Sometimes, a Domme needs a Wake-up call from Her submissive (A Treatise on Trust)

Let's take a moment to discuss lifestyle submission.
Not once-a-week session submission (which, if that's your thing, more power to you), but the type of submission that occurs between two people who have chosen each other as partners in and out of the bedroom.

Lifestyle submission requires far more than sexual attraction, consent, a fancy set of whips, and two minds that get off on power exchange.
It requires trust.
Boatloads of trust - from both parties.

Trust is a huge barrier for many Dominants. We become so focused on controlling situations, giving control to those who ask for it, and maintaining control over our own demons that we forget or hide from the fact that we MUST put faith and trust in those who are worthy of it.

During this week, my pet and I have faced the challenge of my post-op recovery. Anyone who knows me will attest to my poor behavior, as a patient. I will try to do too much, I will resist care, and I will become angry when I'm called out on my lack of adherence to Dr's orders.

My pet diligently and unwaveringly has called me out, and shown me sense.
And guess what?
He did that in the true spirit of a submissive - he acted as my protector.
He trusted himself, and he trusted his own abilities, even when I refused to do so.

He protected me from my own inappropriate behavior.
He was respectful, but honest, when telling me I was not doing what was best for my health.
He told me, point blank, that my behavior was hurting me and hurting him.

He has put his life in my hands, physically, mentally, sexually, and emotionally. He pointed out that I need to entrust my health to him and put my care into his hands.

Allowing our submissives to care for us is not weakness.
It is not submission.
It is not an abandonment of our posts.

We must remember to put the same trust in our beloved pets as they have put in us.

The Small Touches: Totems That Guide submissive Men & Women

The following picture shows a miniature chrome clothespin.
It can be used for CBT, nipple-torture, securing knots with extra surety, as decoration, as a souvenir to send with a sub after a session, and (I'm sure) a plethora of other activities.

This clothespin, in particular, is a totem.

It is affixed to the collar of my pet's dress shirts, each day, as he goes through his life and work as an Alpha Male. It is on the right side of his shirt/sweater collar.
If you look closely, you can see it, in this picture.

It is placed on the side that holds his Dominant hand.
My will is with him, represented on that side of his body, because I love that part of him, and it is what makes him worthy of being Mine.

As Dommes/Doms, it is our great pleasure and sincere duty to show our love and care for our personal subs and clientele.
We get to show that Love through thoughfulness, mindfulness, and sincerely provided & imaginative instruction.

Small touches provide the greatest and most consistently felt security.


*You can purchase one or many clothespins, from The Stockroom, here.

Whore Enhancement through Chastity

I can think of no better way to control and enhance a whore and his/her natural disposition than to put him/her in chastity.

Consider the nature of a whore: sexual, needful, lustful, ever eager for more cock, more attention, and more input.
What better way to control a mind than to control its access to what it craves?

When too much sex is enjoyed by anyone, especially a whore, all sex becomes boring.
This type of tragedy must NOT be allowed to transpire, especially when a beloved whore, preferred pet, or promising sub is concerned.
Teach them the value of having to wait.
Teach their bodies the joy of delayed gratification.

The waiting and the restriction, when properly enforced alongside constant mental attention and engagement, will only whet their appetites and encourage greater obedience in the hope of receiving what they crave.

That constant mental engagement must be comprised of teasing.
Not generic teasing, not sporadic teasing, but focused and specifically tailored torture that will creep beneath the dura mater in the sub's mind and create a blanket of suggestion and titillation.

You have to care enough about your whore to make his mind your constant playground.

This is not a process to attempt by the novice Dominant or by someone who cannot commit a significant amount of attention to their submissive(s)/whore(s).

You will only succeed if you are adept at mind control and providing constant stimulation.

This does not mean you, personally, have to send them five million texts a day or be next to them, whispering in their ear or touching them.
Far from it.
You can do the obvious and put them in a chastity device.
They will feel the cage around them, all day, and fight with the feeling of arousal and inability to become erect.
You can enforce your will and make sure they are never without stimulation with daily assignments, stipulating the wearing of specific undergarments, or even piercing your pet to provide a constant sensory reminder that they are owned.

