The Alpha Complex

We live in a world of absolutes: The perceived Alpha male and Alpha female, the hierarchy of financial and social elitism. We are judged by what we possess and control, not necessarily by our methods of acquiring or maintaining that control.

In the BDSM world, this is also true. It's a game of appearance, of who has the most sway, the most exposure, the most followers, the greatest perceived power and reputation.

We must fight this system.

We must remember that humility and the pursuit of knowledge must be cornerstones of any D/s interaction.

Being a true Alpha means that we must be leaders, caretakers, and those responsible for the continuing growth of positive understanding in our community.

Tops, Doms, and all who exert control over others must realize and enact the truths of motivation and execution as being the key differences between responsible and reprehensible action.

Topping and Domination are not the full exertion of power over another without question.
Submission is a gift, given by the submissive, and which can be revoked at any time. Too often, submissives feel they must please their Dom to the point of losing sight of their own mental health and physical needs.

This is not the way to conduct a D/s relationship.

There must be communication. There must be understanding of the whole person, on both sides of the equation.
Meeting once before jumping into a scene can result in disaster.
Having unclear channels of communication, or NO communication, is a surefire way to ensure unsafe play and physical/mental harm.

Do your due diligence.

Doms: vetting your subs for experience level and understanding of the lifestyle and/or play is imperative - having clear limits is too often overlooked in the heat of wanting to get the high of a "spontaneous" or "genuine" scene. Don't be lured by the sub who wants to "give up everything to you" - chances are, they have no idea what this really means.

Subs: Be honest when looking for a play partner. Don't embellish experience level, or feel you have to feign knowledge of the MYRIAD terms thrown around when discussing the lifestyle. You are as you are - and that is enough

The Simiple Truth About FemDom

You have everything it takes to be Dominant, because You are already in charge of Your life and Your happiness.
The great myth of FemDom is that the Woman has to somehow transform into a whip-wielding bitch in order to Control a man.

Stereotypes would have you believe that only a certain skin color, body type, or style will enable you to make men drop to their knees.
Not true.
The simple truth, and the concept that eludes so many would-be Dommes, is that to be on Top means having the Will to be thorough, consistent, challenging, and sincere.

It also means you need to be fucking creative when you are giving out marching orders.

No two Dominant Women will operate in the same way, and that's the beauty of the Game:
You, yes you, get to make up the rules that best suit your goals and the goals of the men who crave your Dominance.

Get out there.
Be bold.
Rule the world, and the minds of men.

On Varied Love: An Open Letter to My pet/Husband, on Polyamory

My darling pet, my devoted husband, my best friend, and the father of our beautiful child,

I love you more than I thought it would be possible to love another human being.
You have given me a life, a family, and a home that, without you, would not have been possible.
You teach me, every day, what it means to be a Partner.
You help me, every day, to be the best Domme I can possibly be.

 Because I love you, and because you have given me such varied gifts of love, I believe it is right and salutary that I present this letter, to you, in a way that shares my messages of love for you, and revelation within myself, in a public venue.

I need you to understand what it means when I talk about polyamory.

Polyamory is not based in greed, dissatisfaction, or narcissism.
It is based in the personal and interpersonal knowledge that Love can exist between more than two people and still be True.

 (I have been trying to find an accurate way to express this for over a decade. Being able to finally do so, in a moment of writer's clarity, is one of the great reliefs of my life.)

After ten years, ten long years of trying to figure out what in thunderfuck my brain needed in order to feel whole and complete and sane and at peace, I am finally comfortable saying, "Yes, I am poly."

Yes, I want to enjoy the bodies, minds, and junk of other people.
Yes, I want to lap at a woman's cunt until she loses her mind.
Yes, I want to feel the security of submitting to a man who knows his way around a flogger and the female mind, from a sensually sadistic standpoint.

It's not easy to make these statements, nor are they statements that I make lightly.

I realize that making these statements, and doing so in a public manner, may have intense repercussions in my own home and with you, my own devoted partner.

I also realize that, in order to be the best Domme, wife, and partner possible, all cards must be on the table.
All truth must be transparent and accessible.

 Is this terrifying?
 Yep.
I'm scared-near-shitless to be speaking my truth.

 But, the Truth has a funny way of making itself heard, and of leaving Peace in its wake.

 Here's to Love, and to being honest with those to whom we give it.

 Yours,
 Beatrice


Post Scripts, from Me to him: 

- No amount of play with another person will ever cause me to stop loving you, or to love you in a different manner. You are my Primary, my Heart, and my Husband.

- I did not tell you what was in my head in order to change you.
I did it for myself.
I did it in order to be honest.
I did it in order to follow the same expectations I have set down, for you.
 Honesty.
Transparency.
Clear statements of desires.
Saying things that i'm scared to say, but doing it anyway, because it's the right thing to do.
Keeping nothing a secret.
Keeping you informed of what is happening in my head, no matter how scary I think it might be, both to tell you and for you to hear.

I will never stop telling you the truth.
I will never stop listening to the truth you tell, to me.

Dominance: The Ultimate Responsibility and The Ultimate Gift

If you are going to try, go all the way.
Do it, do it, do it.
All the way, all the way, all the way.

Bukowski wrote that, and yes, I'm reasonably sure I just paraphrased it, but I'm not about to go on a GoogleHunt.

The point is this: don't half anything.
Don't dabble.
Don't make a start, then refuse to finish.
Don't allow complacency to color your work or your Love.

Go all the way, all the way, all the damn way.

If you bring a pet into your care, know what you are signing up to do.
You are becoming their source of Control.
You are becoming their Balance.

It's a big fucking job.

You DON'T get to be weak.
You don't get to be trite.
You don't get to be trivial.

You DO get to lead, by example.
You get to establish boundaries, and healthily maintain them.
You get to protect yourself and give protection to your pet, even if  that means protecting yourself and your pet from his/her negative tendencies.

You get to say No:
No, I will not let bad habits slide.
No, I will not indulge brattish and attention-seeking behaviors.
No, I will not allow you to use Me or My time as a distraction from your own problems.

You must be strong: for Yourself, for your pet, for the two of you as a pair, couple, or any other form of relationship.

Dominance is not a pass to a never-ending supply of cunnilingus, blowjobs, no-questions-asked-submission, or whateverthefuck floats your self-serving, self-loving, and/or self-indulgent boat.

Dominance is the ultimate gift.

Only those with quiet strength, self-awareness, and sincere care for others can give it.