Tuesday, July 7, 2015

Online Domination - What makes it work?

Domination that is distance or online regulated is a highly intellectual experience and, therefore, requires not only imagination but also creativity and problem solving in order to maintain excitement between partners.

The cornerstone of this relationship is mental attraction, with each partner taking on the responsibility of mentally stimulating and motivating the other. Typically, it must be two evenly matched individuals to ensure that long distance D/s play succeeds - boredom is the enemy that can only be kept at bay by constant invention.

When partners are mismatched (for example, the sub having little exposure to mental play or the Dom having less experience than the sub) it can be taxing to maintain the freshness of interaction or the pace at which the relationship can grow. When a pair is evenly matched in both expectation and dedication to interaction, there is fertile ground for a growing and rewarding relationship.

 As with any D/s interaction, there is a process through which the ability to interact over great distances or online are proven. There must be proven worth, from the submissive especially, showing that s/he is capable of adhering to commands without physical check ins or inspections. Honesty is paramount in both sides of this equation, and time dedicated to interaction must be rationed until a deeper level of commitment has been deemed appropriate.

It's in this beginning phase where a D/s dynamic is tested for the mental aptitude that will be necessary to keep up the sexual momentum of those first heated textual exchanges that so often begin online interaction.

 I took the time to ask one of my online submissives to tell me about his take on online submission (with an emphasis on chastity), and the following are my questions and his answers. Enjoy!

For how long have you engaged with a Dominant Woman online?

Well, we met online over 2 years ago, but I only started submitting properly 18 months ago. This was my first and, like all relationships, it can take a while to recognise absolute compatibility. With something as serious as chastity, neither of us wanted to jump into something that didn't have any future or potential.

 What drew you to such an interaction?

Mutual interests, first and foremost. We started to chat online about domination, BDSM, D/s relationships and such like initially. Then, once we started to delve a little deeper into our fantasies and interests, it was clear that we shared many of them. It was so refreshing to hear someone else describe their desires almost as if they could read your mind.

What makes chastity erotic? 

That's a tough question! I find it very ironic. The fact that someone denying my erections and my orgasms arouses me never ceases to make me smile. Part of it, certainly, is the control. Having any aspect of your life controlled by another is, to someone submissive, wonderful. If it's of a sexual nature then it's even better. For me, having the most sexual part of my body controlled is simply fantastic. Being erect and achieving orgasm are both such amazing feelings that having them controlled is an immense turn on. It makes them so very special when they do happen. Mentally, I notice a change too. After a couple of weeks there's an increased sexual arousal that I only have when denied. I love it.

What is pleasurable about another person controlling your ability to become hard? Your ability to have an orgasm? 

That's the submissive part of me that enjoys those aspects of it. I love being controlled and being controlled sexually is an unbelievable high. Physically I may be restrained, but mentally I'm more turned on than ever whenever I'm told I'm not allowed to get hard or not allowed to cum.

Are you always honest with your Dominant?

I try to be. At first, it was difficult when we talked about subjects and turn ons that I was, initially, embarrassed about. Once I realised that there was no need for shame, it became a lot easier. Nowadays, we both try to be as honest as we can with each other. Of course, we still have bad days and there are times when I have had enough and just want to break the lock, remove the device and make myself cum. I try to be honest about those feelings, we discuss them and then move forward.

What makes it easier/harder to talk online?

I think it's easier to find a compatible person online as you can speak honestly about subjects that are usually considered taboo and not be afraid. You can become a member of a specific niche erotic group from the comfort of your own living room and meet likeminded people. Once you've met, it doesn't matter if you chat online or in person as you know the other's interests and need not be afraid to talk about your desires. AlthoughI think, for me, it will always be a little easier online.

Are you more or less open online than you are in person?

More, for sure. It's easier to be honest behind a computer, for me anyway. Certainly initially, when you have nothing to lose. You can have an online identity and keep your personal life a secret until you have built up enough trust.

Have your desires evolved since you began being Dominated?

Definitely! When I started I was interested in chastity, orgasm control and anal play. Since meeting, we have discovered that I'm very much turned on by other things that were deeper inside me. Things I didn't realise or know about. Cuckolding, for example. I'd love to be there whilst my Madame is intimate with another. We have also discussed activities that, not too long ago, I would never have even entertained. Things like forced bi. I could be told to drop to my knees and perform oral sex on my Madame's partner whilst they kiss. Before we met online, I would never have even entertained such a thought. We've talked about this when we meet. I must admit I am very, very nervous about having my first sexual experience with another man, but I would never have even talked about it a while ago. We've discussed cuckolding and forced bi for when we meet. She'll be with her man who has a frighteningly large, pierced penis and how she'd enjoy watching me suck my first cock. I'd then be tied to the bed face up and she'd lie on top of me in a 69 position so I could pleasure her with my mouth as her man slide in and out. We've also talked about other things, like public displays of affection. One of the things I'm most looking forward to is meeting her for the first time, bowing down and delicately kissing her feet. My desires have also become grounded, since being dominated. For example, as much as I'd enjoy it, I know I will never be allowed inside her. The most I can hope for is to be there whilst someone else pleasures her in that way. I also know that the strict orgasm control will continue. As much as I may fantasise about being stroked and edged every day, the reality is that I may be granted an orgasm (if I'm lucky) and it may or may not be her giving it to me. She may just permit me to jack off quickly in front of her, which would still be wonderful.

What has contributed to this evolution? Your Madame? Your self? 

I think both of us, but it's more her recognising things in me that I didn't know myself. She could see how submissive I was before I even knew it myself. She could tell things about me, traits she recognised through experience, that have come true. It's been eye opening, for me.

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