Hell, go for the gusto and have them wear lace panties over a newly pierced frenum.
I can tell you, it works like a charm: my favorite personal pet is never free of the constant feel of precum in his lacey boxer briefs.

Remember: creativity and consistency are key.
Make chastity the sexual and sensual experience it is meant to be, and your whore will be trained to perform at peak levels.
And they will love you, for it.

Verbal Stimulation - Using Your Words to Get Results

In working with more and more clients in this, my new city of Buffalo, I'm realizing just how widespread the disparity is between desire and the ability to articulate that desire.

Perhaps it is merely the disparity between desire and access to a safe space/person in and with whom to express that desire.

Either way, there's a lot of repression through which my clients are working.

And no, it's not a condition local to Buffalo.

It's certainly a behavior that I have previously encountered: subs who want, need, and crave Dominance but have no earthly idea how to ask for it or how to articulate the specifics of those desires.
I am, perhaps, simply so keenly aware of it, here, because it has been the common denominator amongst all of my clients, to date.

It is also the current, but slowly changing, condition of my sweetest pet and favorite personal sub.
Every day I'm learning just how painful but important it is to encourage and bear witness to the verbal expression, written or spoken, of his new and slightly unnerving journey toward self awareness.

That's what verbal interaction is all about, for both Dommes and the subs they love and the clients with whom they work: self awareness that leads to self fulfillment.

Physical pleasure is high on the list, and no one's denying it. I thrill every time I see my sweet pet or one of my clients absolutely lose themselves in sensation.
But the true high, the true ecstasy for me, comes from their understanding of those sensations and clear ability to ask for those sensations.

Am I on the cerebral end? You're damn right. Do I want to get inside the minds of every sub I encounter and lick their motor strip and processing centers until they cum? Double-damn right.

However, since lobotomy and cranial lingual stimulation are not recommended, I get to use my tongue in other ways - I get to use my words.

I get to describe, entice, tease, create, and titillate, all with the mere touch of my tongue to my teeth and hard palette.

I get to show my sweet favorite that I love him by telling him, outright, and by telling him what I love to do to him, his mind, and his body.

I get to encourage, praise, and correct with the softest direction and the most lustful demands.

I get to lead by example.

With every submissive, I strive to use my words in an effort to show them that they, too, can have exactly what they need through the simple act of asking.

Hell, you go ahead and beg, you beautiful submissives - you know I like that.

Articulate begging, and even barely-lucid begging, are hugely aphrodisiac in their effect.

But you have to start somewhere -
You have to start by talking, and by asking for what you want.

Believe me, your words will yield amazingly tailored and pleasurable results.

"How Do You Make a pet/sub/slave Feel Completely Owned?"

"Mme. - i am wondering how you make pets to feel owned? i am wondering for a long time how Women make men feel safe and [like] property."

After a bit of Tweeting back and forth last night, I received the above question in my inbox.

To begin, I applaud the phrasing and joint expression of safety and feeling like property.
To many (I'd imagine the majority) of men, it must seem like a contradiction in terms to feel safe BECAUSE you are property.
So many males will never know the security and peace afforded by letting go of the control to which they cling throughout the work day.
For submissive men, those who are enlightened and privy to the ecstatic release and calm bliss that accompanies being owned, this post may seem like one big "Duh!" moment.

Read it anyway: new perspective should never be ignored.

It is not considered acceptable in much of modern global society for men to feel the security enjoyed by women who are homemakers, stay at home wives, or stay at home mothers - that sense of security and being provided for by the person they happen to adore and trust with their daily well-being as they live productive lives within safe and secure walls.
(I do not, in any way, propose that the means to making pets feel owned is by throwing money at them and inviting them into your home to live with you.)

What I am proposing is that the same sense of security enjoyed by stay-at-home women can be achieved through routine, non-sexual interaction, and creature comforts delivered in a manner that allow male slaves/pets/subs to access that sense of being provided for outside of the standard (and glorious) sexualized aspects of power-exchange.

