trying to figure out what in thunderfuck my brain needed in order to feel whole and complete and sane and at peace, I am finally comfortable saying, "Yes, I am poly."

Yes, I want to enjoy the bodies, minds, and junk of other people.
Yes, I want to lap at a woman's cunt until she loses her mind.
Yes, I want to feel the security of submitting to a man who knows his way around a flogger and the female mind, from a sensually sadistic standpoint.

It's not easy to make these statements, nor are they statements that I make lightly.

I realize that making these statements, and doing so in a public manner, may have intense repercussions in my own home and with you, my own devoted partner.

I also realize that, in order to be the best Domme, wife, and partner possible, all cards must be on the table.
All truth must be transparent and accessible.

Is this terrifying?
Yep.
I'm scared-near-shitless to be speaking my truth.

But, the Truth has a funny way of making itself heard, and of leaving Peace in its wake.

Here's to Love, and to being honest with those to whom we give it.

Yours,
Beatrice

Post Scripts, from Me to him:

- No amount of play with another person will ever cause me to stop loving you, or to love you in a different manner. You are my Primary, my Heart, and my Husband.

- I did not tell you what was in my head in order to change you.
I did it for myself.
I did it in order to be honest.
I did it in order to follow the same expectations I have set down, for you.
Honesty.
Transparency.
Clear statements of desires.
Saying things that i'm scared to say, but doing it anyway, because it's the right thing to do.
Keeping nothing a secret.
Keeping you informed of what is happening in my head, no matter how scary I think it might be, both to tell you and for you to hear.

I will never stop telling you the truth.
I will never stop listening to the truth you tell, to me.

Friday, September 27, 2013

Ask-a-Domme : "How can married men see you without cheating?"

"How can men who want Female Domination see you without cheating on their wives?"

This is from a vanilla individual whose line of questioning is all too common. Let's break this down, starting with the "cheating" aspect.

I do not, and have never, provided a service that would involve sexual intercourse, fellatio, cunnilingus, or analingus. I do not kiss clients, and the only time a client's lips would touch any part of me is during foot, shoe, or boot worship.

Now, this is not to say that the only cheating is physical cheating. Mental and emotional cheating are real and valid concerns. It is for this reason that, when I am approached by married male or female clients, I first ask if they have attempted to speak to their spouses.

The point, for me, is to help clients experience and express their Kink to the best and highest degree. I believe that, if a client is married, it is potentially his/her spouse who can be the best Dominant for her/him. Without exception, I offer to train them together, in order to, at least, attempt to facilitate this type of growth between two established partners.

Granted, many married clients want no part of telling their spouses. They are embarrassed, fearful, or otherwise negatively disposed toward the thought of bringing their vanilla partner/spouse into any type of Kink, especially with a ProDomme. (There must be a radical shift away from sexual shame, for every gender in this country, but that is another post.) I have been told, and understand, that, in the minds of many vanilla spouses, a professional Dominant is akin to a prostitute.

While I do not have a problem being mistaken for a sex worker, I do feel the need to point out that (as outlined in a previous paragraph) our jobs vary immensely. IMMENSELY.

To answer, or sum up this answer, I'll say this:

My interaction with submissives is in no way a relationship. When there is an emotional connection, it is one that begins and ends during session times. Sessions are not indicative of romantic feelings, nor do they imply romantic involvement.

All of that being said, the burden of honesty is with the client. If you want to see me, "without cheating," then you need to be honest with your partner about wanting to see me/any ProDomme.