Tuesday, February 10, 2015


To all who have read, will see, and are discussing FSoG, this post is for you.

I do not judge the fantasy of submitting to a dominant and severe Top (which would be hypocritical and combating what I seek to provide to bottoms) - what I do judge is the grammatically/ethically questionable portrayal of that Top.

If the concept of consensual nonconsent was presented in the books in any way, shape, or form, I'd be down, in spite of the writing style.

Consensual nonconsent is one of, if not my number one, favorite aspect of intense scenes whether they focus on rape fantasies or basic abduction. However, these books are not providing sexy-yet-illuminating presentations of consensual nonconsent, but rather a picture of total and abject control handed over to a Dominant with no question or conversation.

Controversy breeding conversation and exploration - good. FSoG's portrayal of Kink - unhealthy in the context of abuse. Personally, it's thrilling to me that the conversation has reached a broader audience. It's also disturbing that the character of Christian Grey is a potential base against which Dominants are mentally configured/judged by the vanilla/explorative sector.

I am a Female Dominant.
I exert control, both physical and mental, over my partner.
This is done with his consent.

I talk with my submissive, not at him.
I invite him to speak on his thoughts, desires, curiosities, fears, lusts, and limits.
I listen, and then decide in which direction I will take him, based on his desire to be led.

I don't expect, nor demand, loyalty - I earn the right to call him Mine.

The concepts of sanity, safety, and CONSENT are paramount in a Dominant/submissive relationship.

Fantasy is an important piece of life. Discovering, exploring, and discussing your own fantasies with trusted individuals is an excellent idea. By all means, look up the origins of Kink, educate yourself or talk with an expert, and watch truly illuminating BDSM themed movies such as Secretary.

I get that Fifty Shades is a fantasy and that the author wanted to set a tone.
I get why women love that tone.
I love setting that tone, myself.
Making a submissive feel helpless, maybe even cornered.
Ensuring my voice, body language, actions, and instructions all put that bottom as far into subspace as s/he can go.
The type of play that centers on this total power exchange is fucking fantastic, but it also takes practice and understanding. I get that FSoG is porn, and I'm all about whetting appetites/pussies.
I love Kink.com and they are the example i'll hold up as the one that is more responsible than the dispensers of FSoG. In all of it's movies/clips/whathaveyou, aftercare is shown. They show participants talking about the scene after it's completed.
I think it's that type of aftercare and discussion that's missing from the word-porn of Fifty Shades. It's that dose of reality that makes the fantasy not only more grounded, but also reassures us that the fantasy is ATTAINABLE in a safe manner.

This is my dream, for all: that they explore, discuss, and then ENACT sexual fantasies in a safe, sane, and consensual environment. Hell, even if you take years in doing it, get into the nitty-gritty bits of your brain and realize that your genitalia have a right to be happy,in ways that may or not be "conventional." I'll say this: fifty shades has gotten more women thinking about how to really find pleasure. Now, we need the mainstream FemDom equivalent. *starts writing*

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