Saturday, February 15, 2014

The Work of Ownership: When Fantasy Meets Reality

Come here.

Kneel down.

Do as you're told.

Three simple commands.

At first glance, they seem almost too simple, too easy, and too basic to have any meaning.

Where is the strict command?
Where is the humiliation?
Where is the slapping around, smashing his face into the carpet, and verbally abusing the piss out of the little slaveboy?

The above questions may well have escaped the lips, or at least been in the minds, of many Dominants and submissives who read the first three commands and found them incongruous with their own vision of BDSM.  In those three simple statements, there's not much over-the-top intensity that is so automatic in pornographic and vanilla-media presentations of D/s.

Now, there are some sites (such as where there are actual lifestyle professionals who understand the difference between fantasy and reality. However, they deliver to us a finished product that, while produced by lifestyle-conscience actors and directors, shows only the scene and not the work that went into building the trust to create that scene.

We, as a community, have to stop basing our understanding of D/s dynamics on a scene-centered sexual view.
We have to grow up and consider our interactions as part of a whole relationship, rather than a piece-meal/cubby-holed sexual existence.

Fantasy and reality MUST meet at the understanding that a scene is not the totality of a BDSM relationship - it is one glorious facet of the interaction between Dominant and submissive.
The moment of caging, cuffing, flogging, piercing, sissifying, or pegging did not materialize from pure lust - it was born from intense work and trust on behalf of both parties:

- Carving out the precise desires of both parties and determining compatibility/lack thereof
-  Understanding the needs of the submissive, guiding him through the process of understanding those needs, and teaching him how to ask for what he truly wants
- Learning how to serve, how to care, and how to please the Dominant
- Learning how to coach, how to protect, and how to reassure the submissive

The work of Ownership is not for the faint of heart, nor is it an occupation or Lifestyle in which corners can be cut.

The work of Ownership is directly proportionate to the enjoyment of ownership: 

The more you know about your submissive, the more you can push and motivate him; the more you understand your own power, the more effectively you can use it to enjoy yourself and gain maximum enjoyment from your submissives.

No Domme, or submissive, is worth more than She or he is willing to give.
If you give nothing, you will receive nothing.

Should you give all you have, your gains will be immeasurable.

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