Kink – such a small, simple
word – is the blanket term we give to creative sexual expression. Kink is the
permission we give ourselves to explore what it is that turns us on, and the
way in which we can most fully experience the bodies and minds of others in a
sexual context.
A great segment of the
Vanilla world lives in a repressed and sexually stigmatized reality, a reality
in which looking outside the sexual norm means people will be ostracized,
excluded, and derided by the majority. For so many, it is this slavery to the
perceived cultural majority that keeps them from taking the time to understand
themselves. This is the barrier that stands in the way of so much of the
Western world: the barrier of perceived “normalcy” and mental slavery to the
group before the self.
In a time where the headlines
are rife with cases of domestic sexual abuse, female genital mutilation, sex
trafficking, and endless other examples of repressed sexuality turning into
violence against humanity, it is the responsibility of the Kinky Community to
educate others on the myriad avenues of sexual expression available through
Kink and BDSM. It is our responsibility
to share our stories of self-awareness, self-exploration, and finding
communities in which we are allowed to mentally and sexually thrive.
We see horrifying examples like
the Duggar family, in which a cult of reproduction reduces women to vessels and
controls female and male sexual pleasure, negating freedom and exploration
through shame and proprietary mandates.
We know that sexual repression results in sexual violence, abuse, rape,
personal shame, stifled growth of self awareness, and deep rooted fear of
sexuality and our own bodies. This invasive and frightening “family value” of
owning female sexuality and female bodies cannot be allowed to continue to permeate
the national psyche, and it needs an antidote.
I propose that we can be that
antidote. Through teaching, through starting conversations in bars, through
women teaching women (and men) about the Kinky way – the way of exploration and
awareness – we can counteract the typical American majority of repression.
How many women and men forgo
seeking out true sexual fulfillment because they are worried about how they
will be perceived? How many persons of every gender remain trapped in
monotonous sexual routines (or lack of sexual interaction) because they believe
it is better to stay “safe” than to find what they truly desire?
If we are to be ambassadors
of Kink and BDSM, if we are to stand outside of the closet and speak with a
sexually positive voice, then we must reach out to both the new members of our
community and those outside of the community who question their ability to stretch
the boundaries of their experience. We must promote self-awareness, on sexual
and platonic levels. We must strive to uphold transparency, critical awareness
of our own prejudices, and the desire to lead by an example of open dialogue
amongst our own community and the Vanilla world that so often looks in but is
afraid to join in.
