Monday, July 13, 2015

The Duality of Switches

Switches have been described as many things: confused and greedy being the primary titles thrown their way. When a woman identifies as a switch, many will tell her that she is really just a brat, a willful submissive, or that she simply wants to top from the bottom.

Male switches are also typified as either greedy or only looking to be Dominant, with their submission classified as wanting to be pampered or "being taken care of" instead of putting in the "work of Domination."

Switches are not unicorns. We're not confused. We are simply comfortable, aware, and willing to inhabit the duality that is inherent to Switch sexuality.

I know that I am a very Dominant woman, both in the bedroom and in my day to day life. I'm used to being in control, having the final word, solving problems, delegating tasks, and ensuring that my professional and personal life flow smoothly under my guidance. 

I also know that there is a very real, vibrant, and powerful part of my sexuality and mentality that is submissive, to extreme degrees. I know that there are many nights when I want to be put on my knees, look up, and find the peace that exists in the hands of a Dom that will take my power and exert his will over mine.

This duality may confuse some. To those with highly polarized sexuality (strict Tops, pure bottoms) it may seem disingenuous when someone can move between roles with fluidity. 

Moving between roles, however, does not lend less credulity to either role or either set of experiences. I love to flog my pet before edging him. I also love being on the receiving end of wax and knife play while being restrained and blindfolded.

I believe that the ability and need to switch stems from an immersive view of life - as a Switch, I want to express all that is within me, and share that expression with both submissive and Dominant partners. This can be very threatening for those who submit - it raises the question, "How can you be my Dominant but bend the knee to someone else? Doesn't that make you less dominant with me?"

The answer is no. My interaction as a submissive has nothing to do with my scenes or relationships as a Dom. There is separation and equality between these two pieces of my sexuality and personality, and I firmly believe that my Domination is enhanced by my submission, and vice versa. If I understand what it is to crawl and beg and be pushed past my limits, then it more fully enables me to do those same things to my pets and SAFELY push their limits. 

Dominants have also questioned my ability to truly submit if I am used to being Dominant with other partners. My explanation to them is this: when I offer myself and my power over to a Dominant, I am submitting in that moment and with my whole self. Within that scene or relationship, I am handing over my power and offering myself for the pleasure and enjoyment of the Dominant. I'm not harboring designs to top from the bottom or suddenly try to take over control of the situation.

For those who engage with Switches, remember that we want to talk about all the luscious desires that are floating in and around us. We are studies in duality, but this does not lessen our sincerity with partners.

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