The Alpha Complex

We live in a world of absolutes: The perceived Alpha male and Alpha female, the hierarchy of financial and social elitism. We are judged by what we possess and control, not necessarily by our methods of acquiring or maintaining that control.

In the BDSM world, this is also true. It's a game of appearance, of who has the most sway, the most exposure, the most followers, the greatest perceived power and reputation.

We must fight this system.

We must remember that humility and the pursuit of knowledge must be cornerstones of any D/s interaction.

Being a true Alpha means that we must be leaders, caretakers, and those responsible for the continuing growth of positive understanding in our community.

Tops, Doms, and all who exert control over others must realize and enact the truths of motivation and execution as being the key differences between responsible and reprehensible action.

Topping and Domination are not the full exertion of power over another without question.
Submission is a gift, given by the submissive, and which can be revoked at any time. Too often, submissives feel they must please their Dom to the point of losing sight of their own mental health and physical needs.

This is not the way to conduct a D/s relationship.

There must be communication. There must be understanding of the whole person, on both sides of the equation.
Meeting once before jumping into a scene can result in disaster.
Having unclear channels of communication, or NO communication, is a surefire way to ensure unsafe play and physical/mental harm.

Do your due diligence.

Doms: vetting your subs for experience level and understanding of the lifestyle and/or play is imperative - having clear limits is too often overlooked in the heat of wanting to get the high of a "spontaneous" or "genuine" scene. Don't be lured by the sub who wants to "give up everything to you" - chances are, they have no idea what this really means.

Subs: Be honest when looking for a play partner. Don't embellish experience level, or feel you have to feign knowledge of the MYRIAD terms thrown around when discussing the lifestyle. You are as you are - and that is enough

Sometimes, a Domme needs a Wake-up call from Her submissive (A Treatise on Trust)

Let's take a moment to discuss lifestyle submission.
Not once-a-week session submission (which, if that's your thing, more power to you), but the type of submission that occurs between two people who have chosen each other as partners in and out of the bedroom.

Lifestyle submission requires far more than sexual attraction, consent, a fancy set of whips, and two minds that get off on power exchange.
It requires trust.
Boatloads of trust - from both parties.

Trust is a huge barrier for many Dominants. We become so focused on controlling situations, giving control to those who ask for it, and maintaining control over our own demons that we forget or hide from the fact that we MUST put faith and trust in those who are worthy of it.

During this week, my pet and I have faced the challenge of my post-op recovery. Anyone who knows me will attest to my poor behavior, as a patient. I will try to do too much, I will resist care, and I will become angry when I'm called out on my lack of adherence to Dr's orders.

My pet diligently and unwaveringly has called me out, and shown me sense.
And guess what?
He did that in the true spirit of a submissive - he acted as my protector.
He trusted himself, and he trusted his own abilities, even when I refused to do so.

He protected me from my own inappropriate behavior.
He was respectful, but honest, when telling me I was not doing what was best for my health.
He told me, point blank, that my behavior was hurting me and hurting him.

He has put his life in my hands, physically, mentally, sexually, and emotionally. He pointed out that I need to entrust my health to him and put my care into his hands.

Allowing our submissives to care for us is not weakness.
It is not submission.
It is not an abandonment of our posts.

We must remember to put the same trust in our beloved pets as they have put in us.

"What makes Foot Fetish scenes exciting, for You?"

"Madame, I have seen your recent pictures on Twitter, and I adore your feet, especially in heels. Can you please tell me what You think of Foot Fetishism, and if You enjoy it?"

Foot/shoe fetishism, whether gentle foot worship or sadistic gagging with perfectly manicured toes and a long slick heel, is thrilling to me on three levels.

First, I adore the visual of men on their knees, staring down at my feet, looking as subservient and eager as they can.
I love watching their mouths open, their breath come quickly, and their foreheads begin to sweat as I cross and uncross my legs or ankles.
I adore seeing the anticipation overwhelm their minds.
Merely watching a footslut stare at my feet, shod or unshod, could keep me entertained for hours.
I mean that.
The pure excitement, the need, the hunger - it appeals to me on every level.
From a very young age I was enamored of the thought of men kissing my feet and worshipping me in general - the first time a man ever kissed the arch of my foot as I sat at a bar, I nearly burst with excitement.

Second, I find that many men with foot/shoe fetishes are far more cerebral in their kinks.
What I mean by that is, on average, the men who approach me for foot domination and shoe/boot related scenes have specific desires and are willing to share their stories with me.
They want me to understand why they love what they love - and I'm always eager to know their reasons.
Foot worship, and worship of any kind, allows me to get into the ceremony of a session; it allows me to build the atmosphere of charismatic worship and charismatic entrancement; it becomes a pseudo-religious experience because there is such intense structure and focus and total devotion to the idea of the submissive placing himself at my feet and worshipping my feet and the shoes that adorn them.