Yes, sexual play feeds the pleasure centers of men's (and women's) brains and endears their bodies and minds to us, their Dommes.
Yes, orgasms are one of the surest ways to bind one being to another.
However, we CANNOT discount the great comfort of food and drink and bodily care, and the incorporation of it into our routines with our submissives.
The way to a man's true comfort and safety, to securing his devotion, enthrallment, and willing abandonment of power, is by encompassing all bodily comfort during play and daily routines.

Let's begin with grooming - the simple act of bathing a pet and of soothing the mind and body through warm water and soap.
How simple.
How innate a desire to give and receive such treatment.
How human.
We are giving our submissives permission to be human, around us:
not their job titles, not their macho-vanilla-world facades - just human;
naked, washed, clean, cleansed, and part of a routine that affords both exposure and security in the same act.

Moving on to eating and drinking: what simpler way could there be to provide?
It's certainly the most basic of needs - the need for water during a long and intense session.
Filling my own mouth with cold water and kissing a blindfolded submissive provides intense relief and total ownership.
I have become life, beyond metaphor and romantic notion, in providing the water necessary to keep my submissive lucid and hydrated while he is in restraints.
In the same manner, feeding small bits of pretzels covered in dark chocolate keeps the blood sugar levels stable if I am putting a sub through his/her paces. There is no room for depletion - and there is no room for weakness, physically.
A session must leave both the Domme and sub invigorated. Subspace imparting stunned bliss and relaxation, Dommespace providing the electric high that can be ridden for hours.

Food, especially full meals, can be incorporated into sessions as a way of gently and unflinchingly showing the submissive that he is no longer in control of any aspect regarding his body.
You, the Dominant, are going to provide, possibly hand feed, and ensure that nourishment of the body happens internally before you provide sensory, emotional, and mental nourishment through a session.

Through this total and holistic approach, ownership is made complete.
Pets are given security above and beyond sexual fulfillment - they are given permission to submit to their Mistress without reservation.

What Do you think of Genital Piercings, for Pets?

"Madame, do you think that piercing a pet is a solid practice to show ownership? Have you ever had a pet pierced? Do you enjoy the way it looks?"

I am thrilled to be answering these questions, as I just had my favorite pet pierced (like this) 24 hours ago.  It's the most beautiful placement of jewelry I think I've ever seen on a male body.

I'm a huge proponent of body modification, and have had the joy of watching a pet be tattooed with my mark. That process paled in comparison to piercing, in terms of sheer power and reaction of the pet.

I believe that piercing is the most elegant and efficient means to constantly remind pets that they are owned, utterly and completely.

With genital piercings especially, the constant reminder typically keeps them constantly aroused. They are on edge, in the most deliciously torturous of ways, and they always have their Mistress on the mind.

I believe that in piercing the cock of a slave you reinforce the fact that it does not belong to that person - it belongs totally and utterly to You, the Madame/Mistress/Domme. Every time he moves, pissess, thinks about touching himself, or becomes hard, he is reminded that he has been modified by his Owner.

The experience is one that can be worked towards, providing a goal for those pets who require constant tangible motivation. (There is nothing wrong with needing such motivation, as it keeps the imagination and body at peak performance in anticipation of the novel and intriguing.)

Requiring a pet to prove his worthiness before being pierced or marked in any way reinforces his inclination to strive for perfection.
Men, as we all know, work best when put in the position to prove themselves.
This type of goal also weeds out the less-than-dedicated pets who cannot give up control or put total faith in an Owner.

The physical moment of piercing is a truly beautiful communion between pet and Owner, especially when it is approached with joy and the relief of a pet who has, all his life, striven to be owned.

Being exposed, being touched by another person in the presence of his Owner, being poked and prodded and CHANGED by someone as his Owner looks on - all of these aspects reinforce the fact that he is not in control.

How safe, secure, and blissful, no?

There is finality and peace following the pain, just like there is peace during the aftercare following a great session.
There is an ever-present addition to the pet's body that reassures him, with every step he takes, that he is never without the will of his Domme.