Thursday, April 24, 2014

Being a Beginner Domme: Protection of Self and Establishing Boundaries

To the ladies who have just begun their journey into the FemDom role of Domina, Dominatrix, Madame or Mistress - I salute you.
You have decided to explore the aspects of your personality that feed into Control, Protection, Leadership, Imagination, Creativity, and the Administration of Skill.

A bunch of words, no?
A damn big bunch of words.

What does it all mean?
Where do you start?
How do you become the Uber-Domme of your, his, her, and that other person's dreams?

You start by not trying to become another person's dream.
Plain and simple, you have to WANT to cultivate your Dominant traits for you and not for someone else.

If a man or woman has come to you and asked you to be "my Domme" then they have started with a fatal flaw - asking you to do something for them, rather than asking what they can do for you.

The first lesson a beginner Domme must learn is to not become an on-call service for those who will use up or waste your time, talent, and effort.

I know this may seem counterintuitive to the image of the all-powerful slightly (or not so slightly) demanding Head Bitch In Charge, but many Dominas are what they are because they have an overwhelming desire to protect, heal, and give.

Those traits are often exploited by the insensitive, coercive, and overly-needy subs who have been in the game long enough to sniff out a woman who will give them what they want, but who will not expect them to give in return.

Always, always, always remember that you do not OWE a submissive anything simply because he has asked to "worship you, Goddess, because you are so perfect and I want so badly to be Dominated by you!"

See what happened there? That thought of worship didn't end with an offer of actual tribute, service, or worship. It ended with the submissive's desire.

Odd. Very odd. And downright counterintuitive to the way a submissive should approach a Dominant.

A Woman in Power should be brought tribute, compliment, sincerity, and supplication; she should NOT be presented with selfish demands sugar coated in flattery.

Keep your boundaries, and keep your self esteem, intact.
There is nothing powerful about a Domina who is topped from the bottom by a submissive who takes without giving.

I've discussed the all-giving dynamic before on this blog, but for you who are beginning your journey into the Power of a FemDom centered interaction or relationship, it bears repeating.

The only way this type of relationship will work, truly, is through massive amounts of communication from BOTH parties. It will only work if both people but the OTHER person first.

You cannot be a Dominant without being a caregiver.
You cannot be a submissive without being a servant.

When we examine those two titles, they are one in the same.
The Dominant serves the needs of the submissive, just as the submissive should care for the needs of the Dominant.

There is no way around the necessity of mutual giving.

To you, new Dommes, I say this: only interact with those men who understand that in order to be worthy of your time, they must prove that worth through service and a keen ability to care for your needs; otherwise, they have no business receiving the beautiful Control that you, as a Dominant Woman, can give them.

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