Third, there are few other fetishes that approach the pure form of submission shown in getting down on the floor and begging merely to kiss the foot of a Domme.
It is erotic to see men physically put themselves beneath me.
It is empowering and affirming for me to see men who are able to embrace their needs in such an overt way.
There is no dissembling; there is no hiding; there is no posturing.
They are beneath me, in every sense of the word, and they love it.


Foot Fetishists, you make this Domme exceedingly happy, and I find your requests incredibly exciting.
Keep them coming!

"Forced Bisexual Activity - Is it an option for Your submissives, as a ProDomme?"

"my question is around forced bi activity. for me the highest level of trust is to do for your MISTRESS thing that you didn't think you will ever do and when you trust her, every barrier is crossed without hesitation. how difficult is to make sub having homosexual activity if he is not naturally BI sexual? is it something YOU will recommend to most Mistress and subs?"

IMPORTANT NOTE: This question is being asked in the context of TPE (total power exchange) in which the submissive male has willingly and with full understanding given a Dominant Female power to choose his sexual partners. There is no sexual abuse, rape, or non-consensual interaction.

So, we're discussing the "forcing of bisexual activity" on a straight sub, as part of instruction in a TPE relationship with his Mistress.

The fluidity of force, such as the kind present in TPE, inherently implies the opposite of force, which is willing consent.
The submissive male has WILLINGLY CONSENTED to give up the right to refuse his Mistress.
He has actively informed her that he wishes to be "forced" to do things outside of his current comfort zone.
This shows a remarkably beautiful level of trust in the Dominant Female to push limits with the utmost responsibility.

The activity described is not a game.
It is not roleplaying.
It is a Dominant Woman ordering a submissive male to engage with another male, sexually.

There are several possible purposes for this activity:

The first being to cement the submissive male's total devotion and trust in his Mistress by placing him in a situation where he must choose either his own desires or those of his Madame. (However, as with any TPE, it is the great irony that the submissive's desire IS to please the Madame, and so he must, naturally, enjoy doing whatever he is told to do, even if the activity is not one he would EVER engage in outside of his servitude to the Mistress.)

The second possible purpose is to create a scene in which a submissive male can have the freedom to explore sexual interaction with another male. So many men have been programmed and conditioned to believe that this type of sexual experimentation is so wrong, so foul, and so indicative of weakness that they require the presence of a Female Dominant to literally give them permission to explore other men.

The third possible purpose is to delve into one of the most extreme forms of sexual humiliation possible, for truly straight submissive men. For those who crave total and abject humiliation, being told to sexually please another man for the enjoyment of their Mistress is the ultimate experience in exploitation and humiliation.

I do not recommend this activity to most Mistresses or Their subs because this is a dynamic that can be realized by only the most intelligent, considerate, aware, and experienced Dommes.
It takes many months (and possibly years) of interaction, in my opinion, to build a D/s relationship to the level of trust at which a truly heterosexual submissive male could safely/sanely be commanded to sexually please another man for the Mistress.

With all safety and consent in place, the potential for pleasure during a ForcedBi scene is off the charts, for all parties involved.
I have enacted such a scene with a long-term submissive and one of his close friends, after weeks of discussion and preparation.
The two men were both interested in each other and both found a huge amount of release in being instructed to touch and be touched. Being given permission was the greatest aphrodisiac, to both of them, and the power I so clearly had over them was mind-blowingly erotic.

I highly encourage anyone considering ForcedBi play to be open, honest, and exploratory in their conversations with their Mistresses/partners.

Go forth, and be Kinky!

Who's Got the Power?: Power Exchange and Mutual Responsibility

Power exchange is defined as a relationship or activity in which the submissive gives the dominant partner power and authority over the submissive's body in exchange for the submissive's obedience, thereby instilling happiness and mental peace for both parties through defined roles during play.

Power and authority must be willingly instilled/bestowed from one person to another.
The power is not taken, it is not forcibly turned into powerlessness.
It is willfully, actively, and consciously given to another person.

The caveat being, of course, that it can be taken back with a single utterance of the safeword.
Only the submissive can decide, with finality, her/his limits.
Those limits can be tested with consent, but never without it.

The interpersonal power of the Dominant relies upon the willingness of the submissive, but the great inherent power of the Dominant resides in her/his will and self control.

As a Domme, I strive for ultimate control over my own actions during a scene.
Do I allow passion to color my decisions?
Yes - I would stagnate otherwise.
But using passion is vastly different than being consumed by passion.
Being consumed is for the submissive - consumed by pleasure, by pain, by subspace.

There is mutual power, in the D/s exchange - it can never be forgotten that being on one's knees NEVER negates one's boundaries, or that the gift of Dominance should ever be flippantly accepted.

Too often I am privvy to stories of interactions in which a Dominant had no regard/respect for the desires of the submissive.
Alternatively, there is no lack of stories during which submissives attempt to top from the bottom and became frustrated when they were asked to truly submit or seek another partner.

It is a decision to give up power, and it is a heavy responsibility to accept that power.
When handled openly, honestly, and with mindfulness, the exchange can be complete, giving the much needed release and control desired by the submissive and Dominant.