Tributes - Respect of Time and Effort Between Dommes and Slaves

When you think of a tribute, what comes to mind?
Jewelry, wine, gift cards, monetary deposits, services, or perhaps even traded talents such as webpage building or maintenance are all tributes that I've enjoyed receiving.

But it's not just about enjoyment, nor is it simply about me "using" a submissive for my own monetary, material, or status-based gain.

Tributes are the contract of good faith between a Domme and a sub, and especially between a ProDomme and a potential client. A tribute shows, in no uncertain terms, the worth that a sub places on his interaction with a Woman he truly wishes to serve. Tributes are the first and most basic form of service.

There is no service without sacrifice.
I want to make that point very clear.
The submissives who seek to receive time, effort, interaction, and assignments from Dommes without giving of themselves, their resources, or their talents FIRST are not only insulting but also blatantly ignoring the pretense under which they are operating - to serve a Woman.

What is service? It's making life better, easier, and more enjoyable for that Domme.

Service, in the case of Lifestyle Dommes and subs, could be cleaning the house, doing the laundry, fetching groceries, going on errands, filling the car with gas, or any other number of truly helpful tasks to be completed in order to make the Domme's life easier.
It could be manicures or pedicures, either bought for the Domme or completed by the sub himself. Pampering is always a highly valued form of service - it shows, intensely, that the submissive truly has put the Domina above himself and has taken pains to ensure that her comfort is paramount.
Monetarily providing for your Domme is, of course, a very clear form of service, and is the method of choice for many. But never discount the tributes of time, effort, and creativity from submissives.

Service, in the case of a sub and Domme engaged in professional interaction or FinDom, is clearly defined by the monetary offering a slave makes in order to receive time, attention, and interaction with a Dominant Woman. This monetary exchange, the initial tribute, shows the Domme that a client will not waste her time.

So often, far too often, submissive clients arrange a meeting, confirm the meeting, then do not arrive. There is no recourse for the ProDomme. There is no way of demanding money from the so-called client without engaging in blackmail, which (unless previously stated as a desired activity) is ethically unthinkable. The initial tribute, then, is necessary - much like a consult fee - to ensure that the Domme's time is not wasted.

Tributes are the first step in a submissive showing respect for the Domme, her time, and her talents.
It is no easy task to receive, analyze, and develop a method of delivery that will both challenge and ensure enjoyment by the submissive during a professional session. A Domme who takes her work seriously knows that there are hours and hours of prep involved, mentally, physically, and strategically. For a sub to not respect this time, and to merely expect this time to be given without recompense, is ridiculous.

Submissives, remember: you are asking a Domme to guide you, teach you, care for you, hurt you but not harm you, and give you access to the pleasure that you so deeply desire. You are asking for an enormous amount of individualized effort - never take that effort for granted, and in a professional setting, treat the Domme as you would treat your therapist, doctor, or any other person who takes both your mind and body into their care.

Ask-a-Domme : Why do people like pain?

"Why do you people like pain? If I stub my toe during sex, I totally lose my flow!"

Ok. Let's start with the basics.

Your pain from stubbing your toe is incidental/accidental pain, and the act of stubbing it was not a conscious or premeditated act. It was an accident, it was unplanned. The pain in your foot is nothing you would ever consider sexy, for you or your partner. I think I can say with certainty that you do not become aroused at the thought of stubbing your toe/someone causing you to stub your toe or someone else stubbing their toe.

Pain, in a Kink/BDSM setting is intentional. It is choreographed. It is a known factor, when it is included in play. Pain is tempered with pleasure, because it brings pleasure.

I often find that the term pain is misleading because it is so purely negative in vanilla conversation. Let us say, rather, that pain is more accurately defined as this:

The elongation, prolongation, reinvention, and intensification of pleasurable stimulation that, when used effectively, allows a fulcrum between the extremes of subspace and total awareness.

"But, seriously, why do people like it?"

Ok. Let's get past basics.
Plainly stated, people like extremes. We like huge cocks, giant boobs, triple cheeseburgers, all-you-can-eat buffets...I could go on. But we like lots of what we love. And we love sensations.

Possible analogies: The pain from a Wartenberg wheel is amped up tickling. The pain from a spanking is a ramped up pat on the ass. The pain from suction is a hickey on steroids.
I think you see where this is going.

Pain comes in every intensity level imaginable, and it serves as a way to stay in the moment. Pain brings focus when  used swiftly and sharply between sex acts. It's like sorbet between courses - it cleanses the palette.
It can also be the main course. Pain can turn into pleasure as the body and mind begin to reinterpret repeated blows as foreplay or as the flesh becomes numb and only the pressure is left without the sting; pain becomes titillation as the nipples are always clamped directly before stimulation of the vagina/anus.
Pain can be craved as punishment in Mommy/Daddy play, schoolgirl/boy play, or any number of such roleplay lifestyles/scenes. It's the release, the endorphin/serotonin rush afterwards that provides the sexual pleasure following a psychological purge.

Stubbing your toe isn't fun - but I think you'll agree that biting, sucking, tickling, and a bit of slapping can feel amazing when done in a safe, sane, and consensual environment.

Shameless - Redefining the Concept

As a proDomme, I have been referred to as shameless by both proponents and detractors of my work.

Shameless, as it is most commonly used, denotes a female who is overtly sexual in appearance, action, language, or all three.

Shameless = hussy.
Shameless = slut.


What a strange and twisted turn of verbal and lingual events.

I propose that we must secure the literal meaning of the word.
Shameless: without shame, lacking shame, devoid of shame.

We must secure this absence of shame for all consenting adults who seek to explore and participate fully in their own sexuality and the sexuality of consenting partners.

We must, one by one, abolish shame from the pursuit of sexual self-awareness.
We cannot equate recklessness with freedom.
We must take responsibility for our sexuality in every sense.

We must replace shame with determination and a commitment to discovery and respect of our sexual selves and those of our partners.

I am without shame.
I am Shameless.